Change Partners
by Charmed Lassie
Summary: Sun Hill has always been at the centre of complicated love ties but could this one beat the bunch? WARNING ff COMPLETE!
1. The best bets

A/N: Well, hi there. For anyone who thinks this could possibly be a Phil/ Sam, it isn't. Not really my cup of tea if you know what I mean. So, anyhow, don't read this if you have any aversion to 'alternative' relationships and I don't own any of the characters. Though I wonder if I confess they talk in my head I'd been able to keep them.

* * *

Samantha Nixon sighed as she closed the file and leaned back in her chair.

Even considering the lightness of the long days she had to admit it was late. The sky was turning was a shade of purple, no one had bothered to turn on the artificial lighting when they'd left so shadows were being cast everywhere. Over by the whiteboard there was an elephant. A distorted elephant. A dancing elephant.

Yes, that was probably an indicator for her to go home. It was dancing in the direction of the doors anyway.

As she gathered her things she felt a presence. Looking up she couldn't see anything until a figure emerged from the gloom. 'Who's that?'

Phil Hunter stepped further forward. 'You're jumpy, ain't ya?'

At the sight of him, she relaxed. 'I thought everyone had gone. Where were you hiding?'

'Had stuff to do in the DI's office.'

'Going through his drawers were you?'

'Yeah, cause I'm like that.'

She smiled. 'I was just about to go.'

'Straight home is it?'

'Tonight, yeah.'

'Only I wondered if you were up for a drink, curry maybe?'

What was that in Hunter language? Did she even have to ask? 'Not tonight.'

'Alright. Another time?'

Without a thought she nodded. 'Later in the week maybe.'

'You're on.'

After he'd left she briefly pondered why she hadn't just turned him down flat. It was obvious what he wanted. It was always obvious what Phil Hunter wanted. And she had to admit the idea didn't exactly repulse her.

A few years ago the mere sight of DS Hunter made her want to vomit. Corrupt, a womaniser, manipulative of criminals and colleagues alike. Had he changed or had her attitude just changed? Somewhere along the line she'd begun to see him as more than the station bad egg.

They'd been caught in that underground tunnel together- that had been a turning point. In the world there was only a certain type of person who thought they could get away with fathering the child of gangster's wife. Phil was that type. But getting shot, almost bleeding to death... Well, strange as it sounded, it had brought out the best in him. Down in that tunnel they'd almost kissed, she was the one who'd drawn away. What had she told him, 'I'll save your life but I won't kiss you'? It had sounded so right at the time.

Things had been so difficult recently what with Abi's pregnancy and the Hugh Wallis debacle. Perhaps she just needed someone to lean on.

* * *

'Sheelagh? Anyone home?'

'Hmm?' It took her a moment to realise Lance was addressing her. 'No.'

He smiled. 'Didn't think so. Can I get you another drink?'

'No, thanks.' She shrugged apologetically. 'I'm not feeling very sociable.'

'Sheelagh, can I ask you something?'

That sounded ominous. 'I suppose.'

'I wouldn't normally say anything but you have been like this for a few weeks.'

'Lance, spit it out.'

He looked uncomfortable. 'Is this about Gabriel?'

'What? That's ridiculous.'

'Is it? Sheelagh, much as I hate the guy, I've seen the way you've been looking at him.'

How could she have been giving out signals she wasn't even aware of? 'Lance, please.'

'Are you falling for him?'

'No! He's not even interested.'

'I wouldn't bet on that either.'

Fairly soon after she made her excuses. The atmosphere had turned a little frosty between her and Lance considering his refusal to accept she wasn't attracted to Gabriel and vica versa. His argument then had been 'the lady doth protest too much'. Did he have a point?

She had kissed Gabriel and been disappointed when he hadn't wanted to follow through on it. But at the time she'd thought it was more out of need for companionship than a true attraction.

But it was Gabriel! A checkered past didn't seem to cover it. For starters, he'd been involved with Kerry Young. More than involved really- she had been carrying his child. Then there had been the various allegations against him. PC Ruby Buxton had accused him of setting someone up for handling stolen goods, she'd even quit because of it. And Marie Carver always maintained he had attacked Jim with a bottle when he was unconscious. Speculation surely.

There was just something about him that drew Sheelagh in his direction. Maybe just her craving for someone. Anyone. Gabriel was as good a choice as anyone.


	2. Differences of opinion

A/N: I have to apologise for the delay, had a bit of a blockage on this particular story. But I think I'm back. Distraction from exams, obviously... Oh, and thanks for those nice reviews. :)

* * *

Phil strutted into CID Tuesday morning, a Cheshire Cat grin on his face. 'Morning, all.'

'You look happy,' Terry commented.

'Yeah, I am, mate.'

'Oh, aye?' Gary Best joined the conversation. 'Gt lucky, did ya?'

With her back to them Sam felt free to roll her eyes.

'Wouldn't you like to know?'

As Phil came round to sit as his desk, Sam arranged her face into a mask of boredom. 'Morning.'

'Everything alright?'

'Why wouldn't it be?'

'Hey.' He leaned a little over the desks. 'I was on my own last night.'

Determined not to show him anything she looked back to the statement she was reading. 'Right.'

'Come on, don't pretend you don't care.'

'Phil, we're at work.'

'Just wanted you to know.'

He settled down to a pile of paperwork while Sam tired in vain to concentrate on her own work. Phil kept looking up, it was distracting, especially when she could take a guess at what he was thinking.

Still, she had to admit the attention was nice.

* * *

'You reckon this is the place?' Gabriel asked sarcastically as the duo approached a house practically rocking with screams.

'Let's hazard a guess, shall we?' Sheelagh took the lead, banging heavily on the door.

The yelling ceased. After a moment a figure appeared in the glass, a distorted swirl. The door was opened by a forty-something male, distinctive by a scratch running the full length of his left cheek. 'Yes, what?'

'A neighbour reported shouting,' Gabriel said.

'So?'

'So, we came to check it out. Mr Levison, yes?'

Sheelagh was busy examining the wound. 'Are you alright, Sir?'

'Look, what is this?' He put his hand to his face, touching blood. 'This is between me and my wife.'

'Can we speak to your wife, Sir?' Gabriel questioned.

'You're not needed here!'

'All the same,' Sheelagh pressed before Gabriel could speak. 'It might be a good idea.'

'Fine.' He stepped aside. 'If it'll get you out of the way.'

'Very kind of you,' Gabriel muttered as Sheelagh followed him into the pristine house.

Everything seemed in order. There were no tell-tale signs of domestic violence, smashed objects or the like but something didn't feel right. If only she could put her finger on exactly what.

The pair were led into the kitchen, Sheelagh noticed a reaction on the husband's part when he caught sight of his wife.

'Mrs Levison?' Gabriel questioned the rather attractive woman.

'Yes.' She put her mug down and glanced to her husband. 'Sorry, what is this about?'

'One of your neighbours reported a disturbance. We're obliged to check it out.'

Was it Sheelagh's imagination or was he flirting? For goodness sake, the woman's husband was standing right there!

Mrs Levison paused for a moment. I can't think what that might have been. Jack?'

'That's what I said.'

Sheelagh glanced at Gabriel, he didn't seem bothered either way. It was down to her then. 'Were you arguing at all?'

Mrs Levison smiled. Not at all.'

'Right then,' Gabriel said. 'Seems to be a misunderstanding. We'll be leaving.'

'Pardon?' Sheelagh looked at him.

'You heard them. We're not needed.'

* * *

'Here.' A cup of coffee plopped onto the desk beside her pile of papers. 'You need it.'

She was determined not to encourage him, barely glancing up, she answered, 'Why would that be, Phil?'

He grinned. 'You've been staring at your desk all morning. Thought you were tired.'

'Sorry if I didn't want to hear about your night out.'

'You are jealous then.'

'Interested's more the word. You're a friend after all.'

'Oh, Sam!'

Sighing, she put her pen down. 'Eight o'clock. Outside the station.'

He raised an eyebrow. 'I don't take orders well.'

'You'll take this one.'

* * *

'Stop going on about it, Sheelagh!'

'Sorry, I think it needs discussing. The way you behaved back there was unprofessional, not to mention inappropriate.'

'Look, the call was just an overreaction.'

'Oh, and I suppose he scratched himself, did he?'

Gabriel shook his head. 'She wasn't hitting him.'

'In your world that can't happen then?'

'It's not likely, okay?'

She snorted. 'You better hope you're right, Gabriel.'


	3. Right after all

A/N: Trust me. Yes, trust me. Have I ever done anything really wrong with them? Well, kinda, I guess but everything usually goes right. Might have to change that this time of course.

* * *

Jack Meadows barged into CID, a determined look on his face. 'Phil, Sam.'

'Guv?' She looked up distractedly.

'Male stab victim at St. Hughes. I want you two down there.'

'But I've got this lot...'

'No arguments.' He left in the same manner as he'd arrived.

'Look on the bright side,' Phil smiled. 'You got the best copper on your arm.'

'Give me his number. I'll look him up.'

* * *

'Coffee.'

'Thanks.' Sheelagh took the offered cup. The pair were stood at a roadside café waiting for orders of some kind. For the last two hours since the call to the Levison's, the air had been distinctly frosty.

'You gonna ignore me all day.'

'How would you like me to act?'

'What are you really upset about, Sheelagh, hmm?' Gabriel placed his own coffee on a nearby bench. 'The way I handled the situation back there or something else?'

The coffee was scalding her hands. 'Now you mention it, I don't think your tone was entirely appropriate.'

'I was being polite.'

'You were flirting!'

'Ah.' He paused. 'Sheelagh, I thought we cleared all this up.'

'I don't know what you're talking about.'

'Yes, you do.'

During her attempt to keep a clear expression, she felt the plastic cup slip form her fingers, burning her hand as it went. 'Ow!'

'Here.' Gabriel took her wrist being careful not to touch the red skin. Then he pulled some tiny bottle of spray out of his pocket. 'For emergencies.'

She barely had time to marvel before the pain really started setting in. Gabriel, seeing her face, sprayed little flecks of the substance onto her hand, the tingling soon diminished. 'Full of surprises, aren't you?'

'You'd be amazed.' He hadn't let go of her wrist. 'I shouldn't have flirted with Mrs Levison. It was unprofessional of me and maybe a little inconsiderate.'

'Gabriel, I don't...'

'It's alright. Maybe I've been a little blind.'

Just as she was about to ask him what he meant by that his radio crackled. Trust the criminals of Sun Hill to do their business then.

* * *

'Mr Levison, is it?' Sam approached the bed-ridden man, Phil on her heels.

'Yes. Are you police?'

'Yes. Can you tell us what happened?'

'No.' The reply was immediate.

'Well, didn't you see your attacker?' she probed.

'I'd really rather not pursue it.'

'Was it someone you know?'

'I said you could go!'

'It ain't that simple.' Phil stepped forward. 'Now, you were found on the street, how'd you get there?'

'I live on that street.'

'Right, so, what? You were going out to buy a bag of sugar, what?'

'Like I said to those other copper, I just want to be left alone.'

'Wait,' Sam said quickly. 'Which coppers?'

'The two that came sniffing round the house this morning. Don't remember their names.'

'What did they look like?'

'One of them was flirting with my wife, I can tell you that. I didn't like the look of him. Oh, and the woman was Irish.'

Sam looked to Phil. 'Sheelagh Murphy?'

He nodded.

* * *

One drunken brawl later and Sheelagh and Gabriel were back at the station with a prisoner in tow. After booking him in they were about to head back out onto the streets when DS Nixon beckoned them into an office off the custody area.

'Did you two meet a man called Jack Levison this morning?'

A feeling of dread bubbled within Sheelagh. 'Yes, why?'

'He's been admitted to St. Hughes with multiple stab wounds.'

Her earlier feelings towards Gabriel returned with a vengeance. 'I knew we should have dug deeper!'

'What am I missing?' Samantha looked from one to the other.

'It's the wife,' Sheelagh sighed.

'Now, we don't know that,' Gabriel interjected. 'That was just your gut feeling.'

Before Sheelagh could snap something back, Samantha jumped in. 'PC Kent, I'd like to speak to PC Murphy alone please. Wait outside.'

He left, not without throwing an irritated glance at Sheelagh though. For a second she felt guilty about seeming to undermine him but the thought was wiped clear out of her mind as Samantha prompted her.

'Sheelagh?'

'Oh, sorry. This morning a neighbour reported a disturbance at the Levison's, both of them swore nothing had happened. Did you notice the cut on his cheek?'

'I assumed it came from the attack.'

Sheelagh shook her head. 'No. I think the wife did it. Was she at the hospital?'

'She wasn't actually. Sheelagh, if you suspected the wife of abuse this morning why didn't you question her about it?'

'Neither of them seemed to want us there and...' She trailed off uncertainly. Dropping Gabriel in it was the wrong thing to do.

'Gabriel didn't want to follow it up,' Samantha finished.

'I can understand why. It was a long shot.'

'Which turned out to be right by the look of it.' Sam paused. 'You've got some sort of a relationship with Mrs Levison. I want you with us when we search the house.'

'Of course.' She started to leave.

'And Sheelagh?'

'Yes?'

'Trust your own instincts next time. They're usually right.'


	4. At knife point

A/N: Can I just say a really big thanks for the response I've had with this. I was having a little trouble with it but all your encouragement's helped. Let's just say, I know where I'm going for the next ten chapters at least. Cheers all.

* * *

'If uniform had done their job properly, we wouldn't be out searching for a mad woman,' Phil complained loudly.

Sam glanced over to where Sheelagh Murphy was standing a few yards away with a neighbour. 'Phil, leave it.'

'I'm just saying.'

'Well, don't.'

The house had been clear, no sign of Mrs Levison or any blood that would have been left from such a vicious attack. The obvious conclusion was that it had happened elsewhere.

'Sarge!' Sheelagh approached them. 'The Levison's own a garage round the back. Number twelve.'

'Good work, Sheelagh. You come with me. Phil, take a few uniform round the other way in case she makes a run for it.'

A few minutes later the duo found the garage along with a crimson trail leading toward it. Sheelagh kneeled down. 'Blood.'

Sam nodded then pulled open the garage door.

It was pitch black in there. Trying to focus she took a few steps into the gloom, hearing Sheelagh beside her do the same. Shapes were starting to appear though little else and, despite straining to her ears, she couldn't hear a thing.

Sheelagh edged a little closer, Sam could understand why, it was much too dark for her liking.

'Who's there?' The voice was trembling.

'Mrs Levison, this is PC Murphy. We spoke this morning, do you remember?'

The woman came forward allowing Sam to see the knife shaking in her hands. 'Jack?'

Sheelagh stepped forward an inch. 'He's in hospital. They think he'll be alright. We could take you to see him.'

'I didn't mean to hurt him, I just... Why did you have to come interfering?'

'You can't pretend we started this. It had been going on a while, hadn't it?'

'He never knew when to stop talking but I never meant to hurt him!'

'Why don't you tell me what happened, hmm?' Sheelagh asked gently.

'He was just going on and on about what I was doing and the knife was just there and...'

'Okay, okay,' Sheelagh broke into the growing hysterics. 'Now, Mrs Levison, listen to me carefully. We'll be able to help you but only if you give up that knife right now.'

'No, I can't.'

Samantha watched as her colleague yet again moved closer to the trembling woman. 'Sheelagh...'

'It's fine,' she answered. 'You're not going to hurt anyone are you, Mrs Levison?'

'I'm scared.'

'I know. But everything will be much clearer once you put down the knife.'

'You're right, I know that.' The figure let the knife drop to her waist. 'I really didn't...'

'It's alright,' Sheelagh silenced as she approached carefully. 'We'll talk about it later.'

Just as Sheelagh reached the woman a noise behind Sam startled them all. Phil had come running into the garage. As Mrs Levison raised the knife dangerously close to Sheelagh's abdomen Sam dived forward knocking the weapon well clear.

Hauling the now sobbing Mrs Levison to her feet she glared angrily at Phil. 'What the hell are you playing at?'

'I thought you were in trouble!'

'Take her.' Sam passed the prisoner to me before turning to Sheelagh, holding out a hand to assist her. 'Are you alright?'

'Yes, fine. Really.'

'Sorry, he shouldn't have done that.'

Sheelagh smiled. 'At least it means I'm not the only one to have messed up today.'

'The only thing you were guilty of was not listening to yourself. And next time don't listen to Gabriel Kent.'

* * *

Later that day Samantha joined Gina Gold in her office for a drink, something they did occasionally.

'You look like you need it,' Gina pointed out as she poured. 'Bad day?'

'No more than usual.'

'Really?'

Knowing Gina could read her, she shrugged. 'You heard about the Levison incident?'

'Yeah, I heard Sheelagh handled it well.'

'She was brilliant, Gina. Calmed her down brilliantly.'

'So what's the problem?'

Sam sighed. 'It shouldn't have got that far.'

'We've all had situations like that. You just have to learn from the mistake.'

'I doubt he will,' she muttered.

Gina looked at her curiously. 'Who are you talking about?'

'Oh, no one.'

'That tells me it's one of my relief,' Gina replied shrewdly. 'Who?'

She'd managed to well and truly trap herself. 'Gabriel Kent.'

'Now, why doesn't that surprise me? What did he do?'

'I think he railroaded Sheelagh into not following up the disturbance at the Levison's this morning.'

Gina's face hardened. 'So he was responsible for the mess today?'

'In part, I suppose.'

'Knowing Gabriel, more than in part. I don't want him bringing Sheelagh down to his level, she's too good an officer.'

'Yeah, she is.' Sam downed her drink. 'Right, I have to go.'

'Oh?'

'I'm going for a drink with Phil.'

The Inspector choked. 'Hunter?'

'Yep.'

'Rather you than me.'

'It'll be fine.'

'It will be as long as you don't take your eyes off him.'


	5. Anger and invitations

It hadn't exactly been a restful night for Sheelagh. Threats and close situations were a regular occurrence in the job but it was always the incidents which could have been avoided that preyed on her mind. The trouble was that part of her couldn't be angry at Gabriel for his role.

So on the way to work on Wednesday morning she still found herself pondering the situation with the Levisons and wondering if she could have done better.

'Sheelagh!' Gabriel jogged up behind her as she walked towards the station entrance. He looked like he'd been running for quite a while. 'I've been calling you for ten minutes.'

'Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about things.'

'It's fine,' he answered. 'I could do with the exercise. Look, I wanted to apologise if I put you in a dangerous situation yesterday.'

'You didn't,' she found herself saying. 'I managed to do that all by myself.'

'I still feel I should apologise. By way of a drink perhaps?'

'Sure. Why not?'

* * *

Mid-morning and she was still completing the paperwork for the previous day's arrests. It was unbelievable! Though, Sam reasoned for the tenth time that hour, if it helped secure more convictions it was worth it in the long run.

It hadn't helped that Phil had been sitting opposite her for the last few hours bringing back thoughts of her evening with him. They'd only had a drink (though of course Phil had wanted more) but it had been pleasant. Perhaps there was a path for them.

Angry footsteps and door swinging behind her prompted her to turn only to come face to face with Gabriel Kent. To combat the sense of smallness she was feeling with him towering over her, she stood. 'Gabriel.'

'I've just been hauled over the coals by Inspector Gold. Something to do with my handling of the Levison situation yesterday. I've got you to thank, haven't I?'

'Excuse me, PC Kent, are you forgetting who you're talking to?'

He leaned in closer. 'Not at all, _Sarge_. I just wanna know how come you dropped me in it? I mean you weren't there.'

Glancing to her right Sam found the altercation had attracted Phil's attention. The last thing she wanted was him wading in to her rescue again. 'It was thought your judgement yesterday could have been better.'

'By who?' It clicked. 'Sheelagh, right?'

'_I_ thought you handled the situation badly, Gabriel. If you don't mind, I'm up to my eyes in paperwork.'

Once he'd left Sam sat back down heavily. For some reason she felt guilty for putting Sheelagh in Gabriel's firing line. Well, it wasn't as if he could do anything about her comments was it?

* * *

'At least you're proving my point.'

'Lance, it's just a drink.'

'That's what they all say.'

Not answering, she fingered her empty coffee carton for a minute until footsteps approached the table.

It was Gabriel, with two cups of coffee. Hesitantly, he placed one in front of her. 'I noticed you were out.'

Lance cleared his throat. 'I better be going.'

Sheelagh smiled at his sensitivity. Once he'd left Gabriel took the empty seat glancing around the canteen to make sure no one was near.

'Is something wrong?' Sheelagh questioned.

'No, no. I just don't want anyone to hear that's all.'

'Top secret, is it?'

He smiled. 'In a way. You see, drinks tonight. I was thinking and it isn't enough, is it?'

That was intriguing. 'Really?'

'No, I wanna take you out to dinner. If you'd do me the pleasure, of course.'

'Gabriel, I'd be delighted.'

* * *

Later that afternoon, having just finished an interview, Sam was walking back up to CID when she bumped into Sheelagh Murphy coming down the stairs. 'Oh, hi. Is everything alright?'

She looked puzzled. 'Why wouldn't it be?'

Well, no need to draw her attention to a bit of harmless banter between her and Gabriel Kent. 'No reason.'

'Right.' Sheelagh paused. 'I forgot to ask yesterday, how's Abigail doing?'

'Driving me mad actually,' Sam smiled. 'But it's great having her home.'

'I bet it is. Is she nervous about the baby?'

'A little. I don't suppose it'll hit her until the birth.'

'Listen, I've got a book she might like to look at. Help her prepare perhaps.'

'Sheelagh, that'd be great. To be honest, I can't remember a thing about my pregnancy. I think I blotted it all out.'

'I know that feeling,' Sheelagh laughed. 'I'll drop it round sometime.'

'I appreciate it.'

Phil had pestered her to go for another drink that night but she hadn't accepted. Apart from not wanting to appear too keen she just fancied a night in with a good book. Abi was having dinner with some old friends so that left the house quiet for once.

As she left the station she saw Sheelagh, evidently waiting for someone. After a moment Gabriel appeared offering his arm along with a bunch of flowers. They walked off together leaving Sam thoughtfully contemplating Gabriel's motives and just what Sheelagh was getting herself into.


	6. Optimism

A/N: So, yeah. Not v.happy about the Bernie news. Guess I'll just have to make the most of her while I can. And put Sheelagh through hell in this story of mine, just to take my feelings out on something.

* * *

Being quietly optimistic about her future wasn't something she'd experienced for a while so it was difficult for her to accept that perhaps she could be happy with Gabriel. Yet the dinner the previous evening had been perfect. A beautiful romantic restaurant with the perfect escort. What more could a lady ask for?

But something was telling her to be careful. Not because she didn't trust Gabriel but because the past had shown her happiness could be taken away in an instant.

* * *

'Miss me last night?'

She masked her smile as he sat down at his desk. 'Phil, as much as you think it, the world doesn't revolve around you.'

'That's a yes then.'

'It was quiet,' she admitted. 'But I like that.'

'Do ya?'

'After the last few months it's a relief.'

'Okay,' he shrugged. 'But I would like to do it again sometime.'

'How about tonight?' Sam looked up. 'Instead of going out you could come round for a bite to eat.'

'What about Abi?'

'She's got a busy social life for someone who's six months pregnant.'

'In that case, yeah, I'd love to.'

* * *

After a fairly lengthy inner-debate that she'd struggled with throughout the day, Sam decided she wanted to play the dutiful woman. For one night only. The idea was to irritate Phil more than anything else. She wanted to show him that he wasn't calling the shots, if there was going to be any kind of relationship it'd be on her terms.

So she'd prepared everything to perfection. The food was in the oven, wine chilled, candles lit. It was time to twist a certain DS Hunter round her little finger.

The doorbell rang a little earlier than she expected but she was organised so she answered it, making sure she was looking stunning first. However, it wasn't Phil at the door. 'Oh, Sheelagh.'

The Irish woman offered a small bag. 'I brought that book. You look nice, if you don't mind me saying.'

'You're making me blush.' Sam took the bag. 'No, I'm cooking dinner for Phil tonight. Well, I say cooking, I ordered it from a takeaway, I'm just keeping it warm.'

'That's my kind of cooking,' Sheelagh smiled. 'Well, I'll leave you to it.'

'No, no. Have a drink with me.'

'You've got company coming.'

'It's Phil. He'll be late.'

Sheelagh seemed to be a little uncomfortable but nevertheless came in. Pouring them both glasses of wine, Sam led her colleague into the candle-lit living-room, indicating for her to sit down.

For a minute they drank in silence. Then Sam said, 'Do you think I'm going mad, Sheelagh?'

'That's an open question isn't it?'

Sam smiled. 'It is I suppose. Anyway, is everything alright with you? I saw you sneaking away with Gabriel yesterday.'

'I'd hardly call it sneaking.'

'It seemed like that.'

'Well,' Sheelagh shrugged. 'Neither of us want everything to be common knowledge. You know what the station gossips are like.'

'Fair point,' Sam conceded taking another sip of wine. 'Is it a serious thing then, you and Gabriel?'

'I don't know about that.'

'You'd like it to be?'

'I suppose so.'

Though part of her mind was telling her to stay well out of it she knew she couldn't, at least not completely. 'Be careful with Gabriel. He's got background.'

Sheelagh raised an eyebrow. 'This coming from the woman dating Phil Hunter?'

'Well, I'm putting it down to insanity.'

'You'd have to, wouldn't you?'

'He does have some good qualities.' Sam strained to think. 'He's got instincts.'

'If that's the best you can come up I see problems in the future.'

'Let me be the first to say the same about you and Gabriel.'

Sheelagh sighed, taking it a little more seriously than it was meant. 'Maybe you're right. I've had this niggling feeling all day, as though I'm being overly optimistic.'

'There's nothing wrong with that. We could all do with a dose of optimism every so often.'

'Every time I feel like this something goes wrong.'

Sam lowered her eyes as Sheelagh took a long drink of wine. 'I don't think there's much you can apart from hope things work out how they're supposed to.'

'Yeah, you're right.' The doorbell rang. 'Oh, that's my cue. Thanks for the drink.'

Seeing her to the door, Sam searched for something to say. 'I'm sure Abigail will appreciate the book.'

'Oh, anything I can do.' Sheelagh opened the door revealing Phil, looking puzzled as he noticed them both. 'Don't worry, I'm going. Bye, Sam.'

As she walked down the path Phil took the chance, taking himself into the house. Sam, however, watched her colleague all the way to her car and then down the road. She couldn't explain away the sick feeling that rose in her stomach as she closed the door.


	7. Intentions

A/N: So, yep, it has been a few days since my last update, got so much going on in my head I'm sure it'll explode. Not good for my computer screen really. Anyhow, I'm back.

* * *

Dinner on Thursday evening had been a complete failure, Sam didn't even have to ask Phil to be certain of that. For a start she'd been somewhat distracted most of the time, managing to answer most of his questions with an incoherent mumble. Then she'd poured wine over his lap instead of in his glass and liquidated the dessert in the microwave. It was fairly safe to say that a dutiful housewife she would not be.

So on Friday morning she thought it only right to wait for him outside the station to explain. That way they wouldn't be airing any dirty laundry in front of the whole of CID.

He appeared, a little irritated perhaps to see her, but he stopped anyway. 'Morning.'

'Phil,' she said hesitantly. 'I made a mess of last night.'

He let out a heavy breath. 'No, you didn't. You know, maybe we were rushing things.'

'Maybe.'

'But, listen, when you spend half the night staring into space and the rest talking about another bloke I start to worry.'

'Sorry, who was I talking about?'

'Gabriel Kent. Thought you were trying to make me jealous or something.'

'I didn't realise,' she admitted.

'Sure you don't fancy him or something?'

'No, that I'm sure of.'

'Good, cause you were in danger of putting your streak of good taste at risk.'

'I think that ship's already sailed.'

'Cheeky.' He nodded for them to start walking. 'I think I'll take you out next time.'

'There'll be a next time then?'

'You can count on it.'

* * *

'Have you talked to Gabriel today?' Lance questioned Sheelagh as they patrolled the Jasmine Allen Estate early afternoon.

'When did you become my watcher?'

'Pretty much as soon as I started worrying about you.'

'You don't have to worry, Lance.'

'If you say so.'

She contemplated letting that go but, no, she had to find out what he was trying to say. 'You've got a problem with Gabriel, what is it?'

He shrugged. 'I don't trust him.'

'Why not?'

'There's just something about him, Sheelagh. Be careful.'

'You're the second person to tell me that this week.'

'Perhaps there's truth in it then.'

'Don't you think you're being a little over-dramatic?'

* * *

It was turning out to be a long drawn-out afternoon for Sam. One thing she could never understand was why, when criminals were completely backed into a corner, they still kept up the pretence of whatever lie they were running with. Take good old Patrick Gordon, two witnesses placed him at the scene of a serious assault plus they had the weapon with his prints all over it and still he protested he was at home having his breakfast. Even the graphic detail of how the bacon and eggs were cooked wasn't going to save him.

After depositing Mr Gordon back in his cell to let him think about whether he wanted to cooperate or not, Sam headed back up the CID intent on finding something in the database that would allow her and Gary to finish the job.

However, as she started up the steps she heard voices coming from the corridor above. Though not prone to eavesdropping she hesitated as she recognised one of the voices as belonging to Gabriel Kent.

'What's your problem, Lance?' he was saying.

'Sheelagh deserves to be treated well.'

'I know exactly what she deserves and, believe me, she'll get it.'

The way that he said that chilled her a little.

Lance obviously agreed. 'What's that supposed to mean?'

'Just what it says.'

'A lot of people care about Sheelagh around here.'

'Like who?' Gabriel scoffed. 'The ones who can remember what her last boyfriend did to the station? Or the ones who think she's a racist?'

'Gabriel, I'm warning you.'

'Is that supposed to scare me?'

Sam quickly moved aside as Gabriel came down the stairs. He must have seen her but he made no acknowledgement. Moments later, Lance appeared, stopping short as he saw her. 'Oh, Sarge.'

The part of her which usually screamed at her not to get involved seemed to have blacked out temporarily. 'What was that about?'

PC Powell shifted uncomfortable. 'Nothing, Sarge.'

'Lance.'

'It was nothing to do with work.'

'I know that,' she answered leading him away from the busy corridor below. 'What was that about Sheelagh?'

'It's private, Sarge.'

'I'm a friend of Sheelagh's. If she might get hurt, I want to know about it.'

'Gabriel was just winding me up,' Lance answered. 'It's nothing.'

Watching the young PC escape down the corridor she could safely assume that it was definitely something. And nothing good, she knew that much.


	8. Caring Sam Nixon

A/N: Queen of obsessed, Claire? No one comes close to your standard really, do they? And I totally agree, Gem, not a good day. Think I might kick things up a notch and have the next few days turn into... oh, I don't know, a nightmare?

* * *

Almost a month later Sam went into work contemplating the day ahead.

Sheelagh had taken emergency leave the day after Sam had overheard the altercation between Gabriel and Lance. The anxiety had set in straight away and Sam's first port of call had been Inspector Gold's office. After a little bit of pressure Gina had admitted Sheelagh had some family problems, nothing more. The relief had been immediate.

Of course, she was still concerned for her colleague but there didn't seem to be any imminent problems so she'd focussed on her relationship with Phil. It was going well. For him to be the perfect gentleman for so long he had to consider it a serious thing. Despite his innuendos she'd resisted falling into bed with him at the first opportunity and he'd seemed to accept that. So, yes, it was going very well.

She did have a favour to ask of him though, one which she'd decided would be better approached in a work environment. As in a place where he couldn't blow up about it.

He looked up suspiciously when she'd said good morning. 'Why do I get the feeling you're gonna ask me something?'

'Your coppers mind maybe.'

'Mmm, nice try. Come on, Sam, what is it?'

She sat down. 'What's your rule on double dates?'

He shrugged. 'As long as it's not Steve and his latest slapper it's alright.'

'So, Sheelagh Murphy and Gabriel Kent?'

'You what? Tell me you're joking.'

'I thought it might be nice.'

'Better than going down the dentist and having your teeth pulled?'

'Phil, come on,' she said sweetly. 'For me.'

He exhaled deeply. Alright, alright. But I thought you didn't like the guy.'

'I don't. That's the point.'

* * *

'You know, I was worried when you took leave. Thought you'd gone off me or something.'

'Oh, I'm sorry,' Sheelagh smiled. 'Patrick was in such a state after the crash, I couldn't leave him.'

'He's alright now though?'

'Once he started criticising my cleaning I know it was fine for me to go home.'

'You didn't answer my calls though,' Gabriel persisted.

'To be honest I needed some thinking time. I wanted to work out whether this was going anywhere.'

'And is it?'

'I think it might be.'

* * *

'Gina, have you seen Sheelagh?'

The Inspector looked up from her desk. 'She's out on patrol with Gabriel, why?'

Her face probably visibly sank but she attempted a cover. 'Just needed her expertise on a case.'

'Really?'

'Mmm, thought she might know one of the suspects.'

Gina sighed. 'Sam, come in here a minute.'

Closing the office door behind her, Sam took the chair opposite the Inspector's. 'What is it?'

'You've very interested in Sheelagh Murphy all of a sudden.'

'I'm not sure I know what you mean.'

'Samantha, this is me you're talking to. What's going on?'

'I'm concerned, that's all.'

'Why?'

She hesitated. 'What do you know about Gabriel Kent?'

'Not as much as I'd like.'

'Is he the kind of man Sheelagh should be with?'

Gina raised an eyebrow. 'There's something I haven't heard.'

'Do you trust him?'

'Oh, about as much as I trust Phil Hunter.'

'Very funny.'

'Who's joking?'

'Gina, seriously. Is he going to hurt her?'

'I'm sure Sheelagh can look after herself. Even if Gabriel is trouble, what's it got to do with you?'

'I care.'

'It's easier not to.'

Sam stood. 'Can you tell Sheelagh I'm looking for her?'

* * *

Her first day back had been thankfully uneventful. Aside from one angry drunk who Gabriel had restrained it had been an average day on foot patrol. The company had been nice, that was the most important thing.

She was caught by Inspector Gold as she was going off-shift, apparently Samantha wanted to see her. After a little search she located her by the water cooler in the top corridor. 'I got the message you wanted to see me, Sarge?'

Sam spun around. 'Enough with the formalities, Sheelagh.'

'Okay. So, what did you want?'

The detective appeared hesitant. 'How do you feel about coming out to dinner with me and Phil, with Gabriel, of course?'

Usually able to take things in her stride, Sheelagh found herself at a bit of a loss. 'Sorry?'

'Oh, it was just a thought.' Sam leaned down to fill her plastic cup.

'No, no, I just... When were you thinking of?'

'Tomorrow night?'

'That'd be nice.'


	9. Dinner

A/N: Indigestion anybody? Sorry this took so long, working stuff out and exams and all. Abi, thought about posting any? I'd be interested in reading them.

* * *

It was a fancy restaurant, Sam acknowledged as the small group were shown to a secluded table. Having left the booking to Phil she'd been a little worried about the type of place he'd choose but it seemed she needn't have been. Perhaps it was all that extra-marital dating he'd done, the way to woo one of the local tramps was by showing them a bit of class after all.

Their table was a small round one, the kind usually reserved for intimate little gatherings. Sam supposed that, to an outsider at least, their group would appear to be such a gathering. However, her own motives for wanting a table like that were much more complicated. Across from her sat Sheelagh, to her left Gabriel and Phil was on her right. The arrangement meant she could easily examine te couple without actually seeming to.

Early signs had been mixed. It was evident Gabriel wasn't overly thrilled at being there but he appeared to be an effort. Sam wasn't sure how to take that. Unless his feelings had changed in the month since the argument with Lance he had an hidden agenda, and that made her nervous. On the other hand, she was all ready to convict without proof and that wasn't what she preached.

'This is a beautiful place, Phil.' It was Sheelagh who broke the uneasy silence that had settled on them.

'You leave it to me, that's what you get. By the way, you two ladies look beautiful yourselves.'

Mmm, well, Sam had coached him on compliments. She wasn't sure about herself, it had taken her an age to settle on a simple black dress with a cut up the side, but he was spot on about Sheelagh. Dressed in a sparkling red and black dress the Irish woman looked fantastic.

Gabriel seemed keen to remind them he was there. 'I agree.'

After ordering their starters from the vast menu the foursome fell into chit-chat, avoiding the unspoken taboo of work Thanks to a rather sexist comment of Phil's they'd landed on the subject of men versus women.

Sheelagh was being surprisingly vocal about her thoughts. 'You think you have it so rough.'

'Yeah, well,' Phil answered. 'You just blame everything on your hormones.'

Sam felt she just had to break in. 'No, you blame everything on hormones. We just accept it's all your fault.'

Across the table, Sheelagh smiled.

'Hang on.' Phil wasn't going to give up. 'Women make mistakes too, you know.'

'We own up to them,' Sam replied.

At that, Gabriel flinched. He'd been fairly quiet since they'd arrived, something Sam had noticed even if Sheelagh didn't seem to have. It was strange. Being the type of man he was, ex-military and someone who definitely fancied himself a tough guy, Sam was surprised he hadn't jumped in to help Phil on his little crusade. From the way he was throwing irritated glances at his date there was obviously a problem though Sheelagh hadn't noticed the looks anymore than she had the silence.

'Your starters.' The waiter interrupted them, luckily, Sam thought wryly.

There was little more talk until part-way through the main course. For some reason or another Sam had recalled an incident from her adolescence where she'd managed to get a distant cousin maimed by a wild day. That had opened up the gateway and for the last ten minutes or so she and Sheelagh had been batting various experiences across the table. Until Phil choked on a potato beside her she'd almost forgotten he was there.

At that point Sheelagh seemed to remember Gabriel was there. It was a shame, Sam told herself, to have to change course just so they could include the men in the conversation. She, for one, had been enjoying the light banter. It was relaxing talking to Sheelagh, she didn't have to maintain a professional face or try and hold anything back as she ocassionally did with Phil.

'How's your food?' Gabriel finally spoke up.

'Delicious,' Sheelagh answered, looking at him properly for the first time since they'd sat down. 'This really was a brilliant idea.'

'I'll drink to that,' he answered, topping up Sheelagh's glass with wine. 'Thanks for the invitation, Sam.'

The way he said it was chilling her. Excusing herself, she headed for the washroom intent on splashing away some of her worries. The water though just made her creased brow more prominent.

After a few minutes, when she was just contemplating going back to the table, the door swung open and Sheelagh came in, slightly worry etched on her face. 'Everything alright?'

'Oh, no, I...' Sam steadied herself. 'The boys okay?'

'They're talking about cars,' Sheelagh smiled, coming over to the sinks. 'Somehow I don't think we'll be missed.'

Sam nodded, wondering what next to say. 'I was a bit worried when you took leave.'

'Really?'

'You sound surprised.'

'Well, I am. To be honest I didn't think anyone would notice.'

'You underestimate yourself, Sheelagh. You're a big part of the station.'

'I find that hard to believe.'

'Take my word for it.' Sam paused. 'How are things between you and Gabriel then? Tell me if I'm being too nosy, I can't help it sometimes.'

'Not at all. No, it's going well, I think.'

'Really? That's good.'

'What about you and Phil?' Sheelagh questioned.

'Well, you know Phil. I'm having to keep him in check.'

'Yeah. Good luck with that.'

'It's crazy, isn't it?' Sam leaned against the wall. 'I've known him for years, despised him for a good part of that time.'

'What changed?' asked Sheelagh softly.

'I don't know. He got shot, that helped.'

'I suppose it doesn't matter where you start, it's where you end up that's important.'

'That would make every relationship I've ever had unimportant.'

Sheelagh smiled slightly. 'Maybe that's the point.'

Absorbing that, Sam looked over. 'Do you believe in there being one true love for everybody?'

'I thought I did, with Patrick. Now I'm not so sure.'

'Gabriel's not the one then?'

'Is Phil?' Sheelagh answered back. 'How are we supposed to know? Love... Even you can't work that one out with logic.'

'Don't worry, I can try.'

A few minutes later the pair returned to the table, finding Phil and Gabriel sat in silence. It wasn't clear how long they'd been like that but neither of them looked particularly happy. Sam glanced over to Sheelagh who seemed more uncomfortable in Gabriel's company than she had before. Wasn't that what Sam had wanted?

Phil was obviously working on being a gentleman. 'Is everything okay?'

She reached for his hand under the table. 'Of course.'

He looked satisfied with the answer, Gabriel didn't though. Perhaps he'd noticed how Sheelagh was now closer to Phil than him. Sam wondered what was going through her mind, if her discomfort had anything to do with her not believing (and rightly so) that Gabriel was 'the one' then the new tension-filled atmosphere was courtesy of their conversation. Sam hadn't wanted to end the evening on a sour note but that seemed the way it was heading.

To be blunt, it ended precisely like that. Dessert was a quiet affair, every so often the two women met eyes but there was no talking. The only sound coming form their table was the clanking of spoons on fine china. Briefly, Sam wondered how they were looking to outsiders now. Like the complicated group they were probably.

As soon as was politely possible the group split in two. Gabriel became the perfect gentleman again, helping Sheelagh with her coat, wrapping an arm around her in what could have easily been construed as an affectionate gesture. From where Sam was standing he was aiming to prove he still had control. Despite her best efforts and Sheelagh's earlier uneasiness, perhaps he did.

They separated at the doors. It seemed strange, given the close proximity of Sam and Sheelagh's houses, that they weren't sharing a cab but the men seemed to be agreement. Also, Sam had the feeling that Phil at least was angling for an invite in. Maybe she'd offer it.

* * *

That's not quite the end of the evening though... 


	10. The calm or the storm

A/N: No arguing on the sulking front, Claire, but tough luck. You know me, I have to string it out. Wow, I've never been called an inspiration by anyone. Well, not a sober person (you are, aren't you?). Thanks, Abi. Look forward to reading them.

* * *

'It was nice of you to invite me in,' Gabriel said after stretching out in the chair.

Feeling it probably wouldn't be polite to say she hadn't really had a choice, Sheelagh just handed him a glass of wine before collapsing on the sofa. 'I could do with the company.'

'No Connor?'

'He's staying with Patrick for a while, in case he falls or something.'

'He sounds like a good kid. Not many lads his age would wanna help out their parents.'

She smiled. 'Yeah, he is.'

Gabriel sat back contentedly. 'Was everything really alright at the restaurant? You two had us worried.'

'It was just girl talk. Boring stuff really.'

'I never knew you and Samantha Nixon were so close.'

'We weren't. I think we just discovered we had more in common than we thought.'

'Like what?'

The interest he was showing seemed a little misplaced. After all, what was so unusual about a friendship? 'I don't know. We just seem to get on well, I suppose.'

He sipped his wine. 'She doesn't like me much, does she?'

That was news. 'She didn't mention anything to me.'

'That's a surprise. She threatened to warm you off me.'

'Why would she do that?'

'Perhaps she thinks you're in danger,' he answered innocently.

Sheelagh nodded, trying to retain her calm exterior. Inside, though, her mind was racing.

Suddenly, the whole dinner idea made sense. Sam had wanted to look at them as a couple, use logic to analyse. Now, why would she do that if she didn't think there was something seriously wrong?

Gabriel didn't seem a menace. Always the nice guy, that was him. He'd risked his own life to save Smithy from the fire, not to mention the fact that he'd been the perfect gentleman with her. He hadn't even made a move. Then those thoughts which she'd managed to suppress at the beginning of the relationship started creeping back into her mind. Ruby Buxton and the framing. Marie Carver saying he attacked Jim and there were several people around the station who didn't seem to like him. Smithy, for one. How could he not even be grateful that Gabriel had saved his life? Inspector Gold didn't have a lot of time for him either and Lance was definitely not a fan. Why would so many people dislike him unless he'd done something to warrant it?

Oh, it was just silly. She was getting things so much out of proportion it was unbelievable. But as she looked up she found his eyes resting on her. It was unnerving to say the least.

* * *

'Another drink?' Sam didn't wait for Phil to answer, she paused two glasses of wine, downing hers immediately.

He frowned. 'You're knocking 'em back a bit, ain't ya?'

'Not really.'

'Is Abi asleep, do you reckon?'

'Probably.'

'Good.' He stood up. 'Right, are you gonna tell me what the hell's going on?'

'Sorry?'

'First you rope me into this dinner with two pathetic PC's...'

'Hey!' Sam looked at him sharply. 'Leave Sheelagh out of this.'

'It's all about her though!' Phil answered. 'You spent half the night talking to her like we were invisible and then you disappear to the bathroom for half an hour!'

'It wasn't that long.'

'Sitting with him that's what it felt like!'

'I'm not answerable to you, Phil.'

'I thought we were getting serious!'

'You don't get serious! You use women, I'm not gonna be one of them.'

His face softened. 'When I take you out I want it to be just us, alright? I wanna look across the table and see you, not Gabriel flipping Kent.'

However unusual it was to hear Phil Hunter speak like that she couldn't just melt into his arms. For starters, it wasn't the way she behaved. Secondly, she didn't want to. She wasn't certain why but she didn't want to. 'Maybe it's best if you just go.'

'You don't mean that.' He took the glass out of her hand, placing it on the table. 'Do ya?'

Roughly, she pulled away. 'I said so, didn't I?'

'What's the matter now?'

'I told you to go!'

On his way to the door, he looked back. 'I don't know what's going on with you. But sort it out.'

* * *

'It's getting late,' Gabriel commented.

Yes, it was rather and he wasn't showing any signs of movement. The sky was finally dark outside, with the curtains open and only a little lamp-light there were shadows being cast all around. For minutes on end all Sheelagh could hear was the gentle ticking of her old mantle clock and the heavy breathing of the man sat opposite her. 'Mmm.'

'I love this time of day,' he went on. 'It's quiet. The calm before the storm.'

'The storm?'

'You know. Kicking out time at the pubs , all that fighting then go home and well...'

No, she didn't need a bigger visual. Nervously, she finished her glass of whisky (she'd moved on after the second bottle of wine) and stood to refill it. With her back to him she felt braver. 'I've got an early start in the morning, Gabriel, so...'

He stood immediately. 'I'm sorry, I didn't think.'

'That's fine.' She walked him into the hallway, just about to open the door when a hand pulled her back. 'Gabriel, what..?'

As she turned she caught the gleam in his eye, the strength in his grip. Fear registered then panic.

* * *

Sam was contemplating movement. For the last hour she'd been happily lounged on the sofa with her trusty wine bottle but it was empty. So she was stuck between getting a new one and getting some sleep.

The tapping was so slight that she didn't recognise it at first, she thought it was a side-effect of all that alcohol. But as it continued she realised it was someone at the door. Phil crawling back perhaps.

Yet as she approached the noise she felt suddenly sobered almost as if she had to be. With trepidation, she opened the door, shocked to see Sheelagh against the frame. To put it bluntly, she looked a mess.

'Sam..?'

Before she could fully comprehend the situation she found herself cradling her friend in her arms.


	11. The patches of hate

A/N: Okay. Um... well, here we are again. Apologies for the direction of this. Kind of.

* * *

Sam was watching her sleep, she knew that. The attention caused discomfort (as with Gabriel earlier in the evening) but she was loathe to move and give the game away mainly because she couldn't bear another discussion like the one they'd had already.

The details. It had almost been impossible to think never mind describe but the look on Sam's face had forced her to. The split-second decision she'd made when she'd realised she had to get out of the house had been the right one, Sam Nixon wasn't being judgmental nor professional, just utterly supportive. It was the unexpected but gratefully received reaction.

* * *

Leaning against the doorframe Sam watched her friend sleep. After a little gentle persuasion Sheelagh had agreed to take Sam's own bed and nightclothes though she still refused point blank to either report the rape or have a physical examination. Thinking it over Sam understood why, though she didn't exactly like the fact.

Sheelagh was a copper, she knew why rapes had to be reported, for starters the guilty party had to be punished. Gabriel Kent. Yet she'd quietly rebuked the idea, not on the grounds that it couldn't be proven (the forensics would see to that) but because she hadn't got the strength to deal with the station gossips as she'd had to after the Des Taviner situation. Sam hadn't wanted to press the issue, though once Sheelagh had gone to bed she'd bagged up the clothes deciding she'd work on the physical examination tomorrow.

'Mum?'

Sam turned, Abi was in her own doorway. 'Oh, hi, sweetheart.'

Seeing her glance back into the room, Abi came further forward. 'Who's that?'

'Sheelagh Murphy. PC Murphy. You know her.'

'Mum, what's going on?'

Hesitating slightly, Sam leaned over to close the door then led Abi back into her own room. 'Earlier this evening Sheelagh was raped.'

'What?'

'Now, Abi, listen to me,' she went on quickly. 'You have to keep quiet about this, there's a chance she won't report it.'

The young woman sat on the bed. 'Why wouldn't she?'

'I can't explain, I'm sorry. But she'll be here for another night at least, if that's okay.'

'Course.' Abi paused. 'Is she alright?'

'Not really,' Sam answered truthfully. 'She... knows him.'

'Do you?'

'Oh, yeah.' Glancing at the clock she registered the time- one-thirty in the morning. 'I've got to nip out.'

'What? Where too? Mum, you're not going to do anything stupid are you?'

'Abi, I play things by the book, you know that.'

'You must want to hurt him.'

'Honestly? I wanna kill him but I... All I'm going to do is go to Sheelagh's house, she needs fresh clothes.'

'Do you want me to stay up a while in case she wakes up?'

'I don't think she will but... Aren't you tired?'

Abi patted her stomach. 'She's giving me trouble.'

'It's a Nixon family trait.' Sam planted a kiss on her daughter's forehead. 'I shouldn't be long.'

'Be careful.'

She looked back from the doorway. 'I will.'

* * *

There was a patch of damp on the ceiling. Sheelagh lay looking up at it while she was straining to hear the conversation between mother and daughter in the next room. It was no good, merely a mumble that was interrupted by the passing of a car every so often. She didn't suppose it mattered though, they'd be discussing her.

It was easier not to think. Dipping her head into the soft pillow yet again she tried to lose herself in Samantha's scent. And yet again it failed to work.

Below her the front door opened and closed. Panic started to swell until a car started up then a little fear set in. Why had Sam gone out? To find Gabriel?

* * *

Having taken the keys from Sheelagh's handbag Sam was prepared for what might be behind the door. Some kind of indication about what had happened in the hallway perhapsbut the only thing that betrayed the fact that Sheelagh hadn't been alone were the two wine glasses. The copper in Sam rose again, she carefully retrieved them both putting them in a kitchen cupboard just in case Sheelagh changed her mind about reporting it later.

After choosing a selection of clothes she went back downstairs. As she looked at the wall she couldn't help but remember what Sheelagh had described earlier. It literally made her vomit into the kitchen sink.

* * *

'Abi, where's she gone?'

The young woman turned from the kettle, perhaps nervousness on her face. 'She thought you needed some fresh clothes.'

Her heart slowed, slightly anyway. 'I thought she'd...'

'She won't,' Abi assured her. 'She promised.'

'Right.'

'Cup of tea?'

Sheelagh nodded. 'I suppose she told you.'

'I'm not going to tell anyone.'

'I appreciate it.'

When they sat at the table a few minutes later Abi broached a difficult subject. 'She says you won't report it.'

'It's complicated.'

'Well, maybe,' Abi agreed. 'But what if it helps? What if he did it to someone else, could you live with that?'


	12. Seeking revenge

A/N: So we're not liking Gabriel then? Job done. Hope you don'tmind me switching back to my several chapters per day format. I prefer it like that.

* * *

Both Abigail and Sheelagh had been sound asleep when Sam had got back in the early hours of the morning. Admittedly, it was understandable considering she'd spent an age in the Murphy household, most of the time being violently sick. When she'd returned to find Sheelagh safe and asleep it had been a major relief.

Up early the next morning (she'd never quite managed the art of a lie in), Sam tidied her sofa bed and, after checking on Abi, took a steaming cup of coffee in to Sheelagh. She was just stirring. Tentatively, Sam sat next to her, all too aware of the effect any kind of human contact could have on her friend.

Thankfully, though, Sheelagh didn't flinch when she opened her eyes. 'Oh, morning.'

'Hey, how you feeling?'

'Better. Worse. I don't know.'

'Alright.' Sam put the cup on the bedside table. 'I brought you coffee.'

'Thanks.' She sat up slowly. 'Abigail said you went to my house last night.'

The memory of her sickness brought embarrassment to her face. 'Yeah. Thought I'd better.'

'Well, I appreciate it. Me turning up on your doorstep like that...'

'Doesn't need an apology,' Sam interrupted. 'I'm not going to argue with you feeling you could come to me.'

'I haven't changed my mind, you know.'

'I wasn't expecting you to.'

'Really?'

'Sheelagh, I'll respect any decision you make. As long as you're alright.'

'Thanks.'

'You sound surprised,' Sam observed.

'I wasn't expecting you to be so... understanding. I thought you'd be pushing me to report it.'

'You know what I'd prefer. But I understand why you don't feel you can.'

'I take it you bagged the clothes up.' Sheelagh looked to the floor where she'd left them.

'I'm not quite a reformed character then. No, I just thought you might change your mind somewhere along the line.'

'To be honest, I almost did last night. Abigail certainly takes after you, she's very persuasive.'

'Thanks, don't tell her that. Sheelagh, for what it's worth, I would support you completely if you reported it, I hope you know that.'

'I do. But can you imagine the gossips? They'll say it wasn't rape or that I was asking for...'

'You weren't.'

'That's not what Honey Harman would say. As for Gabriel...'

'We could take it to Barton Street...'

'Sam!' Sheelagh interrupted. 'We talked about this last night.'

'I know, I know. I can't help it.' She smiled apologetically.

'It's fine. Right, I suppose I better get ready for work.'

'No, you don't. You've got the day off and I'm not going in till later.'

'You really don't have to...'

'I want to. I'm not leaving you on your own with this.'

* * *

When Sam finally did head into the station just after lunchtime she was feeling events catching up with her. In total, she'd had about three hours sleep and those hadn't exactly been plagued with happy dreams. Her mind had flicked back countless times to a scene she hadn't witnessed but felt inexplicably part of. All she knew for certain was that Gabriel Kent had a lot to answer for.

The one thing she was worried about was seeing him, she had a feeling the urge to either arrest him or kill him on the spot might prove too much. It was lucky then that when she did see him as she walked into the front office he was surrounded by other officers. A crowd meant she kept her cool. At least until she heard what he was saying to JT, Steve Hunter and Dan Casper.

'She was a bit desperate if I'm honest. Right old slapper.'

'Who was she then?' Steve asked. 'Anyone we know?'

Glancing up, Gabriel saw her eyes on him. He knew she knew. 'No. Some bird I met down the pub.'

Leaving him to the sordid tale, Sam carried on up to CID only to find a message telling her Inspector Gold wanted to see her.

'Gina?' She knocked on the open office door. 'You wanted to see me?'

The Inspector waited until she'd shut the door and taken a seat. 'You called in Sheelagh Murphy's absence today.'

'That's right.'

'Why you?'

'She stayed on my sofa last night.'

'So this illness, it's alcohol induced?'

'No, of course not. Sheelagh's not like that.'

'What about you? Not looking your best today.'

'Gina, what do you think I am?'

Ignoring that, she asked, 'What exactly is wrong with Sheelagh?'

'It's not my place to explain.'

'You're here, she's not. You're the only one to explain.'

'I'm sorry. No.'

'Samantha!'

'She was raped, okay? Last night. She was raped.'


	13. Nemesis

A/N: And, hey, I'm back. Thanks for the reviews and the ideas of murder, they're much appreciated.

* * *

'What did you just say?'

It was too late it back. Bracing herself, more for Sheelagh's eventual reaction than Gina's immediate one, Sam sighed heavily. 'You heard.'

'Are you..?' Gina composed herself. 'What the hell happened?'

'Sheelagh doesn't want anyone to know, she's not reporting it.'

'Oh, come on, Samantha! You can't be serious.'

She shrugged. 'It's not my decision.'

'The hell it isn't. I want you to tell me everything. Now.'

'Gina...'

'Now.'

A little sidestepping about the general truth was in order since Sheelagh was probably going to kill her as it was. 'I don't know much. She turned up on my doorstep, I let her in. Simple as.'

'I'm sure you can do better than that.'

'Gina, don't you think I want her to report it?'

'You haven't done a very good job of persuading her so far now have you?'

Sam stood, kicking her foot against the chair involuntarily. 'Forget it. Stay out of it.'

'This is one of my relief!'

'When has that ever made a difference?'

* * *

Quietness was daunting. Between her own large family, Patrick and the kids, not to mention the rowdy station lot she'd never noticed it before. In the living room of the Nixon household she could almost feel the silence swallowing her whole. It wasn't a pretty thought.

All day she'd been alone, too much time to think. Occasionally she wished she'd contested Sam's decision for her to take the day off work but then Gabriel would pop into her mind and, well... Nausea was the polite term for how she felt at that.

For the third time in as many hours the doorbell rang. The first time it had been a little boy selling raffle tickets, the second a Jehovah's Witness. This time Sheelagh was expecting someone selling double-glazing at the very least. It was amazing the number of people who thought Samantha Nixon's home looked like an inviting one.

Opening the door though she was shocked to see not a salesman but her new nemesis. Trying to slam it straight back in his face, she found a foot in the way. 'What do you want, Gabriel?'

'You.' As she flinched, he added, 'To talk.'

'We haven't got anything to discuss.'

'Why weren't you at work today? Why are you here?'

Again she tried to close the door but he blocked it. 'Move.'

'Not until you tell me what's going on.'

She stopped trying to force the wood. 'You know perfectly well.'

'Look, if it's about last night... If you regret it, that's fine. I understand. I'd just like to be told.'

'What? Gabriel, you...' Glancing along the street, she lowered her voice. 'You know as well as me what happened last night.'

'I should hope I do, I was there.'

* * *

It was unbelievable. As Sam pulled her car into her regular space she glanced left towards the house seeing Gabriel commanding her doorway. It took her less than a minute to make her presence know by stomping up the path. 'What the hell are you doing here?'

He didn't even have the decency to look surprised or worried. 'I wanted to see Sheelagh, Sarge.'

Glancing past him, Sam checked her friend was alright. Physically, yes, but she seemed shaken. 'You're not welcome here.'

'Look, I don't know what she's said but she's lying. Honestly.'

Any further calls of innocence were stopped by her slap. 'I want you off my property.'

Gabriel touched his cheek. 'That's assault. I could have you.'

Sam stared him out. 'Likewise.'

'Now why don't I believe that?'

As she felt a surge of anger she saw Sheelagh shake her head slightly. For once loyalty overrode hate. 'I won't ask you again.'

'That's funny. That's what she was saying last night.'

That tipped her over the edge. Lifting her knee and wiping the smug smirk off his face was one of the only things to make that day bearable. 'Get the picture now, Gabriel?'

It took him a minute to regain his composure, even then he looked defiant. 'She was practically begging me.'

Taking another lunge towards him, Sam found herself halted by Sheelagh's arms then heard a whisper in her ear. 'Please, don't.'

Immediately she stopped, grasping Sheelagh's hand tightly before watching Gabriel. 'Get out of here.'

'Going soft, Samantha?'

'Oi!'

Looking down the path, Sam saw Gina Gold, arms crossed. They locked eyes and suddenly Gina accepted the truth, her gaze moving to Gabriel who, for the first time, appeared worried.

Sheelagh seemed unsure what was going on. 'Ma'am, what are you doing here?'

The Inspector stared straight at PC Kent. 'Gabriel, hop it. Now.'

Nervously, Sam glanced at Sheelagh. 'I'm so sorry.'


	14. Inner acceptance

A/N: I will get back to the Phil/Sam strand in a little while but this feels a bit more important. Due warning, I'm going away on Saturday. I'll try to update before I go but then nothing for a week sorry. Not just trying to be evil, honestly. Maybe I can still surprise you all, hmm?

* * *

Despite the sharp realisation that Inspector Gold knew everything Sheelagh wasn't willing to let go of Sam's hand as the trio sat in the living room. Luckily, Sam didn't seem to mind keeping her close.

'Right.' Gina sat forward in the chair. 'You didn't tell me everything.'

'I shouldn't have said anything,' Sam replied.

'Sam, it's fine,' Sheelagh said quietly. To Gina, she added, 'I didn't want to report it, for obvious reasons.'

'Him being what he is makes it worse,' Gina answered.

'I'm being selfish, I admit it. But, with respect, this affects me. No one else.' After saying that she felt Sam's grip tighten, maybe it wasn't entirely true considering she'd descended on her doorstep. It did affect her to a certain extent then.

Gina sighed. 'And he does it to someone else, what then?'

'Don't you think I know this?'

'Then you know you've got a duty to the public. And yourself, for that matter.'

Sheelagh swallowed with difficulty. 'If I did have the physical examination...'

'No obligation to follow through on the report, you know that,' Gina concluded for her.

'You don't have to do this,' Sam spoke up.

'She's right though.' Sheelagh looked at her friend. 'So were you. And Abi.'

'Abi?'

'I told you she was too like you.'

Sam nodded hesitantly. 'I'm not pressing you here.'

'I know. Thank you.'

* * *

The walls of these places were so sterile, littered with warning posters that had you worrying about diseases you'd never contemplated before you walked in the door. It was so different when you weren't there in an official capacity. Sam was just realising that.

Beside her on the hard bench Gina cracked a pack of mints. 'Want one?'

'Thanks.' As she crunched Sam felt the overwhelming urge to... well, apologise. 'I'm sorry about earlier.'

The Inspector shook her head. 'I understand a bit better now.'

'No. What I said about you not giving a damn about the relief, I was wrong. I'm sorry.'

'Honestly, it's fine.' Gina paused. 'How are you bearing up?'

'Me?'

'You care about Sheelagh, I know that much.'

Leaning against the wall, Sam shrugged. 'I'm just getting through it. I want to kill him though.'

'Join the queue.'

'I mean, why Sheelagh? You couldn't meet anyone more...'

'Isn't this supposed to be your area of expertise, profiling?'

'I'm too close.'

'So I've noticed.'

Sam glanced sideways. 'What's that supposed to mean?'

'Nothing,' Gina said unconvincingly. 'I've just noticed you're quick to help these days.'

'You say that like there's something wrong with it.'

'Do I?'

The door beside them opening saved any further probing. As Sheelagh appeared Sam stood ready to accept the woman into her arms. Until they broke apart a minute later nothing was said.

'How'd it go?' Sam asked anxiously.

'Fine. Okay.' Sheelagh glanced to Gina. You didn't have to wait.'

'Yes, I did. Anyway, I'm your ride home.'

'My place,' Sam clarified as she supported Sheelagh down the corridor.

* * *

'Thanks.' Sheelagh gratefully took the glass offered to her. It had been another difficult day but stretched out with Samantha on her sofa she was feeling better about things. In fact, she was able to, not forget, but distance herself for a little while. 'Did you see Phil today?'

'No. I'm not keen to either.'

'Oh, why? Live up to his reputation did he?'

'Something like that.'

Why did Sheelagh get the feeling the truth was being economically told? 'It wasn't anything to do with me was it?'

Sam's head snapped towards her. 'What do you mean?'

'Just that Phil didn't seem too happy about me being there last night.'

'I hoped you hadn't picked up on that.'

Sheelagh smiled. 'I think the waiters picked up on it.'

'Oh, well. Doesn't matter, I suppose.'

'He's not the one then?' Sheelagh referred back to their washroom conversation.

'I think I knew that one already.' Sam reached down for the bottle to top up both their glasses. 'He was never what I wanted.'

'And what's that?'

'Well, someone I love, for starters.'

'Mmm, likewise.' Sheelagh clinked their glasses. 'Cheers.'

* * *

Checking on Abigail repeatedly through the dark hours was practically a nightly pursuit. She considered it understandable given her almost constant worries about her daughter but with the current sleeping arrangements Sam was finding the treks upstairs that little bit irritating.

Stopping outside her own door she listened for a moment. Hearing consistent breathing, she hesitantly entered, relieved to find Sheelagh sound asleep. Explaining the reasons behind why she'd felt she had to enter could be tricky.

In truth, she was fully aware of the reasons though she was having a little difficulty accepting them.

Everything had started when Sheelagh had turned up in bits the previous evening though she supposed the puzzle pieces had been falling into place long before that. The mix of emotions she'd felt at Sheelagh's tale were irrational- anger, guilt, sympathy, pure hatred, self hatred- though she hadn't recognised them at the time. A friend would be angry, maybe even feel guilt but to thoroughly despise herself for the feeling that she could've prevented it? No, that didn't seem normal.

Well, it wasn't was it? The rage fluttering around inside of her when she'd seen Gabriel at the front door was almost inhuman. It wasn't accepted behaviour.

Yet nothing had seemed out of the ordinary until her conversation with Gina at the refuge. It was as though she knew an open secret. It turned out she did.

Placing her own hand millimetres away from Sheelagh's on the pillow Sam felt the warmth of the woman infiltrating her. Despite that, she resisted the urge to touch knowing it wouldn't be right. How could any of it be right?

Here she was, a level-headed detective sergeant desperate to lean down a few inches and kiss one of her female colleagues. Scratch that; a female friend. Yet the reservations didn't seem to matter.

When she looked at Sheelagh she remembered cradling her the previous night. Smoothing down her hair, trying to stem the tears, whispering apologies deep into her ear. What did it matter if she was a woman? They were already closer than she'd allowed herself to be with any man in her entire life and they hadn't even made the effort? That had to mean something surely?


	15. Terry's advice

A/N: I promised, didn't I? Not often I keep 'em so you're lucky. Hopefully, I won't kill the family while we're away and see you in a week!

* * *

Sheelagh slept soundly which was a little surprising to her but she supposed the events of the last few days were finally taking their toll on her body. The abundance of wine she'd shared with Sam might have had something to do with it too.

Wrapping Sam's old dressing gown around her she made her way downstairs stopping in the kitchen doorway as she caught sight of her host brooding over a cup of coffee at the table. 'Morning.'

She looked up. 'Hi. Sleep well.'

'Perfectly.' Sheelagh took a seat opposite her. 'Surprisingly.'

'You needed the rest.'

'Mmm, I suppose.'

'How are you feeling?' Sam asked, breaking the eye contact.

'Better. Like I could face the world again.'

'Well, you don't have to today. Gina authorised the leave for a reason.'

'And I appreciate it. But I prefer to be busy, what am I going to do all day?'

'If you're really at a loose end the house could do with a going over.'

'If I get that bored I'll let you know.'

Downing her coffee, Sam stood, stopping short as she approached the door. 'You are alright?'

'Of course.' Sheelagh rested a hand on her arm. 'Are you?'

Sam appeared to be struggling. 'Why wouldn't I be?'

'I don't know, you seem tense. If my being here...'

'No,' she interrupted, pulling her arm away. 'Honestly. It's fine.'

* * *

'Sam, I've been looking for you.'

Having managed to avoid him all morning Sam felt like cursing as she looked up from her desk. 'Well, I've been here.'

'No, you ain't.' He pulled a chair close to the desk. 'You staying out my way are ya?'

'Phil, I'm working.'

Pulling the pen out of her hand, he smashed it down on the desk. 'Will you listen to me?'

'I don't want to talk. Not here.'

'Well, where else when you're not answering my calls? Sam, I'm not letting you go.'

'I'm not a pet dog, Phil.'

'Why you being like this?'

'Can we talk about this later?' Sam glanced desperately around CID, they were attracting stares.

'No! Listen, Sam, I'm in love with ya.'

Scraping back her chair, she escaped the office, all too aware of the eyes chasing her right out. Seeking sanctuary in the toilets she was astounded when DC Perkins followed her in. 'Terry!'

'Yeah, Sarge, I know.' Crossing his arms, he leaned against the wall. 'It was me or Phil.'

'I don't need a bodyguard.'

'No, but he might when you're done with him. That was a right soap opera you two were putting on in there.'

She looked sideways. 'How much did you hear?'

Terry shrugged. 'Enough. You don't love him then?'

'I don't even like him half the time.'

'Me neither. But that was a bit of an overreaction for you, wasn't it?'

Sam busied herself with pointlessly scrubbing her hands. 'Everyone's allowed their off days.'

'Didn't think you let yourself have 'em.'

'I'm not superwoman, Terry.'

'No,' he agreed. 'But you like to think you are.'

'I appreciate the concern but...'

'Sam, you can't keep it all bottled up inside. You'll explode or something.'

'Alright, Terry. Thanks. Now, can you...' She nodded to the door.

'Yeah, sure. Remember what I said, okay?'

* * *

As she walked through the door Sam expected to have to dodge the wrapped duvet she'd dumped right next to it then play hopscotch over Abi 'essential' shoe collection but no. In fact, there wasn't a thing in the hallway.

Proceeding to the living room she found Sheelagh dusting off the picture frames. 'I wasn't serious this morning, you know.'

Sheelagh shrugged, finishing them off then walking to the doorway. 'Let's just say I got that bored.'

'Well, I'm not about to argue. Sit down, I'll stick the kettle on.'

'No, no.' Sheelagh began to move past. 'I've got it.'

'Sheelagh.' Sam grabbed both her arms. 'Slow down.'

'I can't.'

That felt like a twisting knife. 'Alright. Well, wait on me hand and foot. Promise I won't complain.'

'That's very big of you.'

'Isn't it though?' Sam looked down, realising she was still gripping Sheelagh's arms. Everything Terry had said about exploding suddenly came into place. Too aware of the closeness she let go.

Sheelagh hadn't seemed to notice anything, she just went into the kitchen. 'Anything to report?'

After taking a moment, Sam followed. 'No, the usual. Paperwork, declarations of love.'

'What?' Sheelagh turned back. 'Phil, I take it?'

'Mmm, unless those looks I've been getting from Gary mean something.'

'Let's hope not. You stand by what you said yesterday then?'

'I can safely say I don't have feelings for Phil Hunter in any way, shape or form.'

'Good. I can cancel the straightjacket.' Then the PC turned serious. 'Are you alright?'

'Don't worry about me.'

'Why not? Because you don't worry about anyone apart from yourself? Sorry, that ship's sailed.'

'Well, you know, that's good. Can't be a moody cow all my life can I?'

'It never stopped you before.'

Sam shrugged. 'Things change.'

'Dare I ask what?'

'I don't know. I changed,' she replied truthfully.

'And is that a good thing?' Sheelagh asked turning back to the kettle as it clicked off.

Watching the woman in front of her filled Sam with a warmth she hadn't experienced for quite a while. 'I think so.'

As the doorbell rang Sam made for it but Sheelagh was much quicker off the mark. 'I've got it.'

Sam let her past, deciding it was best for Sheelagh to do what was best for her however concerned she was about it. Instead, she finished making the tea, placing the mugs on the table as Sheelagh reentered... with Phil.


	16. Philip

A/N: I apologise profusely, okay? Lost notebook, didn't lose my notebook. Was an idiot, had too much to drink last week but, hey, I'm back. And I'll update again as soon as I can.

* * *

The positive aspect? Seeing the pair of them next to each other convinced her, if she needed it, who she was falling for. Phil was all she didn't want- a liar, cheat, insensitive pillock. Whereas Sheelagh was... well, Sheelagh. Nothing artificial, a straightforward caring woman whose only major fault seemed to be her blindness within relationships. And that was probably down to something in her past. There was no doubt in Sam's mind that, between the pair of them, she had feelings for the Irish PC.

The negatives of the situation soon started to overwhelm that realisation. Phil was looking at her expectantly with his arms crossed, Sheelagh just appeared to believe she was in the way. If only she knew!

Sam cleared her throat. 'Phil, what are you doing here?'

He snorted. 'You can't run out on me like that and expect me not to do anything about it!'

'I'll just...' Sheelagh diplomatically moved towards the door.

'You don't have to,' Sam told her then saw the discomfort on her face. 'Okay, thanks.'

After watching the door close Phil looked back. 'What's she doing here?'

'That's my business.'

'Oh, Sam, come on! It was an innocent question.'

'It's a private matter.'

'I ain't getting any closer, am I? What makes her so special, eh?'

* * *

The walls were pitifully thin. Despite the knowledge that she shouldn't be listening she couldn't avoid it and hearing them arguing about her didn't exactly put her at ease. Yet short of getting out of the house, which she really wasn't keen on doing, there was nothing she could do.

'Leave it, Phil,' Sam was saying quietly.

'Why? What are you telling her that you're not telling me?'

'You're like a little kid. Not getting your own way so you start the screaming.'

'And you dodge the subject. Every time!'

'Don't come in my house and lecture me!'

'What, you want me to do it at work when you can run off into the loos?'

'Not here,' Sam answered. 'This is my home.'

'See you invited her in without question.'

'Do you know what you sound like?'

'Sam, when someone tell you he loves you it's good manner not to walk out.'

'You put me in a difficult situation today.'

'Well, sorry for thinking it was the right thing to say!'

'That was never the right thing to say! You wait, Phil, preferably till the other person feels the same.'

'I thought you did!'

'I'm sorry but... Listen, I'm sorry.'

There was a long pause during which Sheelagh reluctantly strained her ears, to no avail.

Finally, Phil spoke. 'There's someone else, ain't there?'

'No.'

'Yeah, there is!'

'I don't know! I'm sorry, alright?'

'Does Sheelagh know who it is? Am I the only one in the dark here?'

'Everyone's in the dark, Phil. Including me.'

It was impossible to hear his reaction. The front door slammed violently as Sam appeared in the doorway. Immediately, Sheelagh put an arm around her shoulders, guiding her to the sofa. 'Are you okay?'

'Oh, I'm fine?'

'Really?'

She shrugged. 'It had to be done.'

'That doesn't make it any easier.'

'Honestly, Sheelagh. Everything's fine.'

As she was about to protest, her phone vibrated on the table cueing a wave of nausea which, of course, Sam noticed.

'Hey, what is it?'

'That's Gabriel.'

Sam picked up the phone, evidently reading the flashing display. 'How many times has he called?'

'Not many.'

'How many times?'

She sighed. 'Twenty or so. I haven't talked to him or anything.'

'Good. Why don't you switch it off?'

'What if Connor rings? If he can't reach me at home or on the mobile he'll start to worry.'

Sam leaned back against her arm. 'Gabriel's panicking, you know. He knows Gina would press you to report it.'

'He knows you would.'

'I'm not am I? I'm trying not to pressure you.'

'The stupid thing is, you're right. All of you. Gabriel's a rapist, he deserves punishment.'

'What are you saying?' Sam sat forward again. 'Do you want to report it?'

'I don't know,' she answered honestly. 'I should but...'

'Sheelagh, if you did, I'd be with you every step of the way.'

'You might have mentioned that already.'

'Now you know I mean it.'

'Let me think about it. I've just been avoiding the whole thing, perhaps if I gave it some serious thought.'

That prospect didn't appear to enthral Sam. 'That's probably not a good idea.'

'Stop worrying about me, Sam.'

'Likewise.'

Sheelagh smiled. 'I suppose I'll just have to learn to live with it.'


	17. Overstepping the mark

A/N: Well, you know me, guys. I'm a bit of a tease. And I can't help feeling this chap might infuriate a few of you. Oh, well, all feedback welcome as usual.

By the following Tuesday the duo had fallen into a seemingly comfortable pattern. Though Sheelagh hadn't stepped foot out of the house (something which was starting to concern Sam) she appeared happy and normal, doing more than her fair share of cooking, cleaning and just generally being sociable. It was making such a difference to the house. Despite the improved mother-daughter relationship since Hugh Wallis Sam and Abi had still been giving each other a wide berth yet Sheelagh seemed to bridge the gap. And that wasn't the only effect she was having.

Sam was finding the experience of living with her both liberating and highly oppressive. On the one hand, she actually looked forward to coming home, something which she hadn't felt in a long time, if ever. Sheelagh lit the house up, it was like having a powerful flashlight, only better. On the other hand, being in close proximity to her fellow officer every day was doing nothing for her burgeoning feelings towards her.

Every time she looked at her Sam found herself overwhelmed, partly with love but also the need to protect Sheelagh from everything, Gabriel especially. Then there was the strength of the feelings overwhelming her. Having not felt like that in a long while she was having trouble accepting it. Cue many embarrassments at work when she found herself lost in thoughts. Phil seemed concerned about it all but thankfully he was keeping his nose out. The last thing she wanted was to have to fend off more advances from him.

Sheelagh hadn't noticed anything though. To be fair, she had been a bit preoccupied. Every so often Sam would see her eyes mist over and she'd know, instinctively, that Sheelagh was revisiting that night and what Gabriel had done to her. At those times she felt the almost irresistible urge to just hold her friend but she also knew where that was likely to lead and Sheelagh didn't need that kind of complication. Not to mention the fact that Sam didn't want to face the rejection she surely would if she were to let herself go.

When she got home that Tuesday evening she mentally prepared herself for the wave of emotion she knew would hit her the moment she saw Sheelagh. Instead, she found herself greeted by a beautiful aroma when she entered the kitchen and double the emotion she'd expected. With her back to the doorway the Irish copper looked fantastic, dressed in some of Sam's own clothes; annoyingly, a short skirt that revealed the best of her legs. It was all Sam could accomplish to force her attention back up towards the blonde head. 'Hi.'

Sheelagh turned, wooden spoon in hand. 'Oh, hello.'

'What are you doing? You don't have to cook.'

'I want to. Besides, you said you weren't going to argue.'

'Well, then, I'd best not.' Sam put her bag by the door. 'What can I do?'

'Sit down,' Sheelagh instructed, turning back to her work. 'You do like spaghetti?'

'Of course. It smells delicious.' Sam fought the impulse to approach the figure, promptly lost and slowly crossed the kitchen. 'You really didn't have to do this.'

'I know.' Sheelagh stirred the sauce then turned with the spoon. 'Taste.'

Her heart somersaulted as she found herself leaning towards Sheelagh, aware of the scent of perfume mixing with the sauce. Trying to control her breathing, she flicked her tongue over the wood, cringing slightly at the sudden heat. 'That's gorgeous.'

'You're sure?'

'Oh, believe me, you could bribe witnesses with that.'

'I'm only trying to get you eating out of the palm of my hand.'

'You've succeeded.'

'Aren't you going to ask what I want?' Sheelagh questioned pouring the sauce into a bowl.

Sam shrugged, pulling a few plates from the cupboard. 'Is Abigail eating with us?'

'She said she getting a takeaway with a friend. Sam?'

'Did she say which friend?'

'Not that I recall. Sam, don't you want to ask me?'

Turning her back, she started laying the table. 'Not really.'

A moment later there was a hand on her shoulder. 'Sam...'

Sighing, she looked back. 'I know.'

'Then I thought you'd be happy.'

'Let's not talk about this tonight. I don't want anything to ruin this meal.'

'Tomorrow then,' Sheelagh replied, her fingers brushing the back of Sam's neck as she moved away. It was wishful thinking to imagine it could anything except inadvertently.

As predicted, the meal was beautiful, with Sheelagh cooking how could it be anything else? The conversation was a bit sparse, there was too much being left up in the air, from Sam's point of view anyway. After a little gentle persuasion Sheelagh had agreed to leave the washing-up for a little while so the pair found themselves silent on the sofa. It was fortunate Sam had just the remedy for such a situation. Alcohol. It always worked.

Too true, Sheelagh started to loosen up after her first glass. 'Any station gossip I should know about before I go back?'

'I think I've told you everything. Oh, apart from Gary blowing up today, calling Suzie Sim a bully.'

'And is she?'

'How would I know?'

'Oh, you're too senior to be bullied, is that it?'

'As a matter of fact, yes.'

'Plus people are scared of you. That helps.'

Sam laughed. 'Of me? Who?'

'Most of uniform. I was for a time.'

'No, you weren't.'

'Honestly,' Sheelagh answered. 'You were the big bad wolf of CID.'

'I didn't know I was that bad.'

'Your reputation preceded you, as they say.'

'I can't believe I never knew.' She glanced sideways. 'Am I still like that?'

'You're a pussycat really. You just have vicious claws when you need them.'

While she was working out whether that was a good thing, Sam refilled their glasses. 'I had to change.'

'Because of what happened with Abigail?' Sheelagh asked sympathetically.

'Mmm, among other things.'

'Such as what?'

It was best to make a joke really, wasn't it? 'Well, I attracted Phil Hunter, I must have been doing something wrong.'

'Can't argue with that,' Sheelagh smiled, clinking their glasses.

As she did so Sam found her grip on the sofa arm slipping, accidentally, of course. The movement brought her irresistibly close to her colleague. For a second she held something of an inner debate until she looked into Sheelagh's eyes and saw a questioning. A wondering. Throwing caution to the wind she leaned closer, touching the lips ever so slightly, just enough to make her intentions evident.

To her dismay Sheelagh jumped up as if she'd been bitten, sending red wine flying over the beige sofa.

Sam was instantly repentant. 'God, I'm sorry.'

Sheelagh didn't say a word, just shook her head and made for the door.

'Sheelagh! Sheelagh, please!'

Hearing the front door slam Sam fell back onto the sofa, sending her own wine glass crashing to the floor.


	18. Emotionally incompetent

A/N: Knew that wouldn't go down too well. Don't suppose it matters though... Oh, can I recommend a story? I will anyway. Try 'Thunder and Lightning' by Solostarr. Okay? Good.

* * *

She wasn't actually sure where she was going until she reached her own front door. Then she found her breathing quickened as she recalled the last thing that had happened in that house. For a second she contemplated turning right around but then she glanced up the street, saw a few people and realised it was the first time she'd been outside in days. That was all the pushing she needed, opening the door she entered the darkened hallway.

Almost instantly she was faced with a flood of bad memories. In her mind she could see the omniscient view- Gabriel pushing her against the wall, ripping her dress as he... Forcing that image out of her head she locked the door behind her, climbing the stairs and collapsing in a heap on the bed.

* * *

CID was so oppressive at times. Whenever Sam looked up she found ten pairs of eyes on her, at first she thought she might have forgotten to get dressed or something but after double-checking she settled on the argument that, if she was feeling awful on the inside, then it would inevitably show on the outside. So she was trying to rise above the attention even though she was having trouble mustering the energy. 

Having got a blockage while typing up her reports form the previous day and too aware that her thoughts were anywhere but on her work, she went downstairs, intent on finding the one other person who had seemed to recognise her feelings. As she approached Gina's office though she went head-first into Sheelagh coming out of it. 'Oh, sorry.'

'It's fine.' The voice was impersonal, not what she'd grown accustomed to from PC Murphy.

'Are you alright?' As if she needed to ask, the tiredness on her face said all there was to say.

'I needed to speak to you actually.'

'Really?' Her voice was too hopeful, she knew that as soon as Sheelagh flinched. 'What about?'

'I just need to know if you'll supply a witness statement for what... For last week.'

A witness statement? 'You don't have to ask that. You know I will.'

'I appreciate it.' Sheelagh started to walk away.

'Wait a second,' Sam reached for her arm, slightly encouraged when she wasn't hit. 'I'm sorry about yesterday. I don't know what I was thinking.'

'Lie about everything, Sam. But not about that.' Shaking off the hand, Sheelagh disappeared round the corner.

Sighing, Sam continued into the office, recognising concern on Gina's face. She knew what it was about, just not the details of the current situation. 'What's the latest?'

'Apart from Sheelagh flinching every time I mentioned your name?'

'Apart from that.'

Gina shrugged. 'She's reporting the rape, I'm going with her to Barton Street.'

That stung. 'She asked you to?'

'I didn't think she should be alone. Is it a problem?'

'No, no, you're right. Just... take care of her.'

'Sam, has something happened I need to know about?'

Contemplating brushing away the question, she found herself looking up. 'I kissed her.'

Gina didn't appear half as surprised as she'd expected. 'That explains a lot then.'

'What do you mean?'

'Sam, you must know she's terrified.'

'What, of me?'

'Oh, come on! Look at her past. Des Taviner, her daughter dying, now Gabriel. She's hardly happy go lucky anymore is she?'

'She's got nothing to be scared of with me, Gina.'

'Well, I know that and deep down so does she. But he's scared her, she's been kicked in the teeth once too often.'

'So what am I supposed to do? I've tried apologising.'

'And you know why that won't work?' Gina waited for the headshake. 'Because she feels something for you too but she's so messed up right now she can't accept it.'

Sam herself was slightly confused. 'How do you know this? Did she say something?'

'It's what she didn't say. I know Sheelagh, she wouldn't be so angry with you if she wasn't getting stuck on this. Hearing your name hurts her like hell right now.'

'I promised myself I wouldn't push her. I was going to stay back, be supportive.'

'It's easier said than done. The best intentions go out the window when your feelings get involved. That's your trouble, you've blocked it all out for so long you can't cope with it.'

'I'm not emotionally incompetent, Gina.'

'You've done a pretty good imitation over the years.'

About the protest, she considered the idea. All that time when she was pushing Abi away, scared of what would happen when she finally found out the truth about her parentage, how much time had she wasted? 'I don't want to be like that anymore.'

The Inspector smiled. 'You're not. If you were you wouldn't have admitted how you feel about Sheelagh, you'd have done a bunk.'

'Don't think I didn't consider it.'

'You're too strong for that.'

'Gina, you will make sure she's alright, won't you?'

'Course I will. But Sheelagh's tough, she doesn't need me.'

'I'd like to think she needs me.'

'Maybe she does. She's just not aware of it yet.'


	19. The support

A/N: Thought I'd be nice and put this up as soon as possible. Yup, I love painting Gina as the little helper in my stories, she's one of the only decent coppers in Sun Hill who isn't a murderer/rapist/madman/complete pillock.

* * *

It was inevitable she was having doubts. At least that's what Sheelagh was telling herself every time a wave of nausea hit and she was positive she couldn't go through with it. She'd dealt with enough rape victims to know this was a standard reaction, even if the culprit being a copper wasn't standard.

Yet Sheelagh wasn't naive enough to believe all her nausea was caused by worries over Gabriel. Samantha Nixon was also a contributing factor.

The kiss of the previous night had been completely unexpected and, she was trying to tell herself, completely unwanted. But looking back over what Sam had said and done recently it had clearly been heading that way. Something she might have realised had she not been otherwise occupied courtesy of Gabriel. The way the detective had invited her into her home, no questions asked; her insane protective streak with Gabriel. It was so obvious. The memory of kissing Samantha Nixon made her physically shudder. Then again, that much was true of any memories at that moment...

* * *

Gina had been right. Despite Sam's obvious awareness of what a rape could do to a woman around men she'd pretty much ignored the idea that Sheelagh would be wary of any closeness, be it with a man or woman. Of course, being thought of in a sexual manner would scare the hell out of her as would having an emotional connection with anyone. The more Sam thought about it the more convinced she was that Gina had got it spot on- the reason Sheelagh was pulling back was because they had that emotional connection. It didn't exactly delight Sam that she was the cause of more pain and confusion for the woman she was falling in love with.

* * *

'I'm not sure I can go through with this,' Sheelagh announced when she entered the Inspector's office at three o'clock. 'I'm sorry.'

'Wait, wait.' Gina's voice forced her to turn back from the door. 'What's brought this on?'

'I don't know why I thought I was that strong.'

'No, that's not an excuse, Sheelagh. You're one of the strongest people I know.'

'Alright,' she relented, taking a seat. 'I've had support up till now. It made the difference.'

'You mean Samantha?'

'Now that I can't rely on her I'm not sure if I can do it.'

'Despite what's happened I'm sure you can rely on her, you know.'

Sheelagh looked up quickly. 'Does she tell you everything?'

'Only what I can force her to,' Gina quipped then turned serious again. 'She just wants to help.'

'I know exactly what she wants.'

'No, you don't. You haven't talked to her about it. Samantha wants justice, she'd like to be there for you.'

Sheelagh bit her lip. 'You really think so?'

'Look,' Gina said, picking up her phone. 'I'll call her. She'll come with us if you want.'

'Okay. That sounds fine.'

* * *

It had to be a good thing, didn't it? Gina had sounded confident enough that Sheelagh had asked for her to be there, at least it meant she was practically over the kiss. And, after all, the only thing Sam wanted was to be her pillar of strength, anything else was unlikely and part of her imagination.

Gina and Sheelagh were waiting with a taxi when she reached the front entrance. Despite her best efforts she couldn't quite decipher the expression on Sheelagh's face though her stance did show nervousness. Of course, that was probably because of the crime she was about to report. Seeing her approach, Gina hopped in the front passenger seat. Sheelagh lingered slightly, waiting until Sam reached the car.

Unsure of what to say she waited for her Irish colleague to speak. 'Thanks for agreeing to this.'

'I just want to help,' she replied. 'You know that.'

'You're only here because I need you here, not because I want you with me.'

That was a bit of a contradiction, wasn't it? Still, it was one she was willing to accept. 'I can live with that.'

The pair got in the back seat, Sam being careful not to touch Sheelagh in any way. That was all academic though- when the taxi started moving Sheelagh reached across for her hand and Sam was only too happy to clutch it tightly.

* * *

'That was awful.' Sheelagh leaned against the wall as she and Sam came out of the interview room. Gina was waiting on a nearby seat and, again, Sheelagh inwardly thanked the Inspector for forcing her hand on the Samantha issue.

'I know,' Sam answered. 'But you handled it brilliantly.'

'You're lying. But thanks.'

'You alright?' Gina asked, standing up.

'Yeah, fine.'

Sam wasn't convinced, Sheelagh knew that as the detective said, 'How about a stiff drink?'

'That's a great idea,' Gina said. 'I know a quiet place.'

Waiting until the Inspector moved further ahead, Sheelagh looked to Sam. 'It's good news isn't it?'

'Of course it is. He'll get what he deserves. Legally, anyway.'

'Well, thanks for your support.'

'Sheelagh, I just wanted to...'

'You don't have to,' she interrupted. 'It's in the past. I just want to get through this and get on with my life.'


	20. My brave face

A/N: Little more for you. And I've added my new blog address to my profile page, worth checking out if you want to know what stories are going up where.

* * *

Sam wasn't sure what to make of how Sheelagh was acting. Since their arrival in the quiet bar an hour earlier she'd maintained the closeness though kept her eyes firmly on Gina across the table. It was understandable, in part anyway. From a snatched conversation Sam had managed with Gina at the bar it seemed Sheelagh couldn't go through with the allegation without her. It was odd to think that, while she couldn't look her in the eye, she needed her. In a way it confirmed what Gina had said about her needing her but not wanting to accept the reasons why.

Once Gina excused herself to make a phone call Sam decided to test the waters. 'What's the difference between needing and wanting someone?'

'Sam.'

'Seriously, I'm interested.'

Finally, Sheelagh looked at her. 'Can't you just leave it?'

'I just want you to accept my apology.'

'I have.'

'If that is the case,' Sam said slowly. 'Why don't you come back with me for a little bit?'

'That's not a good idea.'

'Why not?'

'Leave it, will you, Samantha?'

Seeing the discomfort she decided it was probably a good idea. 'Do you want another drink?'

'No, I'm...' Sheelagh stopped as Gina reappeared, worry etched on her face. 'What is it?'

'Erm, Barton Street officers went to Sun Hill but Gabriel wasn't there. He's gone off radar. DS Bowman thinks someone might have tipped him off about the allegation.'

Sheelagh visibly stiffened. 'What?'

Gina sat down. 'That's not the worst of it. Thanks to Barton Street CID storming in and choosing JT to interrogate...'

'It's all over the nick,' Sam finished. 'How much of it exactly?'

'They know he's been accused of rape and they know it's another officer.'

'So basically everything?' Sheelagh stood up. 'I have to get out of here.'

'No, no.' Sam made sure she stopped her leaving. 'Wait. It'll be okay.'

'How? He'll try to change my mind!'

'Then that'll just prove his guilt won't it?'

Sheelagh snorted. 'It's easy to say that.'

'Easy?' Sam also stood. 'You think it's easy, me seeing you like this?'

After a moment of silence Gina joined the pair on their feet. 'Let's take this somewhere else.'

'I'm going home,' Sheelagh said.

'That's not a good idea,' Gina answered. 'It's the first place he'll look.'

'I'll book into a hotel then. That's allowed isn't it?'

'Ideally, you'd be with someone.'

'I will be. Five hundred other guests.'

Gina smiled slightly. 'That's not what I meant.'

Sheelagh ignored the reply. 'I'll need to pick up some clothes.'

Seeing she was practically invisible, Sam picked up her bag. 'I've got errands to run. Call if you need me.'

* * *

The brave face was starting to wear off when Sheelagh found herself alone in her dingy hotel room late that evening. Gina had called a few times- there was no news on Gabriel and, for once, no news was bad news. The feeling that he could be lurking anywhere didn't frighten her as such, it made her worry about all the innocent women out there who could be bearing the brunt of his vicious temper. At the back of her mind was the thought that she could've prevented the situation if only she'd reported it earlier. If anything happened to anyone she'd be to blame.

Then another voice, strangely like Samantha's, rubbished that idea. It was Gabriel to blame for everything. That had to be remembered.

* * *

Despite her best efforts to be quiet, as she came through the door Sam managed to drop her bag on the floor spilling out all her bits and pieces. As she started to pick it all up a light came on upstairs and Abi appeared. 'Do you have any idea what time it is?'

'Sorry. I had things to do.'

'At one o'clock in the morning?'

Checking her watch as she straightened up she realised it was later than she'd thought. 'I lost track of time.'

Her daughter came down the stairs. 'Where were you?'

'It doesn't matter.'

'This is to do with Sheelagh, isn't it?'

'What makes you think that?' Sam took off into the kitchen pouring herself a glass of water after ruling out the whisky bottle she had stashed under the sink

'You've been off since she disappeared yesterday. What's going on?'

'It's nothing.'

'Mum, I'm not a child anymore! I'm a friend of Sheelagh's, I deserve to know if she's okay.'

Briefly, Sam's mind flicked back to something PC Murphy herself had said about Abi's talkative and persuasive nature. 'Alright, Abigail. Sit.'

Doing as she was told, the younger Nixon looked forward expectantly. 'Did she change her mind about reporting the rape?'

'Yeah. She did it this afternoon.'

'What's the problem then?'

'I didn't tell you the whole story before,' Sam admitted. 'The rapist... He was a colleague of Sheelagh's, of mine. After we reported it at another station the allegation was leaked and he's done a runner.'

'What? Well, why isn't she here with us? She can't be on her own!'

'She's in a hotel, she's okay.'

'I didn't mind her being here, you know. It wasn't...'

'No, no,' Sam interjected. 'Sheelagh felt uncomfortable, it was nothing to do with you. To be honest, we've discovered we're too different to be near each other.'

'What does that mean?'

'Oh, nothing. I suppose I better get some sleep.'

'Mum?' Abi stopped her before she left the room. 'Where were you?'

'Looking for PC Kent,' she answered with a shrug.


	21. Acknowledgement

A/N: Now, Claire, trust me! When have I ever done anything bad? Well, unless you count the rape and the kiss and... Anyway! I've finished a Willow/Tara music vid, the link's on my profile page if anyone would like to check it out. I hope it works. If it doesn't, let me know.

* * *

Entering the station early the next day Sam could feel the air buzzing and she didn't need to be a psychic to work out why. Whilst reminding herself to play dumb, she approached the desk. 'Morning, JT.'

'Oh, hi, Sarge.' He reached under the desk, bringing out an envelope. 'A Mr Grayson dropped this in, something to do with a burglary?'

'Yeah, I was expecting it. Thanks.' As she moved away she realised she should probably find out how bad things were looking. 'Anything else I should know?'

JT could always be relied upon to gossip. 'You won't have heard, will you? Apparently, Gabriel Kent's been accused of rape. By another officer.'

'Really? Who?'

'No one knows. Shouldn't be long though, you can't keep a secret round here.'

'I suppose now.' Sam smiled courteously as she moved aside to open Mr Grayson's documentation.

While she was examining the papers she noticed a young man charge into the front office, skidding to a halt at the desk. 'I need to talk to someone. My Mum's missing.'

'Missing?' JT repeated. 'How long has she been gone?'

'I don't know. One night at least.'

'That doesn't seem a very long time, mate.'

'No, you don't understand. She's a copper. Here. She wouldn't go off without telling anyone.'

Alarm bells started to chime for Sam as JT asked, 'Sorry, who are you?'

'Connor Murphy. Sheelagh Murphy's son.'

Quickly, Sam sped back towards the desk. 'JT, I'll handle this.'

'What?' the desk clerk questioned. 'PC Murphy's missing, Inspector Gold should be informed.'

'I said I'll handle it,' she replied icily, hoping the penny wouldn't drop. Unfortunately, she saw it did as she led Connor Murphy into the front interview room. It couldn't be helped though, the priority had to be Sheelagh's boy.

By the time the door had closed he was visibly panicked. 'Do you know something? Where is she?'

'Alright, Connor, listen to me. This is going to be hard for you to get your head around.'

'She's alright, isn't she?'

Despite knowing it wasn't really her place, she pressed ahead- he'd have to find out at some point and Sheelagh wasn't looking forward to doing it. It was a service rather than meddling. 'Your Mum's in a hotel.'

'What? Why?'

She was so close to telling him the truth but her nerve failed as she stared into his eyes. A boy in an adult's world. No, it wasn't up to her. 'Well, she was a witness to a serious assault, there's a chance the suspect could be after her.'

'What kind of assault?'

'I really can't say anymore.'

'Why didn't she tell me? I was worried sick.'

At least she knew the answer to this one, Sheelagh had been emphatic on this point. 'She thought you'd be at your Dad's for a while yet. I don't think she wanted to worry you.'

'Is this bloke dangerous?' he asked after a moment.

'Possibly.' Reaching into her pocket she pulled out a pen and one of her own number cars. Quickly, she scribbled her address. 'This is my home, okay? You should go there, you'll be safe.'

He looked a little uncertain. 'You are a cop, aren't you?'

'DS Samantha Nixon,' she smiled and turned the card over as proof. 'Good question though. My daughter's at home, tell her who you are, she'll understand.'

'I don't think I do.'

'It might not be safe for you to go home, Connor.'

'Is she in trouble?'

'We've got it under control, I promise.'

* * *

The room was acknowledging something for her. All night it had been playing childish games; flecks of light kept her awake or a superstitious creak from a floorboard would shock her from her slumber. Even after giving up on sleep she'd felt it, and it was still there mid-morning. Putting her finger on what it was wasn't difficult, just painful. Then came the realisation that it would have to be dealt with at some point- it was better sooner rather than later.

* * *

It was official. Everybody knew. People were gossiping as Sam walked by, not even having the decency to talk in whispers. It infuriated her. None of them knew what Sheelagh had been through, it didn't seem too many of them cared. The latest station news didn't require emotion to make it an interesting topic.

'Samantha!' Smithy caught her half way up the stairs. 'Is it true?'

'Pardon?'

'Sheelagh. Is it true? JT said you were the one to ask.'

'Did he now? Well, I'm not sure what it has to do with you, or anyone else for that matter.'

'It is true then,' Smithy answered his own question then crossed his arms. 'He's done it before.'

For the first time she truly looked at him. 'What?'

'When she died Kerry was pregnant, right? He wasn't in a relationship with her, she hated his guts. Whatever happened between them wasn't consensual.'

'You can't be sure of that. Can you?'

He shrugged. 'I know Gabriel, what he's like. He wouldn't think twice about raping a woman.'

'Believe me, I know,' Sam muttered grimly.

'How is she?' he asked quietly.

'How do you think?'

'Look, I'll testify in court if I have to. He won't get away with it again.'

'No, he won't,' she agreed. 'I'll make sure of that myself.'

Leaving Smithy on the stairs she continued up to CID, trying to process the latest development. Obviously, she was angry. If Kerry Young had reported Gabriel for rape all those months ago then perhaps he wouldn't have had the opportunity to hurt Sheelagh. The fact that it could've been prevented twisted within Sam the most. Seeing Sheelagh's pain was enough to send anyone over the edge, whether they were in love with her or now, she was even more determined than ever that he should pay.

Unfortunately for Sam, her vengeful thoughts were interrupted by the sight of Phil sitting at her desk. Since their heated conversation the previous week they'd hardly exchanged pleasantries, even avoiding conversation on work matters. And she knew she could do without an argument at that precise time and place. Then again, she didn't want to alienate him, the work environment needed to be clear. 'Hi.'

Something too close to hope was on his face. Not something she was used to seeing and it was throwing her slightly. 'Why didn't you tell me?' he asked.

'About what?'

'You know what. Sheelagh, Gabriel.'

'Oh, that.' Since her seat was taken she took Phil's desk. 'It wasn't relevant.'

'What do you mean? Course it was. That's why you wanted me out the way for a bit, you was worried.'

God, could the man not take an unsubtle rejection? 'Phil, I don't...'

'I understand. This ain't a good time. But when it is you talk to me, yeah?'

As he vacated the seat and left Sam felt bemusement wash over her, quickly replaced by the thought that it would have to be dealt with at a later point. There was something much more important she had to see to.

* * *

After what seemed like an age of being alone in the silent knowing room Sheelagh was surprised by the ringing phone. She practically dived on the invitation of conversation. 'Hello?'

'It's Gina.'

'Any developments?' she enquired hopefully. 'The sooner I can get out of here the better.'

'No, I'm afraid not. That's why I phoned actually.'

There was only one possible response to that. 'How is she?'

'She's feeling sidelined, I know that much.'

'I didn't mean to...'

'Oh, I know that,' Gina interrupted. 'So does she, which is why she's leaving you alone. Doing as you wish and all that. But I don't think that is what you want.'

'What makes you think I know what I want?' Sheelagh questioned.

'Because I've been watching you and Samantha over the last month. If it's blindingly obvious to me then I don't know where you two are going wrong.'

After a moment, she admitted, 'Gina, I don't know what to do.'

'I worked that out already. I can't tell you what to do, Sheelagh, but I know what you shouldn't be doing.'

'And what's that?'

'Burying your head in the sand. Trust me, it never works.'

* * *

Cold coffee. Why was it always cold? And why did the sugar particles congregate at the bottom? And why was she pondering the wonders of the coffee industry while watching a hotel entrance?

Occasionally, Sam found herself wondering what her true purpose there was. Initially, she'd wanted to check Sheelagh was safe and warn the hotel staff she was to be left alone but getting the room number and stationing her car in a good position to see it was perhaps going a little far. Then again, at that moment in time she wasn't bothered about reactions to anything, even Sheelagh's reaction to this 'stalking' was unimportant. As long as the goal was achieved it was worth it.

Spotting a familiar head walking through the main doors in a porter's uniform brought the goal forward. Pulling out her mobile, she dialled quickly. 'Gina, it's Sam. I've found Gabriel.'


	22. Confrontations and joinings

A/N: Due mainly to fear, chapter twenty two arrives. And any major errors are due to the alcohol mist around my eyes since about dinner. Sorry!

* * *

Gina had given her strict instructions that under no circumstance was she to move. They'd sounded more like hopeful directions than expectant ones, the Inspector knew her too well. So Sam didn't feel too wrong when she locked the car and took off into the expansive hotel.

* * *

She'd been eyeing the phone for the best part of half an hour, it even felt as if she was edging closer to it. Of course, she wasn't, but much of her wished she was. It wasn't difficult to conjure up Sam's voice in her head, telling her everything was going to be fine, whispering it. The thought calmed her.

A knock on the door brought her back to earth. She was so sure it was Samantha that she didn't bothered asking, opening it brought a shock. Gabriel in a porter's uniform. 'What the..?'

He pushed into the room. 'Surprised to see me?'

'Get out.'

'Not until you talk to me.'

'How did you get in here?'

'Easy when you know how,' he shrugged, reaching past to slam the door shut. 'You and me need a little chat.'

It was funny. Standing there, he didn't look the least bit intimidating. Admittedly, the bright red suit was helping none but, apart from that, his eyes had lost that sadistic glow that had caused her sleepless nights. He was just a man. 'We've got nothing to talk about.'

Something flickered over his face, disappointment? 'You've made an allegation against me, I want it withdrawn.'

'Even when it's completely truthful?'

'You're seeing things all wrong, Sheelagh! What we had was good, bit shirt but can't have everything.' When she didn't respond, he continued, 'That dress you were wearing, classy little red number. But revealing. What were you expecting me to do? I mean, you can't pretend it wasn't for my benefit.'

'Get over yourself, Gabriel,' she hissed. 'I didn't do anything for your benefit.'

'Whose then?' he pressed. 'Phil Hunter's? Samantha Nixon's?'

At that she paused. Though she was fairly sure that at the time she hadn't been aware of any attraction between her and Sam, it still seemed strange to look at it in hindsight. How much of that evening- the dinner, anyway- had contributed to Sam's feelings for her? The chit-chat, she'd shared things with her she'd almost forgotten about. When she was twelve she'd dropped her little cousin in the late; miraculously, Sam had done almost exactly the same thing with a toddling Abigail. Being able to laugh as a pair was what had sidelined Gabriel so, inadvertently, Samantha had helped in winding him to breaking point. 'My own,' she eventually answered. 'Contrary to popular belief, women don't dress to please men.'

'Come on!' Gabriel scoffed. 'That's all you do! Walking around in those short skirts, messing with our minds.'

'So you're raping me was my fault?'

'What's rape?' he questioned. 'Some concept, a category.'

'Don't try and excuse it.'

'Oh, I'm not. See, I didn't do anything wrong. You'd been giving me the come on all night, you invited me in. I just took the initiative.'

She almost laughed. 'By waiting until I asked you to leave?'

'It was the perfect time.'

'Of course it was,' she replied sarcastically. 'Everybody knows the best place to force yourself on someone is the hallway.'

'You're being over-dramatic, Sheelagh,' he said, drawing the words right out. 'Anyway, I didn't come here to argue. I want you to drop your accusation.'

'You know I won't.'

'Be realistic! With your history, who'll believe you? You chose Des Taviner, this is just avoidance of a station scandal.'

'Samantha Nixon did,' she said slowly.

'Yeah,' Gabriel answered thoughtfully. 'That's one thing I don't understand. She's the coldest bitch in Sun Hill but you go running to her. Why?'

'Don't talk about her like that.'

'Why not? It's true.'

'And how would you know?'

'I bet she's got an ulterior motive,' he went on. 'Maybe she just wants you to make a fool of yourself.'

'Stop stirring, Gabriel.'

'You don't think it's a possibility then?' he asked innocently. 'She's being sincere? That makes a change.'

'What has this got to do with anything?'

'I'm concerned, that's all. Don't want you getting hurt, do we?'

'How considerate of you.'

* * *

Hearing her name drop into the conversation had forced Sam's head closer to the door so her ear was pressed right against it. Of course, she was aware she shouldn't be eavesdropping but considered the situation important enough for it to be allowed. Backup still hadn't arrived and she was preparing to burst in if Gabriel started to get menacing. Fortunately, it seemed Sheelagh could more than hold her own, Sam was feeling immensely proud, not to mention hopeful because she was being defended.

'Just withdraw the allegation,' Gabriel was saying. 'That's all I want.'

'You've had my answer.'

'It's not the right one.'

'Not to you. I'm perfectly happy with my decision.'

His voice changed tone to pleading. 'Don't do this. I'm a good man. A couple of slip-ups, nothing compared to some.'

Sam, having picked up on the wording, was pleased when Sheelagh drew attention to it. 'How many slip-ups exactly? How many women have you raped, Gabriel?'

The second he spoke it was evident he'd been acting and was a master at it. His voice held the same harshness as it had during the doorstep confrontation of the previous week. 'There's that concept again.'

'There were others then.' It wasn't a question.

'No point hiding it now is there?' After a moment and no answer, he added, 'Kerry Young.'

Sam's breath caught as she realised Smithy had been spot on. Though she'd never much liked the flighty PC she felt a pang of sympathy for the woman who had died with the knowledge that justice hadn't been dealt out.

'Kerry?' Sheelagh repeated slowly. 'You raped Kerry?'

'Yeah. Surprised?'

'Nothing you say could surprise me,' the PC answered though Sam recognised a shake in her voice, one she hoped Gabriel hadn't noticed.

'Really? And here was me thinking I was telling you something.'

'She was pregnant,' said Sheelagh quietly. 'Your baby.'

'An unfortunate side-effect.'

'Unlucky, right?'

'I didn't expect you to understand, Sheelagh. I just wanted to tell you.'

'Supposed to be a comfort was it?'

'I'm not all bad.'

'Who are you trying to convince?'

He seemed to ignore her. 'You won't change your mind then?'

'You actually thought I would?'

'No, not really. You're under the thumb of the ice-maiden now, aren't you? I hadn't got a chance.'

'All Samantha did was support me, it was my choice.'

'Which is why I needed a contingency plan.' His footsteps came towards the door, Sam quickly stood straight as sirens wailed in the distance. 'That's my cue, I think.'

'I'm not letting you walk out of here, Gabriel,' said Sheelagh quickly. 'I want you in prison.'

'Good luck with that,' he replied as he pulled open the door.

Sam stood at his nose, suppressing a smile as she watched his reaction. 'Surprised?' she quipped before glancing past him to Sheelagh who didn't seem to share his shock, in fact there was something close to satisfaction in her eyes. Turning her attentions back to the rapist in front of her, she recited the caution, 'Gabriel Kent, I'm arresting you on suspicion of rape. You do not have to say anything but...'

* * *

Why was it not the biggest shock in the world to see Sam Nixon arresting Gabriel? I should have been. Yet Sheelagh guessed she should have expected it, what had been the chances of Samantha giving up?

She watched as several uniform burst into the room taking a silent Gabriel away. Sam almost looked ready to follow them until Sheelagh stepped forward.

'He didn't touch you did he?' asked Sam apprehensively.

'Of course not,' she assured her, waiting until the sound of booted feet faded away. Then she leaned forward a few inches to kiss her friend tenderly. Pulling away ever so slightly, she added, 'Thanks for eavesdropping.'

After a moment when it seemed she was speechless, Sam smiled. 'Anytime.'


	23. The floodgates

A/N: I'm mean at times. This I accept. But I figured they could be happy for a while right? And that wouldn't be too boring... right? Anyhow, my kind of happy is still kinda angsty.

* * *

'What time is it?'

'Late,' Sheelagh yawned watching Samantha fiddle with the key.

'Very helpful. Thanks.'

As the door finally swung open, she shrugged. 'Do I look like a clock?'

Sam ignored that, waiting until they were both in the dark kitchen before she spoke again. 'I hope Connor's still here.'

'He is,' Sheelagh answered, waking herself up long enough to read a note on the counter. 'Abi put him in your room.'

'Where am I supposed to sleep?'

'The floor, apparently,' she smiled, passing Sam the note. 'I think I'll take the sofa.'

'Seems a shame to go to sleep really,' said Sam as she glanced out of the window. 'Another hour or so and the sun'll be up.'

'And I'll be asleep, thanks.' Without waiting for an answer Sheelagh went into the living room crashing onto the inviting sofa. 'This is nice.'

After a moment, Sam appeared with a blanket. 'Lucky for some.'

Taking the blanket, Sheelagh also grabbed the hand that offered it. 'Come here.'

She obliged, dropping next to her. 'You okay? It hasn't been the best evening.'

'I didn't expect it to be. But he's where he belongs now, that's all that matters.'

'Could've done without the five hours of interrogation though.'

'And I suppose you've never put someone through that?' teased Sheelagh lightly.

'I thought you were tired,' Sam retorted.

'I am,' she answered, resting her head on the comfortable shoulder beside her. 'Goodnight.'

Sam wrapped an arm around her. 'Goodnight.'

* * *

Awaking with a start, Sam was unsure why since the room was barely light. Then a muffled sound across in the chair alerted her to Sheelagh's presence and the fact that the woman she loved was crying. Clambering off the sofa, she was immediately holding her. 'Darling?'

'Oh, I'm sorry,' Sheelagh muttered through the tears. 'It's just... I'm being stupid.'

'No, no, you're not,' Sam assured her. 'I'm surprised you held it together this long actually.'

'You thought I'd fall apart?'

'I think anyone would. But you've been so strong, you've no idea how proud I am of the way you've handled this.'

Sheelagh seemed to snort. 'You've got your own reasons to say that.'

'Okay, true. But it doesn't make it anymore of a lie. You're an amazingly strong woman and I'm not just saying that to stop you blubbering over my jacket.'

The tears slowly dried up as Sam held her close. In actual fact she was pleased Sheelagh had finally seen fit to let it all out. Since the night of the rape she hadn't expressed much emotion at all, it had been becoming a bit of a worry. Then again, Sam supposed she was a fine one to talk about releasing feelings, Gina had gone as far as to suggest she was an emotional incompetent and the more she'd thought about it over the last few days the more she'd realised it could be an accurate assessment. Until Sheelagh there hadn't been one person she'd wanted to share absolutely everything with and when she'd found somehow a pig's ear had been made of it. An embarrassing lunge across a sofa and a few days of botched apologies. If it hadn't all miraculously worked out, thanks in no small part to Gina Gold (Sheelagh had confessed the Inspector had worked the same psychology on her as with Sam the previous week), it would've gone down as one of the more pathetic seductions in history.

It had worked out though, Sam reminded herself as she kissed Sheelagh's forehead. In the hotel room, when they'd been left alone, she'd been so apprehensive, wondering if she about to receive an earful for the evident spying/stalking she'd been doing but, no. Sheelagh had kissed her and that was that. Not much had been said between then and when they'd arrived back at the house but it hadn't needed to be. A comfortable silence, they'd have plenty of time to talk later. All that seemed to have happened was a conversion back to how they'd been before the disastrous kiss- brilliantly close. Sure, something had changed but it was a tiny thing, rather like putting on an old pair of shoes to find they fit better than they ever have.

Suddenly, something occurred to Sam. 'You haven't eaten.'

'I'm not hungry,' Sheelagh replied quietly.

'Wrong answer.' Sam pulled both of them up onto their feet. 'What do you want?'

'It's half-past four in the morning!'

'So it's breakfast! No arguments.'

After finally discovering something which could pass for edible food and burning it to a crisp, Sam sat them down at the table. For a little while all was silent until footsteps echoed from the direction of the staircase. The pair exchanged an apprehensive look as Abigail came into sight, Connor on her heels.

The young man was the first to break the deadlock. 'Mum! You're okay?'

Sheelagh was immediately on her feet. 'Oh, of course I am! I just didn't want to wake you, that's all.'

'Well, you should've! I was worried.'

Beside him, Abi rolled her eyes and took a seat next to her mother. 'Is everything alright?'

Sam glanced at Sheelagh, unsure of what they were going to tell them. How far they were going to go. 'Yes.'

'Connor, sit down,' Sheelagh instructed, nodding to the spare chair. 'I know I haven't been around to explain things, I should have been.'

'What was this assault you witnessed?' he asked. 'Did you catch the bloke?'

'Well, firstly, I wasn't a witness to the assault, I was the victim.'

'What?' He looked to Sam. 'You told me...'

'Connor,' Sheelagh interrupted. 'Forget that. It wasn't Samantha's place to tell you. I put it off because I didn't know how to tell you.' After a moment during which Sam reached under the table to squeeze her hand, she continued, 'It was a sexual assault. How could I tell you that?'

Sam watched closely as the boy absorbed that. Obviously, it was going to take some understanding but, from what Sheelagh had said about her son, he could come to terms with it. Glancing over to her own child, Sam felt like just holding her as she had when she was tiny. Making do with a reassuring smile though she felt warm when it was returned. Then Abi nodded her head to the door, an indication they should leave. Sheelagh's renewed grip on her fingers meant that Sam couldn't even if she'd wanted to. So she shook her head ever so slightly and turned her attentions back to Connor.

Finally, he swallowed. 'You were raped?'

'Yes.'

'Who wa..? Did you..?'

Sam took over the reins. 'He's in custody, Connor. We arrested him this evening. It's why we were so late back.'

'I don't understand this,' he said quietly.

'I don't think any of us truly do,' replied Sam, earning herself surprised glances from both Sheelagh and Abi. 'What I mean is, no one can get inside heads, however much we might want to.'

Sheelagh clandestinely squeezed her hand again. 'It won't stop you wanting you to try will it?'

'I don't know. Sometimes you just have to accept it for what it is.'


	24. Congratulations

A/N: I like writing nice chapters, what can I say?

* * *

'Heard about yesterday. Well done, Sarge.'

'Thanks, Terry,' Sam smiled awkwardly as she finally managed to take a seat at her desk. From the moment she'd set foot in the station she'd been congratulated and cheered, the word had been spread and she was practically a hero. Gabriel was the big bad wolf- a perfect analogy, she thought- and Sheelagh the helpless victim. That picture she wasn't too happy about. Anyone who'd sat through Sheelagh's ordeal over the past few weeks would be able to see she'd been anything but helpless yet it ruined the fairy tale if the woman put up a fight, didn't it?

Sam found herself in the white knight role. Since it was usually reserved for spindly men she felt as though she had busted through another boundary. It wasn't as if she wanted the attention or status really though, all she cared about was sleeping a few miles away, hopefully peacefully.

Sheelagh had wanted to come in but Connor had rejected that idea, insisting he took his mother back home. While the idea was good in theory, Sam was having trouble believing Sheelagh wanted to be at 'home'. Not just because that's where the assault happened but Sam liked to think she would be missed- the comfortable happiness they'd managed to fall into would have to be suspended now they were back in their separate worlds.

'Sam, a word.' DI Manson left her no choice but to follow him as he retreated into his office.

The look on his face was anything but congratulatory. 'Yes, Guv?'

'Your little escapade yesterday might have made you a celebrity around here and, yes, you did get a good result but I don't appreciate being kept out of the loop. My officers report to me, not Inspector Gold, or themselves for that matter.

A pat on the back hadn't been expected anyway, yet she wasn't about to relinquish her defence. 'With respect, Guv, I didn't go behind anyone's back.'

'You happened to be in the area when Kent appeared then?'

'I stopped by,' she replied in part-honesty. 'I was supporting Sheelagh as a friend. Perhaps I shouldn't have gone on your time but I won't apologise for being there to arrest Gabriel.'

It didn't seem as though he'd expected her to argue back. 'Right, well, I don't expect this to happen again. We work as a team here.'

'Yes, Guv.'

Back at her desk, she inwardly smiled at her diplomacy. It wasn't an enhanced statement to say that, in the past, she'd been quick to lose her temper in such a situation but she'd talked her way out of it, out-maneuvered Manson. Maybe it was Sheelagh's influence. Perhaps shedding the label of 'emotional incompetent', as Gina had put it, was part of the reason she could now be relaxed. It was a nice thought anyway.

The good mood obviously wasn't set to last. 'Samantha?'

Trying not to visibly cringe, she attempted a smile. 'Phil. Everything alright?'

'Yeah, actually.' He sat across at his own desk. 'How's our hero?'

'Find one and ask them.'

'Modesty's not like you, Sam.'

'I just did my job.'

'Bit beyond the call of duty, wasn't it? Letting her stop with you?'

'That's what people do, Phil. Help others out.'

'Suppose you're proving you're human anyway.'

Despite herself, she smiled. 'Thanks for that.'

'You're welcome,' he answered then scratched his head. 'Listen, how about that drink we've been promising ourselves?'

'Oh, Phil! It's not...'

'Okay,' he interrupted. 'Not a good time, I get it. But I did mean as mates, you know. No strings attached. Friendly drink.'

'Alright, you can stop selling it now! Another time.'

Phil grinned. 'I'm holding you to that.'

* * *

She was wondering whether reaching across the bed for the phone was going to cause Connor to bound up the stairs in a panic. Settling on the fact that there was a significant chance it would she chose to ignore it, instead picking up the handset and dialling DS Nixon's direct line. It was answered almost instantly. 'Hi.'

'Hello!' Sam sounded delighted. 'How are you?'

'I'm being held prisoner by my son, I've had better days.'

'Oh, right. I suppose he means well.'

'That's not the point! I'm going crazy!'

'Sheelagh,' said Sam quietly. 'Why are we whispering?'

'If he hears me I'll just get a lecture.'

There was laughter on the other end of the phone. 'He's a kid!'

'You're telling me Abigail never scares you?' Sheelagh argued.

'Of course not!'

'Oh, no? You can't hide anything from me, Sam, I've lived with you now. I've seen everything.'

'So much for me being a closed book. How transparent am I these days?'

'Don't worry,' Sheelagh answered. 'I'm sure your reputation's safe. Who's going to believe you're anything but an ogre?'

'Now you really know how to charm a woman.'

Changing the subject, she asked, 'How's work?'

'It's just the usual. I'm being serenaded, cheered, nothing of the ordinary.'

'And, naturally, you hate the attention.'

'Well, you know me, Sheelagh. I'm the shy type.'

'Oh, of course.' Hearing a murmur on the other end of the line, she listened carefully till it faded. 'Was that Phil?'

'Mmm-hmm. That's probably not a good topic of conversation right now.'

'That translates as 'he's standing right behind you' then?'

'That's a fair assessment actually,' Sam replied. 'I'm erm...'

Sensing where that was going, Sheelagh finished for her, 'I'm missing you too.'

'It's nice to hear. Listen, the DI's heading my way and he's not a happy bunny.'

'You go, it's fine. Just... don't leave me here all alone, okay?'

'How's tomorrow for you? Since Connor won't let me through the door tonight.'

'I think I can cope with that.'


	25. Connor's revelation

A/N: I promise major conflicts, honestly. I can't live without them. Means my life might be a bit bumpy but I can cope with that. Anyhow, I'm back. And the reason I'm struggling is because I'm trying to undo the knots of Gabriel Kent. I'm baffled.

* * *

Was it possible for a day to feel like several lifetimes? Sheelagh was certainly willing to testify it was.

Connor had been attentive, insistent, almost unbearable. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate what he was doing but he believed she was completely dependent on him, the word 'spinster was practically creeping into his vocabulary. And there was no way she could gently explain to him that being released from the house wouldn't mean she'd be roaming the streets alone. There wasn't a way she could tell him that she just wanted to see Samantha.

In fact, the thought of seeing Sam sometime in the future was probably the one thing keeping her sane. Well, that and the knowledge that Gabriel Kent was behind bars where he belonged. As long as she was sure of those two things she was fine.

There was a light rap on the door which made her inwardly groan at her son's persistence. 'What is it, Connor?'

He came in, looking a little nervous. 'I, er... need to talk to you.'

She was instantly awake. 'What's the matter?'

'Nothing, really. I mean, it's not a bad thing.'

Years of practice was telling her the opposite. 'What's going on?'

'Don't overreact, Mum, okay?' he pleaded as he perched on the end of the bed.

'I might in a minute,' she warned.

'Alright, alright. I was gonna tell you when I came home the other night but you weren't here. Me and a couple of mates, we want to move in together.'

* * *

Irrational nervousness hit Sam as she eyed the house. A part of her was worried whatever spell they'd both been under would've suddenly disappeared, Gabriel was in the past and so, therefore, was their connection. Over. Finished.

The second Sheelagh opened the door she realised the worry was unnecessary. The woman looked positively ecstatic. 'Hi.'

'What took you so long?'

'Oh, erm...' Sam hastily pulled up the paper bag. 'Stopped for lunch.'

Sheelagh stepped aside. 'You're forgiven then.'

'Yeah...' She didn't move. 'Is it safe?'

'And here was me thinking you weren't scared of anyone. It's okay, he's out looking at his new flat.'

'What?' Her worries forgotten, Sam followed Sheelagh into the kitchen. 'He's moving out?'

'Mmm-hmm.' Sheelagh took the bag, putting the contents on the counter. 'I'll take the cheese if you don't mind.'

'Er, go ahead. Sorry, hang on a minute. Connor's moving into his own place?'

'Yeah, apparently. That's why he's been so attentive, he didn't want to tell me.'

'He's still in college, how's he planning on supporting himself?'

'Well, that's not the only secret he's been keeping. He's had a job for almost a year and he's seeing someone as well. I must have been blind.'

'No,' Sam assured her. 'Some people are just good at hiding things.'

'You'd know.'

'Hmm, we were talking about Connor.'

'So we were.' Sheelagh spread the sandwiches out, putting them on the table. 'It isn't a problem, you know.'

'You being abandoned? I think it is.'

'Alright, firstly, I'm not a car. Secondly, Connor's an adult. It'd be wrong of me to hold him back.'

'I'm not sure I'd be so calm in your position.'

'It's different for you. Abi's eight months pregnant for one thing. Anyway, I'd rather he went with my blessing.'

'Yeah, okay. I can understand that,' Sam answered as her phone beeped in her pocket. 'Meant to turn it off.'

'Who is it?'

'Gina,' she said as she took the call. 'Hi.'

'Samantha, where are you?'

'At Sheelagh's, why?'

'No, that's good. I think I can only explain this once.'

'Sorry, Gina, you've lost me.'

'I'll be there soon.'

Slightly disturbed, Sam placed the phone on the table. 'She's coming round.'

Sheelagh looked equally as worried. 'Is it something to do with Gabriel, is he out?'

'He was refused bail. Look, it's probably nothing.' However confident she sounded, it was all a front. Gina had sounded fairly, for want of a better word, confused. It wasn't a reaction Sam expected from the Inspector at any time, she couldn't recall actually hearing the tone before. Trying not to show her concerns to Sheelagh, she smiled. 'Trust me, okay?'

'Why wouldn't I?'

After that, Sam sincerely hoped it would amount to nothing since trust was being placed and everything could easily be broken. 'Good.'

* * *

Sam was lying but Sheelagh appreciated it. The last thing she needed to hear was that the world was falling to pieces.

Having abandoned the lunch in favour of silent contemplation in the living room, Sheelagh found Sam refusing to meet her eye. That loosely translated as a sign that the detective sergeant was nervous about the impending visit from Gina, something which concerned Sheelagh, not on the basis of Gina's news being less than desirable but because Sam seemed miles away again. A couple of forceful barriers had broken down during the course of the Gabriel investigation- Samantha Nixon had become human. Right then it felt as if she'd pulled back again. Sheelagh felt like she was losing her before they'd even got started.

Finally, the doorbell rang. Sheelagh made to get up but Sam was too quick leaving her no option other than sitting down and being patient. She heard the low murmur of voices, recognising frustration in Sam's, then the pair entered the living room, both sitting down.

'So are you going to tell me what's going on?' Sheelagh asked when nobody ventured a break in the silence. 'Is it Gabriel?'

'In a manner of speaking, yes,' Gina said. 'Or rather who he really is.'

'What?'

The Inspector sat forward. 'This is going to be hard to get your head around. But just listen.'


	26. Pillow talk

A/N: Okay, Claire, no killing anyone. We agreed, remember? Right, trying to explain Gabriel here, the producers have got me tied in knots so it probably won't make sense. The next chapter might help though.

* * *

Closing the door on Gina's retreating back, Sam took a moment to steady herself against the wall before going back into the living room. Sheelagh was white as a sheet, staring into space. Unsure of what she was supposed to say, Sam carefully sat down, reaching for her hand. 'Are you alright?'

'How could he have fooled everyone?' Sheelagh finally looked sideways. 'Didn't anyone think to double-check?'

'The MET's not known for its stringent security measures,' answered Sam. 'Look at Andrea Dunbar. Gabriel just...'

'Don't you mean, David?'

'I wish I knew what I meant. I'm sorry, Sheelagh. Impersonation, found... rape, we deal with it every day but this is so much different. I'm lost.'

Something quietened as Sheelagh's face cleared. 'That's the nicest thing you could've said.'

'What?' Despite her confusion, Sam found herself smiling. 'I'm not sure what I said.'

'You don't have to,' Sheelagh answered as she kissed her. Gradually, the intensity grew until they broke apart quickly. 'Connor's out.'

As tempting as the offer was... 'I should probably go.'

'Sam, what's wrong?'

'I can't...' She glanced down. 'I don't want to see fear in your eyes.'

Sheelagh lifted her chin up. 'I can promise you, I'm fine.'

* * *

Six years ago there had been an incident. Well, not so much as incident as an infatuation that had almost got out of hand. A man, obviously, who'd practically ripped out her intestines and fed them to his parrot. He was another copper, someone with enough charm to make innocent people confess and she'd done the one thing she'd prided herself on not doing since the betrayal by Abi's father. She'd fallen for him.

As it happened, he'd taken an interest too. A few drinks, naturally progressing into meals and something close to a future had seemed on the cards until the key had turned, the door had locked and she'd pulled right away. It was then she realised it was a physical attraction and, if it was so impossible for her to emotionally open up to someone, then she might as well give it up.

An easy decision, nothing but the physical side of relationships and that had been acceptable. Until Sheelagh anyway. For the first time she hadn't wanted to draw back the second she felt a connection, she'd held out. And she still didn't want to run in the opposite direction. A miracle actually.

* * *

'Sam?'

'Mmm-hmm?'

'It's getting late.'

'I know.' Sam opened her eyes. 'I don't want to move.'

Sheelagh smiled, trying to control the rest of her emotions so she didn't start making a fool of herself. Then again, what did it matter? 'If we stay here long enough Connor might come in.'

'What would he be doing in your bedroom?'

'Being the dutiful son.'

'The interrupting son,' Sam argued lightly. 'You'd think he'd give you some privacy.'

'Sorry, but I don't think he'd be anticipating this.'

'Mmm... Sheelagh, should we discuss telling them, Connor and Abi?'

The dreamworld she'd been inhabiting for the last few hours started to collapse around her ears. 'Back to earth with a bang, right?'

'I didn't mean to,' Sam said quickly. 'But we should talk about it. What if they find out accidentally six months down the line, what then?'

Sheelagh couldn't help but smile. 'This is long-term then?'

'Yes, it is. And I hope that's alright because it's settled.'

'And I thought I might have a say in this.'

'You'd make the right decision.'

'So sure of yourself, DS Nixon,' teased Sheelagh as she moved closer to the protective warmth of her lover. 'Then again, what else did I expect?'

'Seriously, though. They shouldn't find out second hand from a station gossip. And don't say nobody knows, you know that's not the way things work.'

'You can be very persuasive, you realise that?'

Sam laughed lightly. 'It's one of my better traits.'

Inwardly, she acknowledged Sam was going to persist and since she couldn't imagine her happiness wearing off for at least a week there was no real reason to argue. 'I'll make a deal. Let's give it a month, to gauge reactions and, you know, to make sure...'

'We're compatible?'

'Exactly. Then we'll see.'

'We will be,' Sam said decisively. 'I've never... Well, you know.'

Tilting her head back so their eyes met, Sheelagh asked, 'Going shy on me?'

'It sounds so good in my mind, I don't want to spoil it.'

'Risk it,' she instructed.

After a moment, the detective shrugged mildly. 'Alright, I'm an arse, somehow I get the feeling you know that. Anyway, this is new, this feeling of wanting to share everything with you. Usually, I just back right off. This hasn't happened since... It's been a while. Sorry, I knew this sounded better in my head.'

'It sounds perfect. Anymore?'

'Much, most of it not worth discussing.' When Sheelagh failed to tear her gaze, she continued, 'I'm scared of getting close to someone, fear of being hurt I suppose. That was fine, I just didn't do it. Well, then I did so... Look, do you see what I mean? I'm rambling like an imbecile.'

'I like it when you do that.'

'That's lucky, it's my fatal flaw.'

'You've only got one?'

Probably to stem the insults Sam closed the gap between them for a lingering kiss. Before Sheelagh could gather a coherent thought she was pinned down and lost. And happy.


	27. A step back in time

A/N: If anyone can pull off being a loony toon, it's you, Claire. Okay, this is my last sort of happy chapter. It's got a bit out of hand, I don't like things on an even keel for long. I have something big in store next chapter. I'll try to get it up Sunday. Fingers crossed.

* * *

'As I'm sure many of you are aware, yesterday some unsettling facts about one of our former colleagues came to light.' Adam Okaro looked around the canteen, probably checking all eyes were on him. Despite knowing much more than the Superintendent was willing to part with, Sam was listening intently, just to hear what the official was going to be. It was probably going to be a whitewash of some kind, as she was sure the entire investigation as to how David Kent managed to get a job under a false name was going to be.

'A man managed to join the service under a false identity,' Okaro went on. 'Then used his position to abuse more than one officer at the station and possibly numerous members of the public. PC Kerry Young was raped by David Kent, though she didn't report it at the time. Along with a catalogue of other crimes, Kent confessed to this last night. It also transpired that Kerry, despite what was thought otherwise by some, was not leaking information to Jason Hardy, the Sun Hill sniper. David Kent and Hardy shared a military background so it appears he was more than likely the leak.'

The reaction to that was enormous. Sam saw Smithy in the corner, looking a mix of satisfied and angry, staring resolutely at the Super as the whispers around him intensified.

'I realise this is a shock but if I could continue,' Adam said loudly and the voices quickly ceased. 'We've all experienced the lies of David Kent in some form or another and some lives around here he has irreparably damaged. However, I hope that, as a station, we can rise above it. Any mistrust among ourselves would be letting this man win, I don't want that and I'm sure none of you do either. Thank you.'

As the Superintendent disappeared the canteen exploded with voices. Sam, though, was carefully avoiding contact with anyone as she made her way to the exit- people asking about Sheelagh's health wasn't what she wanted at that moment. They were starting to move on, a reminder that Sheelagh was fragile would have some ridiculous effect such as making her think she'd taken advantage of her the previous day.

She'd already been assured she hadn't, firstly by the way Sheelagh had acted but also because it felt so right. Anything that felt so perfect couldn't be unreciprocated.

Almost at the door, she was irritated when her shoulder was tapped. Until she saw who it was anyway. 'Oh, Gina. Everything alright?'

'Got time for a drink in my office?'

Hmm, scathing looks from Manson or a drink with a friend? 'Sure.'

A few minutes later the pair were stationed in the Inspector's office, both with a glass in hand. It was Gina who broke the silence. 'How's Sheelagh?'

Since this was one person who had a legitimate part in proceedings and therefore the right to ask, Sam smiled. 'Much better. We've hit a smooth piece of road.'

'You seem happy,' observed Gina.

'I am. Well, we both are. Kent's confession means that Sheelagh won't have to testify in court, she can move on.'

'It won't be as easy as you think. Something like this, it can scar a person.'

'I know all that. But we're together now, she's not dealing with it on her own, I'm there for her.'

'As long as you're sure.' Gina smiled as she downed her drink but it seemed a little too watery for Sam's tastes. She had some new food for thought.

* * *

Sheelagh surveyed the cardboard box empire that was now where her son's room used to be. 'You certainly are prepared. How long have you been waiting to tell me?'

He grinned sheepishly as he finished loading his shirts into a laundry bag. 'Few weeks. I'm sorry, Mum, I was just...'

'I understand,' she interrupted. 'This is just happening a little quickly, that's all.'

'I don't have to go now. I mean, I could wait a while if you need me.'

'You'll lose the flat-share,' answered Sheelagh. 'Honestly, everything's going to be fine. Now, you need to start thinking properly. This place will need a clean.'

His eyes lit up. 'So you'll do it for me?'

'Oh, no. As I'm being constantly reminded these days, you're an adult and it's time you learned the things that go along with that. Go downstairs, check the cupboard under the sink. Okay?'

It was obviously not the reaction he'd been hoping for but he shrugged, a sign in Sheelagh's eyes of how much more he'd matured in the last few years. As he thudded down the stairs she followed slowly meaning that she was passing the door as it was knocked on.

'Hi,' Sam smiled as she opened it. 'I was passing, found I couldn't.'

That was great to hear but as she closed the door she remembered her son. 'Connor's in the kitchen.'

'It's probably a good thing,' said Sam as she quickly kissed her. 'I am supposed to be working.'

'Am I a distraction then?'

'The biggest.'

Footsteps indicated Connor's return but he wasn't carrying bottles of detergent as she'd expected, instead there were two wine glasses in his hands. 'Oh, hi, Samantha. Mum, I found these behind the pipes.'

Suddenly recognising what they could be, Sheelagh glanced at Sam. After all, she must have been the one to tidy them away though the sink seemed a strange place to put them. Seeing them was bringing back some painful recollections of that night, Gabriel's manner more than anything. He'd been so calm, even when it was clear what he'd been planning all along. Why did that scare her the most, not the fact that he'd raped her, more the intricacies of Gabriel... no, David Kent's mind?

The shock must have shown. Despite Connor's presence, Sam put her arm around her shoulders. 'I'm sorry. I forgot about them.'

'What's going on?' Connor questioned. 'Mum?'

'Throw them,' instructed Sheelagh shakily. 'Don't ask. Just do it. Then carry on with your packing.'

He looked close to argument but seemed to think better of it. As he disappeared, Sheelagh felt herself guided into the living room and sat down on the sofa. Samantha was looking concerned. 'I put them there when I came back for your clothes that night. They could have been useful, evidence-wise. With everything, it slipped my mind.'

'It doesn't matter, I'm fine.'

'If you think I believe that, you're out of your mind.'

'Compliments won't get you anywhere.' Seeing the genuine anxiety, she relented a little. 'It surprised me a bit, alright? That's all it was, I promise.'

'It takes time to get over something like this. I don't want you feeling like you can't talk to me, I'm here for you.'

'Sam, please, I'm aware of everything. And I don't need special treatment. I'm trying to forget it.'

The detective took her hand. 'If you say so.'

'I do.'

'How are you fixed for dinner tonight? I'll cook.'

'You cook? I lived with you a week, I didn't know that.'

Sam shrugged. 'I'll get a takeaway.'


	28. A confession

A/N: My major spanner is about to get thrown in. Hope you enjoy this.

* * *

The next month passed by in a haste of happiness for Sam.

She couldn't remember a time in her life when she'd felt more content. Work was going fine, Manson seemed to have retracted his claws for a time while the rest of the station still treated her as some kind of hero over David Kent's arrest. Phil was proving a valuable ally out on the streets, they worked well as a team, especially since the romance aspect had been pushed out of the picture. Back home, Abi's due date was chugging nearer, her daughter was starting to get the slightest bit nervous but Sam was doing her best to support her, along with some precious assistance from Sheelagh.

Hmm, Sheelagh. Connor had long since moved out, she'd been remarkably blase about it all, so much so that even he probably thought she didn't care. Of course, she did, but she was being a brilliant mother. Something Sam wasn't sure she'd be able to achieve herself. Sheelagh Murphy was something special though. Kent hadn't even been mentioned, it was as though he had been truly forgotten and there wasn't anything in the path of the relationship. Which itself was going perfectly. It had survived everything, including Sheelagh's return to work and the interesting scenarios that had thrown up. When they passed in the corridors they were merely DS Nixon and PC Murphy, the boundaries were clear, it was just sticking to them that was the difficult aspect.

That evening, a Tuesday, they were going out for a meal to a classy restaurant, Sheelagh's choice. Sam was more than willing to foot the bill since they normally stayed in (something she wasn't complaining about), occasionally, she just wanted to treat her girlfriend. Because of the plans she was surprised to have her mobile ringing at eight, soon after she'd got into work, flashing 'Sheelagh'. 'Is everything alright?'

'I've taken the day off.'

'What? Are you okay?'

'Calm down,' Sheelagh instructed. 'I need to talk to you at some point. It's important.'

That sounded too ominous. 'What's going on?'

'Can you just come round when you can please?'

'Sheelagh, please!'

'Just say you will, Sam.'

'Of course I will.'

Without answering, Sheelagh hung up, leaving Sam staring at her phone. Something was badly wrong, you'd have to be a complete dolt not to work that out, but for the life of her she couldn't think what. Everything was going well, it had been anyway, what could've happened to make Sheelagh sound so worried?

* * *

'Samantha, where are you going?'

She'd nearly been out the door as well. Turning back to Manson, she put on her best professional smile. 'Just popping out, Guv.'

'Not now you're not,' he answered. 'Got a GBH suspect downstairs, need you to assist with interview.'

'I have to be somewhere.'

'Do it in your own time. Zain needs you downstairs.'

He walked off, obviously not giving her a choice in the matter. She checked her watch, finding it was just past eleven. All morning she'd been trying to slip out to see Sheelagh but to no avail- efforts had been thwarted, so to speak. Instead of boiling over as she felt like doing she took the professional track, heading downstairs to do her duty with DC Nadir.

* * *

Having got completely caught up in Zain's GBH investigation, it was mid-afternoon before Sam had the chance to contemplate Sheelagh again. It seemed a good time to pay a home-visit, that is, DI Manson was out of the office. Grabbing her jacket, she jogged down the stairs into reception stopping short as Gina signalled her from behind the desk. 'Sorry, I was just an my way out.'

The Inspector moved away from the prying ears of JT. 'Have you spoken to Sheelagh today?'

'Briefly.' Sam examined her friend's face. 'Wait a second, do you know why she's off work?'

'I'm her superior, I had to okay it.'

'Right. What's going on?'

'You really need to speak to her. I shouldn't have said anything.'

Sam reached quickly for her arm. 'You did though.'

Gina was saved the answering by Smithy running in from the main body of the station. 'Sam, you're needed.'

'What?'

'It's Abigail. She went into labour a couple of hours ago, she's in St.Hughes.'

* * *

Sheelagh sighed as she checked her watch for the fifth time in as many minutes. It was already bad enough preparing to tell Samantha what she had to without this long delay. The sooner she got it over with the sooner they could decide what the future was going to hold for them.

As the phone rang she jumped, despite her craving for such a noise it startled her. It didn't stop her answering it immediately though. 'Sam?'

'No,' Gina said. 'It's me.'

'I thought she'd have called by now.'

'Well, she got a little sidetracked. Abi's gone into labour.'

'What? Is she okay?'

'As far as we know. Sam's on her way there now. I thought since...'

'Since I'll be there anyway I could catch up with her?' Sheelagh finished. 'Okay, thanks for letting me know.'

* * *

The corridors of the hospitals were usually so crowded in her experience. The again, she'd mostly been in these places to investigate incidents and most of those conversations took place in busy wards where screeching was the only way to make yourself heard. No, the maternity ward was much quieter, despite what should have been the screaming-baby factor. Sam found it calming and, after spending four hours in a room with Abi knowing the worst was still to come, she needed some calming.

Surprisingly, a lone figure waited in a chair. 'Sheelagh, what are you doing here?'

'Gina phoned. How's Abigail?'

'She's doing alright. Better than I did, I think.'

Sheelagh nodded. 'And how are you coping?'

'Never mind me. I didn't get round to see you, what's going on?'

'Well, I...'

'Ms Nixon!' A nurse broke out of the room Sam recognised as Abi's. 'Your daughter's asking for you.'

Sam looked anxiously at Sheelagh. 'I should...'

'Go. It'll keep.'

* * *

'Sheelagh! Sheelagh, wake up!'

She was being shaken and opening her eyes, she realised the only lights within the corridor were artificial. 'What time is it?'

'Just after four. Listen, it's a girl! Mother and daughter both doing fine!'

She struggled into a comfortable position, gave it up and stood. Sam was glowing with pride, the happiest Sheelagh had seen her. 'That's great news. Has she named her yet?'

'Yeah,' Sam smiled. 'Belinda Niamh Nixon.'

Remembering a recent conversation with Abi about her own child, she nodded. 'That's nice.'

Slowly, the inane grin on DS Nixon's face faded. 'I thought you'd be pleased.'

'I'm sorry, I've been trying to tell you this for days.'

'Sheelagh, what is it?'

'I'm pregnant.'


	29. Post bombshell

'In here.' Samantha opened the door to the relative's room, forcing Sheelagh inside and onto the tatty sofa. 'How long have you known?'

'The doctor confirmed it today. Sorry, yesterday.'

'Okay.' Sam nodded, trying to process it all. 'When did you first suspect?'

'I've got kids, Sam. I know the signs.'

'That doesn't answer my question.'

'A few days. Not long.'

Seeing Sheelagh avoiding her gaze confirmed Sam's suspicions it had been longer. 'Why didn't you tell me when you first thought it was a possibility?'

'I wasn't sure.'

'You just said yourself, you're a mother, you know the signals.'

'Alright,' Sheelagh relented, looking up. 'Things have been going so well for us. This last month's been my happiest for a long time and I know this changes things.'

Despite her irritation, Sam softened slightly. 'I can't believe you told Gina before me.'

'I had to. After all the time off I've had recently I needed a good reason.'

'Right.' Sam slowly let out her breath as she searched for something comforting to say. Nothing sprang to mind.

'Are you alright?' question Sheelagh after a lengthy silence. 'You look a little pale.'

'It's been a long day. Anyway, I should be asking you these things. What did the doctor say?'

'Everything seems fine. Of course, it's too early to tell really.'

'No, that's good,' Sam said quickly. 'It makes everything easier.'

Sheelagh frowned. 'What do you mean?'

'Well, the abortion.'

It felt like the room suddenly silenced, even the buzzing of the radiator seemed to cease as the Irish PC stood. 'You automatically assume I'm getting rid of it.'

'It's a fair assumption! I mean, look at the circumstances.' Also getting to her feet, Sam refrained from approaching her girlfriend. 'It's the right thing to do.'

'Is it?'

'Of course it is. You have to think rationally here.'

After what seemed like an eternity, Sheelagh turned back. 'Rationality? Is that all this comes down to?'

'No, but... It helps to look at things objectively, you know that.'

'Right.' Sheelagh drew in a long breath before she finally made eye contact. 'I'm not having an abortion, Sam.'

For a moment she was sure she was hearing things wrongly. 'What?'

'I'm keeping my baby. And I won't apologise for it.'

Sam laughed derisively. 'You're joking. You can't even think about having this child, it's a ludicrous idea.'

'Says who?'

'Me! Sheelagh, you haven't thought this out, you can't have.'

'I've thought of nothing else for the last week!'

'It's been extended to a week now has it?' Sam shook her head to clear it. 'You can't have this baby.'

'Give me one good reason why not.'

'One? I could give you a dozen. Gabriel, for a start.'

'He's not a factor.'

'Not a fac..? Sheelagh, he's the father!'

'I don't see what that has to do with anything.'

'You're living in cloud-cuckoo land,' said Sam as she took one of Sheelagh's hands. 'Listen to me. That man raped you, I can't honestly believe you want a reminder of that.'

'I can't kill a child. It goes against everything I believe in.'

'You'd be doing it a favour.'

Sheelagh pulled away as if suddenly burnt. 'I don't believe you just said that.'

'Okay, I'm sorry,' Sam tried, reaching for the hand again. When that was rebuked she settled on an explanation. 'If you have this baby it'll be a constant reminder of what he did to you. Do you want that?'

'Of course I don't!'

'Well, then!'

'Sam,' Sheelagh began, motioning for them both to sit back down. 'You haven't lost a child. What happened to Niamh tore me to pieces, you can't imagine how I felt then.'

'No, I can't,' Sam said quietly.

'So an abortion is out of the question,' continued her girlfriend. 'It'd be like murdering the chance I never thought I'd have.'

'You're painting this as a good thing. The rape, everything.'

'Oh, I'm not. I detest Gabriel or whatever he's calling himself these days. You know that.'

'You're seeing this as a new start.'

'I thought it was supposed to be.'

'Yeah, you, me, Abi and the baby. That's the way it was supposed to be!'

Sheelagh was silent for a moment. 'The father of Abigail's baby is Hugh Wallis. He manipulated her from the outset, you've said that yourself.'

'The situations are completely different.'

'Are they? How?'

Unable to come up with a reasonable argument, Sam changed tack. 'What if Gabriel wanted contact somewhere down the line? And he would, you know that.'

'The courts wouldn't allow it.'

Sam stood up again, staring at a peculiar spot on the ceiling. 'Why bother telling me any of this, Sheelagh? Why not just turn up in nine months with a baby and have done with it?'

She felt Sheelagh also stand though no approach was made. 'I knew there were two ways you could react. You could've been supportive, worried but supportive, or you could've ended up like this. It was a test really.'

'And I failed because I saw the truth of the matter and I'm not looking at it through rose-tinted glasses.'

'What was the truth of the matter when you had Abigail, Sam?'

She turned back. 'Another completely different situation.'

'Really?' Sheelagh questioned. 'Glen Weston was a convicted murderer yet you had his child.'

'My relationship with Glen was consensual. Abi was conceived in what I thought was love.'

'And when it turned out to be based on a lie? You had her, Sam, despite what her father was.'

'I can't believe you're making comparisons. The circumstances were different and Abi... Well, she was my one chance for a child. I knew that.'

'So because I've already got kids I shouldn't worry about killing one more?'

'That's not what I'm saying!'

'No? Then explain to me what you are saying.'

Given the open opportunity she almost floundered. 'I don't think you'll be able to love this child.'

'I'm telling you I will.'

She swallowed. 'Okay. I don't think I'll be able to.'

Sheelagh looked away, tears glistening in her eyes. 'It's an innocent child.'

'It's the child of a monster.'

'It's my child!'

'That isn't enough! Every time I think about that night, when I remember you turning up on my doorstep in pieces, I want to rip his throat out. It might sound neanderthal but I want to protect you from it all. But when there's something growing inside of you as a sort of triumph for him, how can I?'

'It won't be like that.'

'It will, I don't need a psychic to tell me that. I'd hate this baby, Sheelagh, for all it represents. I'm not strong enough to do this.'

'If I can...'

'You're stronger than me!' Sam interrupted her. 'I've known that from the beginning! If I'd had to go through half the things you have I'd have given up a long time ago. You're an amazing woman, I've no chance of measuring up.'

'You're talking rubbish,' answered Sheelagh. 'You don't want to try.'

'Because it wouldn't work! I can see that.'

'So you're asking me to choose, is that it?'

Sam shook her head. 'I wouldn't do that. I don't want what we had to be diluted the way it would be if you were forced to spell it out.'

Sheelagh was the one to move forward this time, reaching out to caress her cheek. 'You're making this so much bigger than it has to be.'

'What did you expect me to say, Sheelagh? Truly, in your heart.'

The Irish woman smiled, though it was far form a happy one. 'I suppose I know you too well. I hoped I could persuade you it's the right thing.'

'I believe it is, for you.' Sam briefly closed her eyes against the gentleness of the fingers. 'But I can't be a part of it.'

'Sam, I love you.'

It was the first time the words had been uttered and for a moment she was swayed. Then the mental image of Gabriel holding Sheelagh which had been tormenting the back of her mind since the attack came to the fore. 'I love you too.'

Sheelagh nodded, she understood the tone. As the pair kissed for a final time Sam seriously considered giving it all up, she was so close to accepting everything. But doing that wasn't a solution, not a long-term one anyway. A year down the line and she'd be looking at a child she despised. It would be worse on everyone that way.

When they broke apart Sheelagh seemed eager to finish it quickly, probably because of those tears that were almost overflowing. 'You better get back to Abigail and Belinda. They'll need you.'

'Yeah, you're right. Well, bye, then.' Leaving the room she pulled the door shut behind her so as to avoid the temptation of either going or just looking back. Neither were viable options.


	30. Talking to Abi

A/N: Talk about a terrifying response, almost emigrated after those reviews. Shows you care though!

* * *

'Hi, darling. How are you?'

Abi looked up from her tiny daughter in her arms. 'You've been gone hours. Did you go home or something?'

Trying to focus on the present company, Sam shook her head. 'I found an all-night café round the corner, got a bite to eat.'

'Oh, right.' Abi frowned. 'Have you been crying?'

'No, of course not. Now, how's little Belinda doing?'

'She's done nothing but sleep.'

'That's amazing. You screamed night and day for the first month.'

'I was probably screaming at you.'

'Thanks,' Sam answered with as much of a smile as she could muster.

Her daughter slowly raised the sleeping bundle. 'Do you want to hold her?'

Nodding, she received her tiny granddaughter. 'Abi, she's beautiful.'

'I know.'

* * *

'Have you slept at all?' Inspector Gold questioned when Sheelagh reported to her office as soon as she came into work.

'I'm fine, Ma'am. Honestly.'

'Did you track down Samantha?'

'Yes, I did. I'd rather not talk about it, if it's all the same.'

'Right,' Gina nodded though her eyes still showed her intrigue. 'Well, you're on restricted duties as of now. Basically, that means plenty of paperwork and rest. I'm not being held responsible for anything happening to that kid, okay?'

Sheelagh smiled slightly. 'You assume I'm keeping the baby.'

'Well, you are, aren't you?'

'Yes, of course.'

'Right, then.' The Inspector looked a little baffled, understandably so since she was talking like a lunatic. 'Well, that'll be all.'

'Thank you, Ma'am.' She started to leave then looked back. 'Oh, Abigail had a little girl, Belinda Niamh. Mother and daughter fit and healthy.'

Gina nodded. 'I appreciate you telling me.'

'No problem.'

* * *

After Abi had settled down for a well-deserved sleep, Sam slipped out of the hospital to check her phone messages. She wasn't quite sure what she was expecting or even wanting. A message from Sheelagh perhaps but she was lost on what she'd want it to say. That her former lover was having an abortion after all? Since it obviously wasn't what Sheelagh wanted Sam knew she wouldn't be happy with that result. Her hours of deliberation in the all-night café had come up with one thing- Sheelagh had to be happy enough to live with her choices and Sam knew her well enough to realise that having the baby was the only option for PC Murphy.

Acknowledging that before the catastrophic confrontation wouldn't have helped. As far as she was concerned a child of Gabriel Kent's would be the evil youngster of a monster. There was no way around that in her eyes. Perhaps Sheelagh could see past it- the mother could- but Sam only envisioned seeing an image of the father. There was no way she could comfortably live with that. It seemed terrible to think it but she'd meant what she'd said, Sheelagh was so much stronger a person than her. She wouldn't be able to handle it.

As it happened, there was a voice message on her phone. Not Sheelagh though; Gina sounding irate and commanding a phone call. Immediately, she complied. 'Gina, hi.'

'Congratulations are in order, so I hear. A little girl.'

'You've been talking to Sheelagh,' she realised. 'How is she?'

'Extremely professional, which doesn't fool me for a minute. She told you about the baby I take it?'

'Gina, with all due respect, you've got no idea what's going on.'

'Oh, I think I can hazard a guess. You've abandoned her, haven't you?'

'I don't have to listen to this,' Sam warned. 'You don't know what you're talking about.'

'Well, maybe I don't but I'll tell you something. You've been happier this last month than I've ever seen you, Sheelagh too. And you're throwing it away because of your stubbornness. I thought you were better than that.'

'I'm trying to do what's best for everyone . Sheelagh knows that.'

'I hope you realise what you've given up, Samantha.'

'Believe me, I do.'

* * *

Knowing what Samantha was like, Sheelagh could be fairly certain they weren't going to meet at the hospital. Sam immersed herself in work whenever anything was cutting into her, it was the Nixon method of escapism. So as she made her way through the hospital corridors searching for Abigail, Sheelagh could relax.

Finding her in a busy maternity ward she gazed from a distance for a moment. Abi was obviously going to be a fantastic mother, the way she was looking at her daughter all but confirmed that. It would be difficult- at that age it was bound to be- but she had great support. Samantha was going to be a brilliant grandmother, just so long as that term wasn't used in her company. It was a pity being a step-mother wasn't on her agenda, no doubt she'd have been good at that too.

Pushing that away, Sheelagh made her way across to Abigail and little Belinda. 'Hiya!'

'Sheelagh! You didn't have to come.'

'Of course I did,' she answered, taking a peek at the small face. 'How are you both?'

'Fine. Well, tired, but it was worth it.'

'I believe you,' Sheelagh said softly. 'Has your mum been in?'

'Yeah,' Abi answered. 'This morning for a bit. She was strange though, it was like she'd been crying.'

At least that meant she was finding it difficult too. 'She was probably happy about this one.'

Abi certainly had her mother's inquisitive streak. 'No, it wasn't like that. Has something happened between you two?'

'Why would you think that?'

'Because you're the only person who could hurt her like this.'

'I'm not sure I know what you mean,' Sheelagh replied slowly.

'I know you're together. I'm not stupid. You haven't exactly been secretive have you?'

She hadn't equipped herself to deal with this. Telling Abi everything now seemed pointless though so did keeping it from her. Then again, the young girl was as headstrong as her mother, she'd get the whole truth somehow. 'Your mum and I were a couple. We're not anymore.'

'What happened?'

'Well, I'm pregnant, Abi. It changes things.'

'You're pregnant?' she repeated. 'From the rape?'

Sheelagh nodded. 'I'm two months gone.'

'So what's the problem?' Aren't you happy about it or something?'

'No, I'm happy.' She looked down as she waited for the young mother to comprehend the statement. It didn't take long.

'What did she say?' Abi's voice was shaking and Belinda was starting to stir. 'She wants you to have an abortion?'

'She wouldn't ask me to do that, Abi. She just doesn't think she'd love the child, she thinks she can't.'

'But that's rubbish!'

'Abi!' Sheelagh gestured to a grizzling Belinda. 'Here, let me take her.'

Once her daughter had settled, this time in Sheelagh's arms, Abi continued, 'She's being stupid. It was you he raped, if you can love his child she should be able to. Hugh's Belinda's father but I don't see that when I look at her. She's just my daughter.'

'I think your mum's problem is she's too sensitive.' As Abi snorted, Sheelagh pressed ahead. 'No, she is. The trouble is she's kept everything professional for so long that when something like this happens- falling in love, I mean- she begins to take everything to heart. I can actually understand where she's coming from, she feels too much for me to let Gabriel win and she thinks that's what'll be happening.'

'I can't believe how ridiculous she's being.'

'Listen, Abi. I don't want you to argue with your mum over this, you need each other right now.'

'And what about you?' Abigail questioned. 'Who have you got?'

'My baby,' Sheelagh answered. 'I'll be fine.'


	31. Mother and daughter

A/N: I'd say you know Abi pretty well then, Strange1! A lot like her mother really. And Claire, kiss and make up? Did I make some promises I wasn't aware of?

* * *

'Okay, Abi, what's wrong?' Sam queried, giving up on unpacking various baby clothes to look at her daughter on the other side of the living room. 'You've hardly said a word since I picked you up.'

'Nothing, I'm fine,' Abi muttered unconvincingly.

'Maybe it's just events catching up with you. It can all be a bit of a shock afterwards.'

'It's not shock, Mum, okay?'

Sam frowned. 'Then what?'

'Sheelagh came to see me yesterday.'

Resuming her unpacking she quietly considered just what Sheelagh might have told her daughter. Surely an edited version of events? 'Really?'

'You're not even going to ask how she is?'

'What did she tell you?'

'Only what I didn't know.'

'Which was..?' Sam prompted nervously.

'I knew about you and her, okay? I'm not an idiot.'

'We were going to tell you at some point.'

'It doesn't matter now though, does it?' Abi questioned, confirming her mother's suspicions that she had indeed got the full story. 'How could you just leave her like that?'

She didn't need this from her own daughter, she really didn't. 'It's not your concern, Abi. What happened between me and Sheelagh stays between the two of us.'

'Even if you're being a complete prat?'

'Hey! I'm still your mother, you know.'

'Can hardly forget it can I?' Abi replied bitterly. 'I'm actually amazed you let Belinda in the house, considering who her father is.'

'Alright!' Sam slammed down the pair of booties she'd been trying to force out of their container and looked at her daughter. 'I've had enough of this. I don't know what Sheelagh told you but I'm doing what's best for everyone.'

'You're falling on your own sword. It's ridiculous.'

'I'm sorry you feel that way.'

Abi frowned. 'You don't care do you? She loves you and you couldn't give a damn!'

'You don't know what you're talking about.'

'Be honest, Mum!'

From upstairs a wail echoed. Eager to escape, Sam stood. 'I'll go.'

'No,' Abi said immediately. 'Don't want you resenting her now do we?'

Left in the living room, Sam collapsed back onto the sofa, barely resisting beating it to a pulp. Briefly, she wondered where Sheelagh was, if she was alright. She quickly pushed the thought away, it was too painful. Closing her eyes against the world, she tried to blank it all out but all that was swimming at the back of her eyelids was a picture of Sheelagh. Somehow she thought nothing was going to change that.

* * *

'Everything alright?'

Sheelagh glanced up momentarily from the small television screen as Gina came into the office. 'Yes, Ma'am.'

'I heard CID had got you sifting through CCTV.'

'Mmm, this is what I can look forward to for the next six months.'

'As long as the two of you are healthy,' Gina answered. 'So, how are you?'

'No, I haven't spoken to Sam and I don't think it's on the cards.'

'Sheelagh,' the Inspector said slowly. 'If you gave her a chance she'd reconsider.'

'Are we discussing the same person here?'

'You're both as bad as each other, you know that?'

'Mmm...' Thankfully, something started stirring on the CCTV tapes causing Sheelagh to pay full attention again. 'There! Those two match the description Tony got and they're coming from the right direction.' She looked at her boss. 'I better get this to Suzie.'

'Yeah, course.'

* * *

'Sam!' Phil looked up as she strolled into CID, trying to appear as nonchalant as possible. 'Thought Abi was coming home today?'

'I think she wants some time alone with the baby, understandable really.'

'Yeah, well, congratulations. Must be nice to be a...'

'I wouldn't go there, Phil,' she interrupted warningly.

He laughed. 'Fair enough. How are you though?'

'Erm, relieved actually. I was sure something would go wrong.' A small voice muttered that it really had. 'No, I'm fine.'

'Good. Well, if Abi don't want you at home how about a drink, to celebrate?'

Or sorrow-drown? 'Yeah, why not?'

'Great. I'll see you after work then.'

She forced her most convincing smile. 'Good.'

As she turned to sit down something in the opposite corner of the room caught her eye. Sheelagh talking to Suzie Sim. What could she do? Sitting, she tried to focus on her computer screen but her eyes kept flicking involuntarily back towards the two officers. Either Sheelagh was completely disinterested in her or she was doing a remarkable job of hiding her intrigue. Whatever, Sam was sure Suzie was gaining full attention. Trying again to focus, she couldn't help glancing over from time to time but still to no reaction. Finally, Sheelagh made her way to the exit which, of course, was right beside Sam. As she walked past her perfume drifted over. But nothing else.

* * *

Leaning heavily against the cubicle door Sheelagh tried to control the tears that were itching to flow. It wasn't just hormones- though thankfully that was an excuse she could use- it was seeing Samantha again which had opened up a whole can of worms.

Of course, she'd known they'd meet, it was a small station, but not for a few more days. From what Abi had said the previous day she was being discharged from hospital, didn't that mean Sam would want to be at home with her? Unless, Sheelagh realised with a sinking heart, they'd argued over her. Which was a very real possibility considering Abi's feelings about the situation. There was nothing else for it, she'd have to have words with the young mother.


	32. Visiting Belinda

A/N: Honestly, wasn't deliberately being evil and taking my time with this, just struggling a little, that's all. Probably because I'm hating myself right now for splitting them up in the first place. Oh, well. What must be and all.

* * *

'So, what's this kid's name?' Phil questioned as he put the drinks on the table. 'Something decent, I hope. Not Kylie or Britney.'

'No, nothing like that. Belinda Niamh, she went for something nice actually.'

'Niamh?' he repeated. 'Ain't that the name of Sheelagh's daughter?'

It was a miracle he'd remembered, she certainly hadn't expected him to. 'Yeah, well, they've grown close. I think Abi thought it was a nice gesture.'

'It is. I suppose you've heard Sheelagh's news, what with you two being mates and all.'

Her mouth went dry. 'News?'

'Yeah, her pregnancy?' He looked expectantly at her. 'Don't tell me you didn't know.'

'Oh, I knew,' she answered quickly. 'I just didn't think it'd be public news yet.'

'Well, it probably weren't meant to be. Reg Hollis got wind she'd been put on light duties and you know what he's like.'

'Oh, right.'

After a moment he continued, 'I suppose it's Kent's?'

'Don't dig, Phil,' replied Sam as she reached for her drink, realising just in time her hand was shaking. 'Anyway, how are things with you?'

* * *

'Abi, you look awful.'

'Thanks,' the young woman answered dryly as she led Sheelagh into the living room where Belinda was happily gurgling away in a small cot. 'Mum's not here but I guess that's why you came now.'

'Don't sound so bitter towards her,' Sheelagh said as she took a seat among the baby clothes and nappy supplies. 'I'm assuming you've had words?'

Abigail looked up. 'Are you two talking again?'

'I just saw she was working, jumped to a conclusion.'

'Well, I just told her what I thought, that's all. I'm allowed an opinion.'

'Of course you are,' answered Sheelagh. 'But I told you yesterday, I don't want this driving a wedge between you two.'

'She's being unreasonable!'

'She's being true to herself. I wouldn't expect anything less from your mother.'

'I don't think she cares about you at all, you know,' Abi said quietly. 'She's acting like you never existed.'

'It's her way. You should know that better than me.'

'I hate this! She was happy when she was with you. Now she's back to normal.'

Despite her resolve to maintain her brave face Sheelagh felt her grip slipping. 'Listen, you'll need her now, more than you can imagine. Arguing over me isn't going to help.'

The young woman glanced over to her daughter. 'I keep thinking... The way she's treating you is exactly how I thought she'd be over Hugh and Belinda. But she wasn't and I can't understand the difference.'

'Honestly, I don't either. But to her there's a difference, we have to accept that.'

Before Abi could speak Belinda let out a wail. 'Sorry, it's feeding time. I'll grab a bottle.'

As Abigail disappeared into the kitchen Sheelagh picked up the baby, holding her close. 'Are you hungry, little one? Mummy won't be long.' Looking in Belinda's eyes she found them the exact shade of green that Sam's were. 'You're a lucky little girl, not that you know it yet. But you'll be so loved, I promise you.'

'You're good with her,' said Abi from the doorway. 'Do you want to feed her?'

Sheelagh smiled. 'I suppose I need to get back into the swing of it. You go put the kettle on, we'll be fine.'

Once Abigail had gone again she settled on the sofa, Belinda gurgling happily as she ate. It was like riding a bike, Sheelagh supposed, looking after children wasn't something you could forget. That was why grandparents made such good childminders.

A few minutes later, just as Belinda was showing signs of tiredness, keys turned in the front door. Sam, undoubtably. Abi came back in as male laughter echoed around the house. At a guess Sheelagh would specify it was Phil Hunter.

It turned out she was right as both he and Sam came into the room. The detective's smile faded as she took in the scene while Abi seemed to be concentrating on holding her glare towards her mother. Phil, obviously, didn't feel anything was wrong. Sheelagh quickly stood, being careful of Belinda in her arms. 'Hi.'

Sam was obviously struggling to maintain the impartial face that she thought she needed. 'Sheelagh. What are you doing here?'

'She came to see me and Belinda,' Abi put in quickly. 'That's allowed, isn't it?'

'Abi,' Sheelagh warned before looking back to Sam. 'I just thought I'd pop in.'

'Fine,' answered Sam though she still looked like she'd swallowed a lemon. 'That's fine.'

Phil, naturally, was completely oblivious. 'This the little one is it?'

'How'd you work it out?' Abi mumbled so quietly that Sheelagh was positive only she heard.

Taking control the way she did best, Samantha moved forward to take her granddaughter. Inevitably, their arms brushed and Sheelagh looked up, meeting eyes with her ex. For a moment everything was like it had been only a week earlier then Belinda squealed and turned into the barrier between them.

Moving away quickly, Sheelagh tried her best with a smile. 'I better be going.'

'Don't leave on my account,' said Phil.

'No, I really should.'

He shrugged. 'Okay. Oh, I hear congratulations are in order.'

She glanced at Sam questioningly. 'Pardon?'

'Reg got hold of it,' supplied Sam softly.

'Oh, I didn't know. Well, I really have to...'

'Thanks for coming, Sheelagh,' Abi said, smiling apologetically.

'I'll see you again. Bye, Phil, Sam.'

Not waiting for a reaction she escaped into the hallway. Just as she reached the front door a voice behind her said, 'Sheelagh?'

Though all she wanted was to get out of there, she turned. 'I didn't mean to cause any trouble.'

Sam shook her head. 'You didn't. How are you?'

'I don't like light duties, I can tell you that.'

'It's for your own good.'

'If I'd wanted to sit at a desk I'd have become an accountant.' Realising how formal she sounding, Sheelagh smiled to soften the effect. 'I should go.'

'Come by anytime. You're more than welcome.'

'Thanks.'


	33. The truth and Phil

A/N: Especially for you, Trixie, have a nice holiday!

* * *

'Morning,' Sam said cheerfully as Abigail came into the kitchen, looking as tired as she had every day recently. Of course, it was understandable given the little bundle which had taken to screaming the house down at three o'clock in the morning but try as she might Sam wasn't able to help her daughter. Abi had resolutely refused to let her anywhere near Belinda, in fact, the only time she even got to hold her granddaughter was when Abigail was asleep. It was cutting into her though she was trying her best not to show it. 'Bad night?'

'No more than usual,' her daughter answered reaching for the fresh pile of toast on the table. 'Are you out again tonight?'

'Possibly.'

'Phil again, is it?' Abi asked disdainfully.

'Is there a problem with that?' Sam questioned, sounding, she knew, the slightest bit confrontational. Well, the situation was getting ridiculous. Abi barely talked unless it was to pass judgement on the platonic relationship with Phil, it was irritating and bordering on infuriating.

'It's nothing to do with me, is it? I just thought since you've been out with him almost every night for the last month you might have something to tell me.'

'It's not like that, Abi, I've told you a dozen times.'

She snorted. 'Phil Hunter, with his reputation? You've told me all about that, the way he treats women. You can't honestly tell me that's not why you two have been going out.'

'I've explained, there's nothing else I can do.'

'You could start looking at yourself! You're a mess, Mum, and you have been since you split up with Sheelagh. Going out with DS Smarmy-Pants isn't going to change that.'

Sam scraped back her chair. 'I've got to go to work.'

'Oh, that's right! Run off like you always do.'

'I have to work, Abi!'

'Yeah, keep telling yourself that. When it starts to hurt let me know.'

* * *

'Sheelagh, are you okay? You look... green.'

'You should try morning sickness, Sarge.'

Smithy grimaced. 'Yeah, alright. You well enough to be working?'

'I'll cope. I just wouldn't get too close, that's all.'

'Fair enough.'

As he continued down the corridor Sheelagh started walking, stopped and pushed open the door she'd just come out of.

Leaning against the wall, she wondered if she'd been a little hasty with Smithy. There was feeling bad and there was feeling how she was then, there was quite a leap between them. Being at home would be the more sensible option but it wasn't the one she was going to take. Home wasn't somewhere she wanted to be, at least not alone. Far too many thoughts swam in her head at times such as those.

In fact, she took every available opportunity so she wouldn't have to be at home whether it was family visiting or late working. It was just a case of deciding which diversionary tactic would be used that evening. It had been over a month since she'd seen Abigail and Belinda, paying them a visit would be an idea. Even if it wasn't technically a diversion given that Abi was close to the root of the problem but Sheelagh did actually want to check on Sam, just out of interest.

* * *

'I'm sure that landlord reckons we're drug dealers or something,' Phil said as he brought the drinks over to what now passed as their regular table. 'We'll have half of Sun Hill's finest swooping in on us.'

'Didn't think Sun Hill had any finest,' Sm commented as she took a sip of her drink.

'Well, there's Sheelagh Murphy,' he answered and, as Sam looked up, she realised he was trying to gauge her reaction to the statement. Interesting. 'Course, she's on light duties so maybe not.'

Unsure what to say about that since she was confused as to where it had come from, she stayed silent, using her drink as an excuse.

After a moment he seemed to completely change subject. 'How are things at home?'

'Abi's still treating me like a leper,' she replied. 'I've actually got used to it.'

'Yeah? Well, I can understand where she's coming from, Sam. I reckon you do too.'

'Sorry, Phil, but you don't know the whole situation.'

'I do, as it happens.'

Almost choking, she looked up. 'What?'

He shrugged lightly. 'That daughter of yours has a way with words. Might've been scared if she wasn't seventeen.'

'I'm not sure what you mean, you've talked to Abi?'

'Don't come the innocent, Sam, she told me everything. Called me lunchtime.'

Closing her eyes briefly, she said, 'She was out of line, I'm sorry.'

'You ain't denying it.'

'Well, I don't know what she said.'

Phil took a leisurely sip of his drink. 'Sheelagh Murphy's name cropped up.'

'I imagine it would.'

He leaned forward. 'How about telling me the whole story, Sam?'

* * *

'It was nice of you to come round,' Abi said, flopping into the armchair at the other side of the room.

'If you don't mind my saying so,' Sheelagh said tentatively as she glanced as Belinda sleeping in her carry-cot. 'You look exhausted, Abi. How are you sleeping?'

'I'm doing alright,' she answered, the slightest bit defensively.

'No, you're not. You need your rest, isn't your mum helping?'

'No.'

Suddenly, it dawned on Sheelagh. 'Oh, Abi! You promised me you wouldn't do this, you need her support!'

'I'm fine on my own.'

'Sam's here and she wants to be involved!'

'I don't want her having anything to do with Belinda. She'll just poison her.'

'Of course she wouldn't!' The practicalities started to occur to Sheelagh. 'How have you stopped her having contact in such a small space?'

'She knows what I want.'

Despite what she was itching to say, Sheelagh kept it zipped. Abigail onside was what she needed if she was going to change this 'arrangement' in some way. 'I'm not lying when I say you need a break though.'

'I can't afford a sitter.'

'Well, how about a free one?'

'You?' Abi said dubiously.

'Why not? I've got kids of my own, you know. Not to mention one on the way.'

'I don't want to impose on you, Sheelagh. You've got enough on your plate.'

'I want to help. Let me.'

'Well, thanks, then. I appreciate it.'

* * *

'You're very quiet.'

'What do you expect?' Phil asked. 'It's a lot to take in.'

'You said you wanted to know.'

'Yeah, and I'm glad I asked. Least now I know Abi was telling the truth.'

'I'm sorry, Phil.'

He let out a long breath. 'Don't apologise. You said you care about her, can't stand in the way of that, can I?'

Surprised, she looked up. 'You don't think it's terrible?'

'Sam, what you've just told me, you can't apologise for that. You fall for someone, it might not be what's considered normal, alright, but it happens. You've just spent an hour telling me everything about her that you love. What I don't get is why you're talking to me about it. Tell her!'

'It's not that simple,' she answered. 'I can't bring up that kid. And if I was in, I'd be all in, you know?'

'What is it with you, eh, Sam? You make life so damn difficult for yourself.'

'You agree with Abi I suppose?'

'Yes! You love Sheelagh and you'd be able to love her kid, whether it's David Kent's or Daffy Duck's. You're just thinking about it too much.'

She sighed. 'I didn't want to hurt anybody. Sheelagh or the... the baby.'

'And what about you?' he questioned. 'How much is being an idiot gonna hurt you?'

'I can cope.'

'Never thought of you as a coward, Sam.'

As she opened her mouth to argue her phone bleeped on the table. Grateful for the interruption she picked it up and looked at the display. 'It's Sheelagh.'

'Well, answer it,' he prompted. 'Now!'

Complying, she put it to her ear. 'Sheelagh?'

'There's something I thought you should know.'

'What's that?'

'I'm looking after Belinda on Wednesday night. You're welcome to come round and see her.'

'You've been talking to Abi?'

'Yes, I have,' Sheelagh answered. 'I'm picking her up about six, anytime after that'll be fine.'


	34. Babysitting

Looking at Sheelagh's home was making her feel nauseous. It was full of memories for her- mostly good- which seemed to be inwardly attacking. With both Phil and Abi berating her about her actions on the outside it was the last thing she needed.

But, of course, she had to go in. It was non-negotiable.

* * *

Belinda didn't seem to be showing signs of tiredness, all she wanted was rocking back and forth. Sheelagh was more than happy to oblige. At least it meant the little girl would probably be awake when Sam arrived.

Speak of the devil, Sheelagh thought as the doorbell rang. After a quick inner debate she took Belinda into the hallway with her, supposing it would mean a slightly less awkward situation. Opening the door she was pleased to see poorly masked anxiousness on Sam's face- it meant the detective was as apprehensive about the meeting as she was. 'Hi.'

Seeing Belinda instantly brought an incomparable smile to Samantha's face as she came through the door. 'I'd forgotten how gorgeous she is.'

'She's definitely something,' Sheelagh agreed as she handed Belinda over to her grandmother. 'Tea or coffee?'

Sam glanced up. 'Tea, thanks.'

Sheelagh nodded as she went into the kitchen, vaguely hearing Sam cooing behind her. It struck as rather a bittersweet noise. If things had been different then a few months down the line she'd have been fawning over another baby and everything would be... Forcing that away, she concentrated on making the tea. Of course, her mind drifted back to what she'd been doing inviting Sam round in the first place.

It was a clear abuse of Abigail's trust yet she still considered her loyalties to be firmly in Samantha's corner, despite the situation. Abi was reacting to something that wasn't about her and Belinda and Sam suffering because of her irrational behaviour wasn't on.

Sheelagh smiled at her own reasoning. It wasn't difficult to acknowledge she was doing all this for Sam's sake, though she wondered if it was a ploy to get around her on the baby issue. It wasn't a conscious decision but she was astute enough to know it was probably a factor.

Going back into the living room with two mugs she found Sam just stood with Belinda held tight against her. A kind of picture book moment, one Sheelagh didn't want to spy on. 'Tea's up.'

Sam looked over. 'I really appreciate this, Sheelagh. I mean, you more than anybody should be...'

'Don't, Sam,' Sheelagh interrupted. 'I'm a sucker for a happy scene, that's all.'

'It's good of you anyway.'

'What's Abi being like? If you don't mind me asking.'

Shrugging, Sam took a seat. 'Stubborn.'

'Can't think where in the world she gets that from.'

'I know, I know, it's my own fault. But she's got it into her head that...' Sam trailed off.

'It's alright,' Sheelagh said softly. 'I know what she's thinking.'

Sam sighed. 'So many people have been telling me how idiotic I'm being, they assume I don't know. But if there's one thing I've always been able to do it's criticise myself.'

'And usually you're too harsh.'

'No, not this time. I didn't mean to hurt you, Sheelagh. I hope you know that.'

To buy herself time she gulped some rather scalding tea. 'Of course I know that.'

After a minute of silence during which Sam gazed at little Belinda, she finally said, 'You're alright then, both of you?'

The fact that the baby had been included in the query was a good sign. 'Unless you count morning sickness.'

'Oh, I remember that. And the light duties?'

Sheelagh laughed. 'I think I've grown to hate the legal system. And I'll never complain about filling out tax forms again, they'll be a relief.'

'And everything's okay with the baby?'

'Yep. Had my first scan last week, everything's looking good.'

Sam nodded. 'I'm pleased for you.'

'Don't say it like that.'

'Like what?'

'As if we're passing strangers,' Sheelagh answered. 'I can't bear that kind of...'

'Okay, okay,' Sam silenced her. 'But I don't know how I'm supposed to act, you understand that surely.'

'Just be you. I don't need special treatment.'

'You deserve it.'

Clearing her throat, Sheelagh nodded towards Belinda. 'I think she needs changing.'

Sam sniffed a little. 'Does she?'

'If you can't smell that you've got a problem.'

After a moment she smiled sheepishly. 'Sorry, I thought that was the curry I had earlier.'

Laughing, Sheelagh reached for the bag Abi had left. 'Well, good luck.'

Sam looked alarmed. 'No, wait! I mean, it's been a while since I've... Point me in the right direction, so to speak.'

'If you need me to tell you that...' Sheelagh quipped then took pity. 'Oh, alright.'

A few minutes later they were almost done, after several grimaces from Samantha. Sheelagh found it all incredibly amusing though she was also wondering what Abigail's first years had been like if her mother was so bad at nappy-changing.

As she pulled the little trousers over the clean nappy Sheelagh addressed Belinda. 'I'm sorry, darling. It's not my fault you've got a hopeless case for a...'

'Don't finish that sentence,' Sam warned.

Sheelagh looked at her innocently. 'Sorry, are you sensitive about it or something?'

Sam shrugged. 'It's just if you were planning on living, that's all.'

Placing Belinda in the carry-cot, Sheelagh stood. 'Your tea's gone cold. Do you want another?'

Glancing once at her granddaughter, Sam nodded and followed her into the kitchen, leaning against the counter. 'I don't like going behind Abi's back, you know. It's just I don't believe I'm living in the same house as that kid and not having anything to do with her.'

'How does that work exactly?' Sheelagh asked. 'Does Abigail set an alarm or something?'

'Well, I wouldn't put it past her. No, she's threatened to move out if I don't respect her wishes so...'

'Realistically, where would she go?'

'Oh, believe me, she'd find somewhere. I know Abi, she won't let this one go.'

'I have tried talking to her, Sam. I didn't want this.'

'None of us did,' the detective answered wistfully. 'But it's not your fault. I'm the failure here.'

Sheelagh shook her head. 'You're not a failure.'

'In Abi's eyes.' Sam glanced to the floor. 'And mine.'

'What am I going to do with you?' Sheelagh asked as she rinsed the mugs out. 'You won't get through to Abi unless you stop arguing with yourself. And you know that so you're better off just getting on with it.'

'I miss you, Sheelagh.'

'Yeah, me too,' she replied quietly. 'But we... It's difficult.'

'Everything always is.'

'That's very philosophical of you,' Sheelagh said in an attempt to lighten the mood. 'Out of the ordinary, some might say.'

'Well, I've had plenty of time to come up with cheesy one-liners.'

'Let me be the first to tell you you've got too much time on your hands.'

'If I work anymore they'll charging me rent.'

Sheelagh smiled. 'Um, listen, I promised Abi I'd bath Belinda before I took her back. Would you like to do the honours?'

The face lit up. 'I'd love to.'

For the next half hour Sheelagh sat trying in vain to read a book while splashes and giggles drifted down the stairs. She was too busy thinking about what Sam had said in the kitchen to concentrate on the text in any detail.

I miss you.

Those three words should have changed everything between them. Any self-respecting romance film would have that as the moment that came before a passionate reconciliation but it wasn't a film, it was real life. Problems weren't fixed that easily, minds couldn't be changed due to a moment of truth. If Sam still had her reservations about the baby... Well, that was that.

'Now, I'm trying to work out whether you were trying to punish me or not.'

Looking to the doorway she barely stopped her laughter. Belinda was dry as a bone and dressed again but Sam was splattered with enough water to fill a medium sized paddling pool. 'You weren't supposed to join her.'

'Here, take her.' Sam held out the baby for Sheelagh to accept. 'I think she'll fall asleep any minute.'

Watching Belinda's eyelids open and close a few times, she nodded. 'It won't be long. Look, you can't go home like that, it's freezing out there. Get something from my wardrobe.'

'Sheelagh, I...'

'Did I give the impression that was a suggestion?'

Sam took that in and turned straight away. 'Nope, you didn't.'

Once the footsteps had reached the top of the stairs Sheelagh placed Belinda back in her carry-cot and quickly packed the back Abi had sent along. It was regrettable but it was nearing nine and any later might alert Abigail to the situation.

When Sam came back down ten minutes later she was a little dryer in a green blouse that really brought out her eyes. 'I feel better now thanks.'

Sheelagh nodded. 'Good. Well, I hate to do this and it does sound stupid since you two live together but...'

'You have to take her home,' Sam supplied. 'It's okay, I understand. I'll go for a walk before I go home so Abi doesn't suspect.'

'Thanks. I don't want her thinking I betrayed her.'

After kneeling down to kiss her granddaughter Sam stood back up. 'Will there be a next time?'

'If I have anything to do with it.'

Sam seemed to want to say something spectacular but she held back, instead moving for the door. 'I'll get the clothes back to you tomorrow.'

'There's no rush.'

As the front door closed Sheelagh looked to Belinda- asleep and at ease with the world. If only everybody was that easy to please.


	35. Nick Danes

A/N: I promise I'm not deliberately taking my time with this, why would I take pleasure in making you wait? Okay, don't answer that. Might be crossing into evil again. Sorry, Claire. As for the query about the number of chapters, I don't know. I'm kind of winging it at the moment but there will be a few more at least.

* * *

'Are you gonna tell me what happened last night or what? Phil questioned as he sat at his desk. 'You've been in a mood all morning.'

Sam glanced up for a moment. 'There's nothing to tell. I spent some time with Belinda, end of.'

'You're kidding me, yeah? You spent half the night with Sheelagh and nothing happened?'

'You've got a sordid mind, Phil.'

'I didn't mean that. You didn't talk to her or anything?'

'This isn't something I want to discuss.'

Shrugging, he picked up his jacket and made for the door. 'It's a kid, Sam. Not a rabid dog.'

Once he'd left and she had the chance to focus back on the computer screen Sam found she couldn't. The day she started listening to what Phil Hunter had to say was the day she'd promised to shoot herself but he was talking sense. As were Abigail and Gina.

While they'd been changing Belinda's nappy the previous evening Sam had got a startling glimpse of what her future with Sheelagh would be like. And despite the abundance of brown stuff in the vision it was a happy one. They'd be woken at three o'clock, either by their baby or Belinda, she would do the honours, more rest for Sheelagh. It was the happy family unit she'd secretly craved for years. But there was a glitch. When she pictured herself holding the baby, she couldn't look at it, she couldn't bear to.

She tried acknowledging what Phil and Abi had been trying to drum into- it was a baby, nothing else. And she remembered what Sheelagh had said at the hospital about Glen Weston being Abi's father, it didn't make her a monster. Just because David Kent was the baby's dad it didn't mean the child would be the image of the father, not with love around it. And if the baby had a huge dollop of Sheelagh in it, how could she not love it?

* * *

'Sheelagh!'

Seeing DI Manson charging towards her was the slightest bit intimidating so she was quick to stand, forgetting all about her lukewarm coffee she'd been toying with for half an hour. 'Sir?'

'You arrested a man a couple of months ago, Clive Carmichael?'

'Yes, it was Roger and me. He's a small time drug dealer, at least that's what we suspected, we couldn't prove anything because he was clean.'

'You arrested him on suspicion of drug dealing?' Manson questioned.

'We saw him consorting with Jeff Gibson, it seemed reason enough to bring him in.'

'But you didn't find anything?'

'Not that I recall. Why, what's he done?'

'We think he's moved into arms, we got his name and a partial location from a kid we arrested, blew his own finger off with a converted weapon.'

'Seems a leap from drugs to converted guns,' Sheelagh commented uncertainly.

'Well, the boy was understandably upset, I don't think he'd lie.'

'No, probably not. What do you want from me?'

'I need you with us,' answered Manson. 'Roger's on a shout and you're the only one who can give us a positive ID.'

'I'm supposed to be staying in the station, Sir.'

'One trip won't make a difference. Suzie and I'll meet you in the car park.'

As he disappeared she realised she didn't have much of a choice in the matter. Besides, it might be nice to get out for a while.

* * *

'Gina, have you seen Sheelagh?'

The Inspector looked up from whatever she was typing. 'Not since this morning, she's around though.'

'Okay, thanks.'

'Oi, oi,' Gina stopped her before she could escape. 'You don't get away that easy. Am I to assume you've come to your senses then?'

Sam shrugged. 'Assume what you want.'

'Well, Sheelagh will be pleased.'

Forgetting her supposed air of indifference, she moved further into the office. 'You don't think I've left it too late do you?'

'I doubt it, not with the way she feels about you. I think she'd have waited a lot longer than a month.'

'It shouldn't have taken me that long.'

'Sam,' Gina said slowly. 'You do want the whole thing don't you? The baby, the whole shebang?'

'Of course. I can't have Sheelagh without the baby and, you know, the idea's started to grow on me.'

'What, screaming day and night? Rather you than me.'

'I'm serious, Gina. What's so strange about the idea?'

'Trying to tell you that now would be pointless.'

* * *

Well, she could think of more exciting people to be stuck in a car with. While she was willing to accept DI Manson and DC Sim were good at their jobs they had the conversation skills of a pair of poisonous snakes. It seemed everything Sam had said about the DI being an idiot was true despite how she'd ridiculed it at the time. Call it naivety but she'd assumed social skills were as important as police ability in rising through the ranks. Perhaps she'd been wrong.

'Sheelagh.' Manson snapped her from her thoughts as he indicated a couple of men converging under the archway ahead. Though their own car was parked well back under the shade of a tree and it was fairly safe to assume they couldn't be seen Sheelagh found herself shrinking back a little. 'Do you recognise either of them?'

'Yes,' she answered immediately. 'The one on the left, it's Clive Carmichael.'

'You're positive?'

'A hundred percent, Sir.'

'Right. What about the other one, any ideas?'

Taking a proper look, she shook her head. 'Sorry, no.'

'I think I recognise him, Guv.' Ah, Suzie had a voice after all! 'Nick Danes, small-time shoplifter. A few convictions, no prison sentences.'

Manson nodded. 'Well, if we're right and Carmichael has taken an interest in firearms, I'd say this Danes is moving into armed robbery.'

Suzie strained her eyes. 'I wonder what's in the bag.'

'Probably the gun.'

'Should we get them now do you think?'

The DI seemed to be considering it until he glanced into the backseat. 'No, call some uniform in. Have them pick up the pair separately when they leave here.'

'Guv,' Suzie answered as she picked up the radio.

For a few minutes Carmichael and Danes talked until a siren wailed in the distance. It was only an ambulance but it rattled Danes who grabbed the bag, pushed an envelope into Carmichael's hands then ran into the shadow of the archway.

As Carmichael disappeared also, Manson rolled down his window to see where Danes had got to. A second later an engine revved and a blue wreck of a car sped out from the arch.

'He's heading this way!' Manson quickly rolled the window back up. 'Get down.'

'No, Guv,' Suzie said. 'We've been spotted.'

Glancing at the car Nick Danes was in Sheelagh saw DC Sim was right. For a moment he just looked a terrified boy then he hardened. The next thing she registered the car was speeding towards them.

'Get out now!' Manson instructed as he and Suzie abandoned ship.

Feeling slightly panicked Sheelagh reached for the door handle, almost screaming when it jammed. A quick jangle and it came loose but as she looked up she saw Nick Danes bearing down on her. Without thinking, she forced the door and threw herself onto the grass as far away from the car as possible.

A moment later she felt both cars explode but her mind was on a much more important matter as Suzie came to help. 'My baby...'

* * *

The search had been a fruitless one, though talking to almost every officer in the station meant her promised caseload had doubled and she was fairly sure she'd agreed to dinner with an eager probationer. Oh, well, it couldn't be helped.

Finally, she returned to her desk on the basis that eyebrows would definitely be raised if she, the great detective, didn't do some work at some point. The trouble was that Phil and Gina were steamrolling out of CID as she approached and heading for her. 'Is everything alright?'

One close look at Gina's face gave her the answer.

'It's Sheelagh, isn't it?'

The Inspector nodded. 'You need to get to the hospital.'

'What is it, is she alright?'

'She was out with the DI and Suzie,' Phil answered. 'We don't know anything else.'

'Okay, okay. I have to get there.'

'I'll come with you.'

'No,' Gina said quickly. 'I'll take you.'


	36. Flaring anger

A/N: Mean, Claire? Me?

* * *

Why was it that when you were desperate to get somewhere every set of traffic lights turned against you and every idiot on the road decided to settle in your area? 

The only reason Sam was pondering this mystery was because she was inwardly seizing up and concentrating on anything apart form the image of Sheelagh lying broken which was swarming around her brain was a good thing. Gina in the driver's seat was constantly muttering under her breath about the state of the traffic, saying how many of them she wanted to arrest on the spot. It was just a ploy to stem the thoughts of Sheelagh and Sam was grateful.

Finally, though, as they neared the hospital she allowed her mind to head into the uncomfortable territory. 'What am I going to do if something's happened to the baby?'

Gina glanced sideways. 'Don't talk like that. For all we know they're both perfectly fine, Suzie just wasn't specific.'

'Sheelagh won't cope,' Sam continued as if Gina hadn't spoken. 'And she won't want anything to do with me since she thinks I don't want the baby. She'll say I've just changed my mind because of the accident.'

'Sam, it's pointless doing this to yourself. Just be patient.'

It never had been a word in her vocabulary, the chances of it being added now were low. Right until Gina pulled up in the car park she was examining the worst-case scenario, almost convincing herself that was the true situation. As she rushed into the foyer she realised she didn't have a clue where she was headed. Time for some real action.

* * *

'No, you listen to me. You're going to let me in there or I'm going to find something in this hospital and pin it on you.' 

Sheelagh shook her head at the familiar voice drifting through the curtains as the young doctor beside her grimaced uncomfortably. 'It's fine, let her in.'

'Are you sure? Do you know her?'

'Unfortunately, yes. And believe me, it'll make things easier on your nurses.'

The doctor still seemed to think it was like letting the lion into the enclosure but complied, pulling back the curtain to reveal Samantha being restrained by a young nurse and a burly security guard. Sam took advantage, squeezing past and sitting quickly at the bedside. 'Are you okay? What about the..?'

'If you're quiet for half a minute we were just about to find out.'

'You mean you don't know yet? Why aren't you hyperventilating or something?'

'I am,' she admitted as Sam took her hand. Looking to the doctor, she questioned, 'Can we get this over with?'

Nodding, the young woman finished prepping the machine, lifting up Sheelagh's shirt. 'This gel's cold.'

She barely felt it, she was concentrating on the blank screen and squeezing Sam's fingers tightly. 'It's fine.'

'Okay. Let's see what we've got.'

A few seconds later the screen flashed into life. Watching the image made her breath catch, nothing was moving. 'What's wrong?'

'Um...' Suddenly, a little pulsating blob spurted at the top of the screen. 'That's the heartbeat! I think we're okay.'

Sheelagh let out her breath, glancing to see who seemed to be crying. 'Are you okay?'

'All the way here I was thinking the worst. I was sure it was bad news.'

As the doctor made a discreet exit Sheelagh felt there was something she had to set straight. 'Did you want that?'

Sam shook her head. 'I suppose I deserved that. But last night I realised something, I think it was between the baby poo and the bath, I love you, Sheelagh. And you're having a baby. I've been looking at it as a solid wall, it's not. It's an opportunity for us, if you'll let me take it that is.'

'Sam, have you really thought about this? Is it a knee-jerk reaction to finding out I was in here?'

'I was trying to find you when you went and got yourself mixed up in this.'

'I'm sorry.'

'I should be the one apologising. How ridiculous have I been?'

'If I tried answering that we'd be here all day,' Sheelagh smiled. 'But I need you to be sure.'

Sam leaned forward to kiss her. 'I'm sure, I promise you. Now, what the hell were you doing out in that car?'

'It doesn't matter,' she tried then took in the look on Samantha's face- apparently it did. 'The DI needed my input and I was happy to get out for a while.'

'It was his fault?'

'It was Nick Danes' fault, Sam! Him driving a car at us was the real problem.'

'You wouldn't have been out at all if it hadn't been for Manson. Did he even wait to see if you were alright?'

Sheelagh sighed. 'Do we have to do this? I would like to enjoy you apologising for a while before the interrogation.'

'Sorry, I'm just...'

'You. And I'm not complaining too much.'

Sam smiled. 'Listen, I've got something to do but I'll be back. Don't even think about going anywhere.'

'Where are you going?' she asked quickly, noticing the gleam in her eye.

'Just to pick something up at work, I won't be long.'

Before Sheelagh could protest Sam was out of the ward. Shaking her head, she wondered what she was up to, something stupid no doubt. A few moments later another familiar figure came through the curtain. 'Gina, hi.'

The Inspector smiled a little. 'I just got run over by Samantha.'

'She didn't mention where she was going did she?'

'I think I caught something about killing the DI. I wouldn't worry about it.'

'Right,' she answered uncertainly.

* * *

'Guv!' Sam barged into the office without waiting for a reply to her extremely courteous knock. 'Can I talk to you?' 

He looked up, the irritation more than evident. 'I'm in the middle of something actually.'

'Oh?' she questioned innocently. 'Putting more pregnant PC's in harms way?'

'If you're referring to Sheelagh Murphy...'

'Yes, I am. Do you want to know how she is? Or how her baby is? If there is still a baby.'

'I'm not sure what your position is in the situation.'

'Sheelagh and I are partners. You might have upset me slightly by almost killing my family.'

For a minute he looked as though he was trying to process the statement, he still didn't appear half as guilty as he should've though. 'I didn't realise you two were an item.'

'Why would you?'

'Obviously, I understand why you're upset but venting your anger on me won't help matters.'

She kept her voice steady. 'It won't help my career, I'm sure of that. But it's helping me.'

He frowned, she guessed he was trying to anticipate where she was heading. 'How is she then?'

'Alive.'

'And the baby?'

'Alive. No thanks to you.'

'Now, listen, Samantha...'

'No,' she interrupted. 'You could've phoned the hospital if you'd wanted to know they were alright. I'm assuming this piece of paper, whatever it is, holds some vital information, your tax returns maybe. Enough importance to warrant you ignoring the safety of a woman you put at risk.'

'You better reconsider your tone here, Sam,' he said, obviously trying to exert his authority.

'Pulling rank, Neil? Wouldn't expect anything else. Did you arrest the men you needed to?'

'There wasn't much left of Nick Danes. But we got Clive Carmichael, he's looking at a hefty sentence.'

'As long as you've made an arrest. I suppose that has to look good.'

'Samantha, I'm not having this!'

Finally, her temper was slipping from her grasp. 'She could've died! What were you doing taking a pregnant woman out on the streets?'

'It's a result! And she's fine!'

'That makes it alright?'

'It means we haven't lost anybody.'

'And if you had?'

'We didn't!'

Spotting a hefty book on the filing cabinet beside her she picked it up, aiming directly at his head.


	37. Suspension

A/N: Don't know, Gem, the attempted murders always cheer me up a bit though! Good to have you back, Trixie, hope you had a nice break. As for you, Claire, you might have hit on something with Abi... Till next time, guys.

* * *

'You fractured his jaw?'

'He did it himself! He shouldn't have ducked.'

Despite herself, Sheelagh found a smile slipping onto her face. 'You really shouldn't have done that.'

Sam was grinning too. 'Probably not.'

'Is he alright?'

'It's only a tiny fracture. He still bit through the pain to suspend me.'

Until then the thought hadn't occurred to her. 'Oh, no. This is all my fault.'

'Sheelagh, it doesn't matter!'

Staring at her, she wondered just where DS Nixon had got to. While this personality transplant was all well and good, it was starting to concern her a little. First there was the change of heart regarding the baby, a choice Sheelagh herself was overjoyed with, it was just it had happened so suddenly. Though Gina had confirmed Sam had already changed her mind before the car accident it still seemed convenient timing- part of her wondered slightly whether the baby surviving wasn't in Sam's game plan. Then there was this flippancy towards a suspension, it didn't seem right at all. 'Is everything okay?'

'Of course!' When Sheelagh failed to continue Sam's smile faded a little. 'What's wrong?'

'This is just all very sudden.'

'I thought... Did I take too long?'

'No, it's nothing like that. I'm just concerned. Don't get me wrong, if this is really what you want then I'm delighted but I just...'

Sam cut her off with a deep kiss. 'I don't care about the suspension, it means I can look after you for a while. You might not believe me, you've got the right, but I truly want this. I think I did all along. I was just being a pathetic kid and I really am sorry.'

Heartfelt, what she needed to hear. 'I wasn't trying to be awkward, you know.'

'Well, that's my job, isn't it? Now, did the doctor give you the all-clear?'

'She said I could go anytime.'

'Good. You're coming to stay with us.'

Sheelagh raised an eyebrow. 'Do I have a choice?'

'Only if you make the right decision.'

* * *

What she'd failed to mention to Sheelagh was the look on Manson's face as he'd clutched his jaw. Perhaps it had struck him as an opportunity to get rid of her but whatever it was she was almost certain he'd press charges. So he'd get his wish of ending her career then.

Across in the passenger seat Sheelagh had her eyes closed, a satisfied smile on her lips. Somehow that made things better. Even if she found herself with no job to speak of she could cope, watching her family grow would do her. But she couldn't tell that to Sheelagh, she wouldn't be believed. Yet was it any wonder given how badly she'd acted recently?'

Drawing up outside the house Sam placed a hand on her partner's knee. 'We're here.'

Sheelagh opened her eyes. 'What do you think Abi'll say?'

"About time' probably,' she smiled. 'Well, she thinks I've been a fool so she'll have some choice words but she wants you around. Can't think why.'

After kissing her lightly Sheelagh frowned. 'Sam, I don't want her knowing about last night. I feel like I betrayed her trust letting you see Belinda and... Can we keep it quiet?'

'I was thinking the same thing actually. Why make waves?'

'I appreciate it. And hopefully things'll get back to normal.'

'That might imply they were normal to begin with,' Sam answered. 'And this is me remember.'

'How could I forget?'

'Are you ready?'

Sheelagh nodded. 'Yep.'

Abi was definitely in, Sam discovered that as the sound of crying echoed before they had time to close the front door. It wasn't a surprise that her daughter didn't shout a greeting, reaching behind her she took Sheelagh's hand before going into the living.

Belinda was in the middle of being changed so Sam cleared her throat. 'Hi, Abi.'

The young mother didn't look up straight away, instead trying in vain to stop her daughter from wriggling around. When she did though her jaw almost dropped. 'Sheelagh! What's going on?'

'There was an accident,' Sam said quickly. 'She'll be staying with us for a while.'

'What kind of accident?'

'I'll tell you all about it in the kitchen,' Sheelagh offered, squeezing Sam's hand.

'What about..?'

'I'll do it,' Sam volunteered.

Abi looked dubious. 'You can't change nappies, Mum.'

'You'd be surprised.'

'She'll be fine, Abi,' Sheelagh added. 'Come on.'

As the duo disappeared Belinda let out a small cry just to remind someone she was still around. Kneeling down, Sam tried to recall everything Sheelagh had laughingly explained the previous evening, though it felt a little like a lifetime ago. 'We're going to have some fun, you and me,' she whispered as she reached for the baby wipes.

* * *

'So Mum just turned up at the hospital?'

'Well, you know what she's like, barrelling in, all guns blazing.'

'You're back together then?' Abi asked hopefully.

'Apparently.'

'You don't sound happy about it.'

'Oh, Abi, don't think that. I am but...'

'You're scared she doesn't mean it?'

'I'm terrified she thinks she means it.'

A slight cough from the doorway alerted Sheelagh to Sam's presence. 'I think she wants her mum, Abi.'

After glancing at Sheelagh the young mother nodded, leaving the kitchen in silence.

Sheelagh was a little reluctant to look up as Sam sat down but she forced herself. 'You're not covered in anything this time.'

'I had a teacher.'

'At least you realise it.'

'You look tired, why don't you get some sleep?'

Nodding, she stood. 'I think I will.'

Sam also got to her feet, pulling her into a hug. 'Everything's going to be fine.'

As much as she wanted to hear that it still struck her as an untruth. Burying her face in Sam's hair to dry her sudden tears, Sheelagh composed herself before pulling away and kissing her girlfriend briefly. 'I know.'


	38. Diplomatic persuasion

A/N: Back guys! And I warn you, going off to uni this weekend and while I'm likely to be treated as a leper and still be able to write as much you might have to be patient till I get my new connection sorted. Have no fear! I will be back! Can't leave it at this after all...

* * *

Glancing at Sheelagh fast asleep Sam finished getting dressed and quietly left the room.

The house was silent. Checking Abi's room she found both her daughter and granddaughter dead to the world so she crept down to the kitchen, sticking the kettle on.

Once she was settled at the table with a steaming mug of coffee she had a chance to contemplate everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours from her reconciliation with Sheelagh to the disastrous confrontation with Manson then the overheard conversation which had told her Sheelagh's fears. It was no real surprise Sheelagh didn't trust her after all that had happened. Everything that had bound them together after the rape had been ripped apart, some parts of the relationship would never be regained. Knowing exactly what she'd be doing she'd walked calmly out of that hospital room leaving behind someone else but some of herself also. It was no surprise Sheelagh couldn't trust her when she couldn't herself.

'I'm terrified she thinks she means it...'

That's what Sheelagh had said. And after a few hours pondering the statement in the early hours of the morning Sam had finally understood it.

When she'd barged into the hospital she'd been so sure. Seeing the scan had accentuated that and she was fully convinced it was all going to work out. How idealistic had that been? But she'd meant it. All the way through her argument with the DI there had been one face in her mind, even afterwards when she was driving back to the hospital there was no doubt in her mind that everything was going to be fine.

Perhaps Sheelagh had recognised something she hadn't, a flaw in the master plan. She still didn't know if she could be a parent to this child. For a while it hadn't mattered, she had been caught up in the adventure of it all, but maybe Sheelagh saw something she couldn't. Though she didn't want to loathe the child anymore there might have been something holding her back.

'I'm terrified she thinks she means it...'

But she wanted to mean it! There was nothing she wanted more than waking up every morning to see Sheelagh's face, it was her new dream. But unlike most this could be a reality, she was positive of it. What if Sheelagh didn't think so though?

* * *

The telephone ringing snapped Sheelagh from her solitary thoughts. She answered it immediately. 'Hello?'

'Thought I'd find you there.'

'Gina. Did you want me?'

'Why, is Sam around?'

'No, she was out before I woke this morning.'

'You do know how much trouble she's in?'

Sheelagh's heart sank that little further. 'How bad is it?'

'If Manson has his way she's out of the job and facing assault charges to boot.'

'Can't you persuade him to..?'

Gina's snort interrupted her. 'This is Neil Manson, Sheelagh! Short of a thunder-bolt Sam's sunk.'

'Where is he now, did he come into work?'

'Yep. He's in his office.'

* * *

Staring into the bottom of her cup as she had been for the last hour or so Sam was beginning to realise it didn't hold any answers and that she was stupid for searching. But as she came to the realisation and looked up she found a colleague manoeuvring through the tightly-packed tables. 'Ramani. What are you doing here?'

The DS smiled as she sat down at the table. 'I'm on my way back from the hospital, been interviewing a victim. I saw you and thought I'd...' Ramani trailed off. 'How are you?'

'It's common knowledge then?'

'You can't keep a secret that easily, you should know that.'

'All too well,' Sam answered recalling how the news of the rape had spread like wildfire. 'What are people saying then?'

'I think most can understand. I certainly can.'

Sam managed a small smile. 'I'm a hero then.'

'Of sorts,' Ramani replied with her own smile. 'But um... You don't seem to be revelling in it.'

'It's not just the job, it's...'

'You can tell me.'

'How long have you got?' Sam asked wryly.

'Long enough.'

* * *

'Sir, can I come in?' Sheelagh knocked lightly on the open office door, intrigued to see the DI looking perfectly healthy with barely a plaster. 'I'd like to talk to you.'

He looked up, took a moment then nodded. 'Of course.' Once the door was shut and she was settled opposite him, he continued, 'Well, how are you after yesterday?'

'Just a bit tired really. You don't have to be concerned about the baby, everything's fine.'

'Good. I was partly responsible for putting you in danger, I apologise for that.'

'It was my decision to join you, I could've said no. And I would like to apologise myself, for what Samantha did.'

Her lips thinned slightly. 'I hope you agree she was out of line.'

'Oh, believe me, I do. Sam acts on instinct a lot of the time, it's what makes her a good copper, but at times it can be a hindrance.'

'Right, well...'

'However,' Sheelagh pressed on immediately without giving him an opportunity. 'I wonder if your course of action is the right one.'

'You've come to plead her case.'

'In a way. But I'm pleading my own too. I think Sam told you about the nature of my relationship with her, surely that explains some of her anger yesterday?'

'Is that supposed to make it acceptable?'

'No, of course not. But, Sir, you're a father. If you believed your child was deliberately put in danger...'

'Deliberately?' Manson interrupted. 'Is that what you told her?'

'I didn't get the chance! I was so emotional, I barely got out what had happened, never mind the intricate details.'

'Sheelagh, I do sympathise with you both but it doesn't excuse the way she lost her temper.'

'I'm not saying it does. But... Sam and I have been having problems. At the time of the accident she was having reservations about the baby and finding out there was a chance it might not make it... Well, it pushed her over the edge.'

After a couple of moments, Manson sighed. 'I don't know what you expect me to do.'

'Have some compassion. Samantha's many things but not deliberately violent. She's a brilliant copper, a wonderful person... I don't think Sun Hill should lose that.'

'How do I know she's not going to lose her temper on duty, with a suspect maybe?'

'She hasn't to date,' countered Sheelagh nervously. 'Please, Sir, I'm asking you just to consider this as a person for a moment, not a copper. If you can understand half of what Sam went through yesterday you'll reconsider your position, I'm sure.' Standing, she looked at him again. 'Thanks for seeing me.'

'I'm glad you and the baby are both okay,' he said as she opened the door to leave.

Sheelagh smiled. 'Thanks, Sir. I appreciate it.'

* * *

After what seemed like an age Ramani let out a deep breath. 'That's quite a tale.'

'Tell me about it.'

'At least now I understand why you were angry with the DI.'

'I had to take it out on someone, he happened to be closest.'

'Sam,' said Ramani slowly. 'Everything you've said, about the baby and all, haven't you thought of discussing it with Sheelagh?'

'I'm terrified,' she admitted. 'I think she believes I wanted her to miscarry and...'

'But surely if you explain. Tell her the same as you've told me- you want the baby but you're apprehensive. She'll be able to relate to that.'

'I'm not sure I can get it across without it sounding wrong. I feel like one bad move and that's it, I've lost her.' Examining Ramani's slightly confused face, she questioned, 'What's wrong?'

The DS shook her head. 'Sorry, it's just... Out of all the people in Sun Hill I never thought I'd be having this kind of conversation with you, you've always seemed so impartial, professional.'

'A few months ago I wouldn't have chucked a book at Manson, I know that much. Falling for Sheelagh wasn't my plan, Ramani, but I think it's made me a better person.'

Ramani smiled. 'I think so too. But you can't lose the old Sam. And I tell you something, she would never sit in a shabby old café while her life was falling apart. Go home, talk to Sheelagh. It's the only way.'


	39. Evolution

For almost an hour the sound of her own breathing was all that had accompanied Sam in the kitchen. It was beginning to become an irritation.

Finally, the front door open and closed then a few moments later Sheelagh appeared. The silence was deafening until Sam tentatively broke it, looking up at her girlfriend. 'You went out.'

Sheelagh sat down. 'So did you.'

'I needed to clear my head.'

'Did it work?'

'In a way. Where have you been?'

'Nowhere special.'

'Right.' Sam glanced at her clenched hands then stood. 'Do you want a cuppa?'

Shelagh also got to her feet again. 'That'd be nice.'

Nodding, Sam started to move towards the kettle then turned back, reaching out to brush a strand of hair from Sheelagh's cheek. 'I shouldn't have left this morning without saying anything. Sorry.'

'I'm not your keeper.'

'No, but I don't want us to be like that. So far apart that it doesn't matter anymore.'

Something crossed Sheelagh's face. 'We're not are we?'

Ignoring the positive answer resounding in her head, Sam kissed her gently. 'I'll put the kettle on. You go sit down.'

It was easy to tell Sheelagh wasn't convinced as she left the kitchen. Then again, Sam told herself as she took two mugs from the cupboard, it wasn't that surprising since she hadn't actually answered. She hadn't been able to bring herself to.

When she entered the living room with two steaming mugs she was suddenly struck by how beautiful Sheelagh was, laid back on the sofa with her eyes closed against the slight sun slithering through the window. Of course, she'd noticed the beauty before, every morning they'd woken up together, but there was something more. It was the pregnancy she realised. It obviously agreed with her. And why wouldn't it?

Clearing her throat so Sheelagh's eyes snapped open Sam placed the mugs on the table then took a seat next to her partner on the sofa. 'You feel okay today then?'

'It's like it never happened really.'

'That's good. It means you're both okay.'

Sheelagh nodded slowly then sighed. 'I didn't want this, you know. Being here when you don't want me...'

'No, Sheelagh,' Sam interrupted her immediately. 'I want you here, believe me.' Seeing the Irish woman didn't believe her she reached out for her hand. 'I do. I'm just... Well, it's been a bad few days.'

'It doesn't feel like that's all it is,' Sheelagh answered bluntly. 'There's something going on here and I need to know what.'

Sam considered just sidestepping the subject, saying the right thing would be easy enough, but then she recalled all that Ramani had said. It had to be the truth. Standing, she went over to the window. 'What do you think about us, Sheelagh? Really?'

'How do you mean?'

'Do you see us together in ten years?' There was no answer from behind her. Resolutely, she pressed ahead. 'Ten months?' Still no reply. 'Ten days?'

'What do you want me to say?' Sheelagh finally asked.

Sam turned around, dismayed to see a tear running down her girlfriend's cheek. There was nothing she could do though. 'Just what you feel. So what's the problem? The baby?'

'Yes. You've given into me not the...' She paused to compose herself. 'Admit it, Sam. You'd rather there wasn't a child.'

'I hated the idea at first, you know that.'

'And you hate it now.'

'No! That isn't how it is at all.'

'Really? I don't believe you. I think that if I'd have miscarried yesterday you'd be much happier.'

Sam felt her own eyes well up with tears. 'That isn't true.'

'It is though.'

Unable to look at her, Sam turned back to stare out of the window. 'I imagined it all, you know. For that instant when I thought everything was going to be alright I went through the entire scenario. And it seemed perfect. Then I came back down to earth. It wouldn't be flawless.'

'Because of who the father was?'

'Not just that. It's because of... of who I am. I'm no good, I screw people up. Look at Abi! I never made much of a mother. What made me think I could start now?'

As her body began to shake Sheelagh approached her from behind, resting a hand on her shoulder. 'That's what you're scared of? Being a bad mother?'

Despite her best efforts she felt her tears start to fall. Sheelagh gently turned her and she found herself enveloped in a crushing hug. For a few minutes all there was in the world were two people then Sheelagh pulled back and sat them both on the sofa, Sam leaning heavily against her. 'You should've seen Abi's childhood. Frankenstein would've done a better job.'

Sheelagh put an arm around her shoulders. 'Tell me.'

Sniffing, she nodded consent. 'It might've been Glen. I mean, don't get me wrong, I didn't think she was like him or anything but... I couldn't look at her as a daughter, that meant she was too close. So I made her a friend. That's not what she needed.'

'Why couldn't you let her be close?' Sheelagh questioned, stroking her hair.

'I think it's... It's love. I can't handle it, never could. Abi was this beautiful little child I wanted to love but I was scared of breaking her, of her ending up feeling like I did.'

'Was it all because of Glen?'

'No. He helped it along I suppose but it's always been there. This disease I can't do anything about. I wanted to let myself go, be a proper mother but I couldn't. So I did the only thing I knew.'

'Evolved into DS Nixon?'

'Exactly. My way of telling myself I was doing right by Abi, bringing in money, clearing the streets. It was a lie.' Sam rested her head against Sheelagh before continuing. 'Do you know what you are? Beautiful, amazing, loving. You made me see things. You brought me and Abi closer without knowing it, by just being around. I started to... You've got no idea how much I wanted to stop loving you but I couldn't, however much I tried. So I went along with it.'

'I'm glad you did.'

'Are you? Look at the mess we're in.'

'Yes,' Sheelagh agreed. 'But it's down to you. We're both just scared, that's all. You think I don't feel it? I wake some mornings and something terrible happens. I think, for just a second, that it'll be like him. It terrifies the life out of me.'

Sam pulled away so she could look at her. 'There's no chance of that. This baby's like you, Sheelagh. I can feel it.'

'You sound more sure than I am.'

'No, you know it. Of course you do.'

'And you know you're not a bad mother,' Sheelagh countered gently. 'Abi's brilliant with Belinda, where do you think she got that from?'

'I let her watch too much telly when she was younger.'

'Don't be silly. Sam, you thought you were incapable of love? You were just incapable of accepting it in return. That's what eats at Abi, you won't let her in. It hurt me for a while when you clammed up. Remember way back before you kissed me that first time? Maybe I didn't know what was going on but I knew it was something.'

Closing her eyes briefly, Sam tried to regain her composure. 'I want to feel so much. You know, you and Abi and Belinda and...' Tentatively, she rested her hand on Sheelagh's stomach. 'Our baby. There's just something that won't let me.'

Sheelagh's hand rested on her own. 'You might not think it but you've already shown me more love than anyone I've been with. I can see it in your eyes every time you look at me. You don't know how it makes me feel.'

'I'm scared of loving you, hurting you. Both of you.'

'The two don't go hand in hand, I promise you.'

Slowly, a smile spread over Sheelagh's face. 'Ten years... Do you fancy a dog or a cat?'


	40. Dinner with Abi

A/N: Still many places to go with this, if you're all still interested. And I'm sure I'm not alone in enjoying the live ep tonight... Wow.

* * *

'Are you okay?' Sheelagh asked as Sam shifted slightly.

'Well, I've had worse afternoons.'

'Thanks for the compliment.'

'No, I'm... I'm fine.' Sam glanced up to lay a kiss on her lips. 'I'm better than that.'

'Good,' Sheelagh answered feeling a unique sense of contentment as her girlfriend settled back against her.

The bedroom was beginning to darken. It was the time of year, the days gradually getting shorter, leaves slipping from the trees. Sheelagh loved it, especially when the winds were rustling outside and she was safely tucked up with the person she loved. Staying there, watching the world passing by, would be a wonderful thing. Not a realistic option though she discovered as the front door slammed shut and the phone rang downstairs simultaneously.

Sam groaned. 'Oh, Abi can get it.'

Closing her eyes again, Sheelagh agreed. Then a few moments later heavy footsteps pounded on the stairs and there was a knock on the door. 'Mum? Are you in there?'

Shrugging apologetically, Sam got up and pulled her dressing gown on leaving the bed woefully empty. 'Who is it?'

'He says he's from the station.'

Sheelagh watched with interest as Sam left the room, was it perhaps Manson on the other end of the phone? With all that had happened in the last few hours her pleading with the Detective Inspector had completely slipped her mind. Sam getting her job back would really be the icing on the cake, it would set everything back to how it should be.

While she was waiting for Sam to return she started dressing, the afternoon was well and truly over if Abigail and Belinda had come back. No matter, their time alone was always going to be limited what with the new arrival, enjoying it when they got the opportunity was always going to be the key.

As she was buttoning her blouse the door opened and Sam came back in. 'Who was it?'

'Well, you should know.'

'Manson?'

Sam nodded. 'What did you say to him?'

'Nothing really.' Sheelagh moved over to her. 'Well?'

'Well...' Sam's face broke out in a smile as she wrapped her arms around Sheelagh's waist. 'The DI has considered his options and decided that one incident isn't worth arguing over. I'm back tomorrow.'

'That's brilliant!' Sheelagh kissed her just as a cry ahead from downstairs. 'How is everything down there?'

'Abi looks like she needs a break. We could look after Belinda tonight couldn't we?'

'I've got a better idea,' Sheelagh answered, taking her hand and dragging her down to the living room where Abi was unloading her daughter from the pram. 'Hi, Abi.'

The young woman looked from Sheelagh to her mother. 'I don't want to know.'

Sheelagh laughed at the expression on the girl's face. 'You don't need to. What I was going to say was that it'd be alright if you wanted a break tonight. Perhaps you and your mum could go out somewhere.'

Abi immediately busied herself with Belinda. 'I'm sure she's got better...'

After an encouraging look from Sheelagh Sam interrupted, 'Anywhere you want tog go. On me.'

Her daughter still looked undecided. 'I don't know.'

'Please, Abi. You know, we need to get some things sorted. I may as well pay for a slap-up meal in the process.'

'I suppose we could,' Abi finally replied, looking back to Sheelagh. 'If you really don't mind.'

'Of course not. She's a little angel this one.'

Sam slipped an arm around her waist. 'Let's hope ours is the same.'

* * *

Once they'd ordered an uncomfortable silence fell over mother and daughter. Recalling what Sheelagh had briefed her on as she dressed Sam decided to just try and talk. Silence was what had hurt them. 'Rough day?'

'No more than usual. Bel was a little grizzly but...' Abi trailed off. 'Why do you care?'

'Because you're my daughter.'

'I'm surprised you remember.'

'Abi. Let's not do this here.'

'Not airing out dirty laundry? That makes a change.'

Almost involuntarily, Sam smiled. 'You and me are so alike, do you know that?'

'You think so?'

'Oh, I know it. We're both stubborn, you can't argue with that.'

Abi shrugged reluctantly. 'What else?'

We both like our independence, our own space. Plus,' Sam added hesitantly. 'We want the other to be happy.'

'Look, Mum, if this is your way of asking if Sheelagh can move in...'

'No. No, it's not. I don't think any of us are ready for that.'

Her daughter looked surprised. 'Really?'

'You feel differently?'

'Well, yeah, I mean... Sorry, it doesn't matter.'

'No, go on,' Sam prompted.

'Mum, she's three months pregnant. If you meant what you said earlier about you raising the kid together shouldn't you be living with her when it's born? That's if you want to support her.'

'Of course I do. To be honest, I hadn't thought about it. These last couple of days have been so crazy. I didn't think about the details.'

'It's time you did, don't you think?'

'Abi, this wasn't why I brought you out.'

Finally, her daughter met her eye. 'You want to know if I'm happy? If I'm alright? If I need you?'

Sam smiled. 'Pretty much.'

'I'm doing okay. It's difficult but I knew that. And I do still need you, Mum.'

Reaching across the table she took Abi's hand. 'As long as you know I'm here.'

'I want Sheelagh to move in,' Abi continued after a moment. 'I want us to be a proper family, the five of us.'

'Well, I can see what she thinks of the idea. I don't want to push her though.'

* * *

'How did it go?' Sheelagh asked as Sam quietly opened the bedroom door.

'I thought you'd be asleep.'

'Well, your granddaughter didn't seem to like the idea. I just got her down about five minutes ago.'

'Abi was like that. Restless one night and angelic the next. Must run in the family.'

'I wonder what you were like as a baby,' Sheelagh said as Sam plopped herself on the bed.

'Very funny.'

'Mmm, I thought so.'

Sam kissed her. 'I'm afraid Abi and I didn't get as much talking done as I hoped. She spent half the night convincing me I should ask you to move in.'

For a moment Sheelagh was quiet. 'Convincing you? Does that mean you like the idea?'

'There's no question about that.'

'And Abi brought this up?'

'Several times.' Sam bit her lip. 'You don't have to decide now or anything.'

'No, I don't need any time. If you want me you've got me.'


	41. Gender issues

A/N: As you've all guessed by now, conflict is my specialty and I promise there'll be plenty of it in upcoming chapters. For now, we have inner conflict...

* * *

'Samantha, have you finished the report for the Henesy assault yet?'

Obviously, he knew she was almost out of the door but when she turned back she made sure she pasted on a smile- after two months she was still on a kind of probation with him. 'Guv, I've got the afternoon off.'

'I appreciate that but Henesy's brief's kicking up a fuss, wants to know what he's trying to get him off of this time.'

She shrugged. 'Can't do it now. We've had this appointment booked for ages. I'll have it for you first thing tomorrow.'

'Right.' As she made to move again he came closer, lowering his voice. 'This is the scan, is it?'

'Yeah, twenty weeks.'

'Well, I hope everything goes okay.'

Once he'd disappeared back around the corner to his office Sam smiled to herself. Perhaps he wasn't all bad. After all, he'd let her return to work without a blemish on her record and nothing had been said, accidentally or otherwise, about the baby or her relationship with Sheelagh. The only people who knew they were together were Gina, Ramani, Phil and Neil, amazingly it looked like it might stay that way. Not that Sam was ashamed at all, but Sheelagh was still working light duties which meant she was tied to the station. Gossip could be troublesome in Sun Hill when there was no escape.

Having arranged to meet Sheelagh outside five minutes earlier she was irritated when she was yet again halted as she walked down the stairs. This time it was Gina.

'Sam, I need you for a minute.'

'Sorry. I'm late already.'

'You're not the only one. Sheelagh's in my office, think you better come.'

'Why, what is it?'

Gina shook her head. 'Come on.'

Following the Inspector down the stairwell and towards her office Sam felt a sense of worry overtake her. Sheelagh had been as normal as ever at breakfast, slightly concerned about the impending scan but nothing out of the ordinary. Any parent was bound to be nervous at that stage of the pregnancy. Had she missed some vital sign or other?

'Oi.' Gina touched her arm as she made to open the door. 'Go steady.'

'Of course.'

Pushing open the door she found Sheelagh staring into space, that was all it took for the realisation to set in. After flicking the corridor blinds down she moved over to her girlfriend, putting an arm round her neck as she sat down. Patiently, she waited for Sheelagh to break the silence.

It didn't take long. 'I'm ridiculous, I know.'

'You're not. Finding out the sex of the baby's a big step, considering the circumstances you're bound to be nervous.'

'I wasn't worried, honestly. Then I was transcribing an interview... The boy turned out just like his father.'

Sam nodded. 'I suppose the mother said this?'

'I'm being stupid.'

'No. Listen, I know we've discussed it before but we don't have to find out today, we could wait until the birth.'

'That's backing out, Sam. I can't do that.'

'You're being too hard on yourself.'

'And you never do that?'

'Touche.' Pulling them both to their feet, Sam looked her partner straight in the eye. 'Okay, we're doing this apparently. You're stubborn as hell, Sheelagh, hope you know that.'

'Wonder where I picked that up.'

'Come on. Before I hit you.'

* * *

Over twenty years earlier during her first pregnancy a scan had felt like such a big deal. As a nurse she'd seen dozens of prospective parents, the reactions as an indecipherable blob appeared on the screen, labelled as their child. In reality it could've easily been a foal inside a horse but it hadn't seemed to matter. Until it had been her own turn Sheelagh hadn't understood that.

Then Patrick had pointed towards the screen, tears in his eyes, and she'd looked... The first glimpse of her little Siobhan, an image she could still conjure to mind whenever she felt the need.

Of course, with each child the scans seemed of less importance, merely check-ups with Declan and Connor, then Niamh's scans had been occasions for a mixture of emotions given the father situation. Looking back at that though she was eternally grateful she'd been persuaded to take the scan photos with her when she'd been reluctant to. They formed the basis for what little she had left of her daughter so in that sense the scan had been massively important.

This one took the biscuit though. Boys were like their fathers, she knew it. Not just because of the people she saw pass through the station on an average day, but from experience- Declan and Connor were so like Patrick it was amazing sometimes. Apart from the slight matter of him being gay Connor was practically a carbon copy of his father, what did that indicate for this child if it turned out to be male?

Deep down she knew she really was being ridiculous. After all, hadn't she forced Sam to accept everything about the child before committing to spend their lives together? Here she was, back-tracking on her own words and because of what? A little fear, irrational fear.

Glancing over to Sam in the driving seat she remembered what they were- a family. This child, whether it was male or female, was part of that family. Suddenly, Sheelagh realised that whatever had to be would be, hadn't that been what she'd preached for a good period of her life?

* * *

Sheelagh had slowly perked up during the journey Sam noted with a certain degree with relief as they walked through the sterile corridors of the hospital towards the maternity unit. Yes, she was still pale but the fear in her eyes had been replaced with something else, something Sam couldn't put her finger on but she knew it was positive.

After a short stint in the waiting room they were called, Sam taking hold of Sheelagh's hand, just to let her know it was fine to be nervous. Her own insides were somersaulting, not that she could let her girlfriend know this.

'Mrs Murphy,' the doctor greeted them. Luckily, it was the same woman who had treated them before, she knew the situation and therefore wouldn't put her foot in it. 'Ms Nixon, isn't it?'

Sam shook her hand as Sheelagh hopped onto the table. 'Yep. Nice to see you again.'

'Yes, you too.' She looked back to Sheelagh briefly. 'Now, as you know, it's possible to tell the sex of the baby from the twenty week scan. Of course, some parents don't wish to know but...'

'We do,' Sheelagh supplied quickly. 'If that's okay.'

'Yes, that's fine. Let's get on with it shall we?'


	42. Penguins

A/N: I have an announcement to make. Don't get me wrong, this is going to get finished but I need a break, other projects and stuff, so it might be a few weeks until I update. I do apologise but it's just real-life getting in the way again.

* * *

We should start thinking of names,' Sam said as she moved slightly so they were both comfortable on the sofa.

'Mmm,' Sheelagh agreed quietly.

'You are okay? I mean, you haven't said much since we got back and...'

'Don't analyse me, Sam.'

Considering Sheelagh hadn't moved an inch she wasn't taking the statement to heart. 'I wasn't going to. So, any ideas?'

'You want to think about this right now?'

'Why not?'

After a few moments Sheelagh sighed. 'I hadn't thought about it.'

'Okay. Well, now's the time to start.'

'I don't know. Something traditional.'

'Not Brooklyn or Romeo then?'

'I wouldn't wish that on a child.'

Sam smiled, squeezing her hand. 'Well, I'm with you. Something traditional it is.'

Sheelagh glanced at her. 'It doesn't make a difference does it?'

'You have to ask?'

'No,' she answered, settling back down. 'Not really.'

* * *

The screaming was equal to the wailing from a particularly poor orchestra woodwind section. Finally deciding that Abi must be otherwise engaged Sheelagh left her book by the side of the bed and went down to the living room to deal with Belinda herself. As she glanced into the kitchen though she found Abigail clearly unoccupied staring at a speck of nothing on the wall.

After clearing her throat did nothing to stir the young mother Sheelagh moved further into the kitchen, placing her hand on her shoulder. 'Abi.'

It took a moment but the girl looked up. 'Oh, hi. What's wrong?'

Sheelagh allowed Belinda lungs to do the explaining. 'She's been like that for twenty minutes or so.'

'Sorry. I didn't hear.'

Knowing how unlikely that was, Sheelagh stopped Abigail when she started to leave. 'Is everything alright?'

'Yeah, fine.'

'Abi, you can talk to me.'

'You're starting to sound like my mum. Honestly, I'm fine.'

Before Sheelagh could argue anymore Abi had disappeared to tend to her daughter. Well, perhaps she'd been telling the truth- there was every chance Sheelagh was reading too much into an innocent situation. And wasn't that Samantha's job?

Glancing around the kitchen for some sign of where the said woman had sneaked off to she caught sight of a note stuck to the fridge with a novelty fish magnet.

_Won't be long, stay off your feet xxx_

That hadn't exactly solved the mystery had it? Sam going out when she was taking a nap was a surprise, not least because she'd obviously managed to get changed in the bedroom without creating a noise or fuss. That certainly wasn't Samantha Nixon. After a few days of attempted lie-ins Sheelagh had discovered her partner's propensity to mutter to herself about her day plan as she dressed and, if she was particularly happy for any reason, she sang something from the ABBA archives. Nothing like a bit of Swedish pop to truly wake you up on a morning.

Deciding to take the written advice, Sheelagh made her way back upstairs, vaguely registering Belinda quietening in the living room.

* * *

Thank heavens for Thursday late-night opening. Without a clear idea of what she wanted she'd headed into the shopping centre searching for... Well, something anyway. Having been in a dozen or more shops with no results she'd seen a display and it had given her an idea. Collecting other bits and pieces along the way she made her way back to the house, glad to find Abi and Belinda had finally vacated the living room.

After setting things up, dimming the lights and so forth, Sam climbed the stairs quietly, checking briefly in Abigail's room. The lights were on though both the occupants were asleep so after looking in the cot for moment she flicked the switch and proceeded to her own bedroom.

Sheelagh was awake- she hadn't expected anything else- and reading a hefty book that looked as though it belonged as a doorstop somewhere. 'You've been hours.'

'Don't exaggerate.'

'I woke up at half six.'

Sam checked her watch. 'There was traffic.'

'Where?'

'Come downstairs.'

'Why?'

'Will you just do as you're told?'

After a moment of what seemed like purposeful deliberation Sheelagh finally followed the instruction, Sam taking her hand as she came close.

* * *

She couldn't help but smile at the way Sam was being. Right from the moment they'd left the hospital she'd been attentive and immaculately considerate, one of the things about DS Nixon that only became apparent in dire situations. After the rape she'd seen it and the second the nurse had pointed to the screen it had flashed back into her eyes. If she needed it, it convinced Sheelagh of their bond and looking at her now, dragging her lightly down the stairs, it was cemented further.

'So, what's going on?'

Reaching the living room door her girlfriend finally turned. 'You'll notice a theme.'

Once the door opened Sheelagh understood the statement. 'You're right, I do.'

Quickly, Sam pointed her towards the sofa. 'The shops are all geared up for Christmas.'

Taking a good look around at the snowflakes stuck to the wall and the little skiing penguins on the mantle Sheelagh felt a smile break out. 'What's this in aid of?'

'You.'

'Care to be more specific?'

Sam shrugged, sitting down next to her. 'Today was a shock. We weren't as prepared as we thought.'

'Listen, I'm...'

'I know you're fine,' she interrupted. 'And this is just as much for my benefit.'

'How do you mean?'

'Well, look at it this way. When are we ever going to be able to get some piece and quiet and... penguins again?'

Not being able to stop her laughter Sheelagh was quietened by a kiss. Funny how that always worked.


	43. Eight months in

A/N: Well, so much for a break. My new pet-hate is uni which is annoying since I actually live there full-time. Ok, rant over. The updates on this might not be as fast as I'd like now but they will be regular. Thanks for being patient.

* * *

Voices hushing as she walked into rooms wasn't a new occurrence, it came with the status of being a CID officer among PCs yet there was something about the way Amber Johanssen and Honey Harman's mouths clamped shut which made her suspicions rise. 'Everything alright?' 

'Yes, Sarge,' they answered in unison.

The little she had heard approaching the door indicated that was a blatant lie. 'I thought I heard you mention Sheelagh Murphy.'

Amber sniggered.

Her defences well and truly up, she answered sharply, 'I suppose I said something amusing.'

'No, Sarge, it's just...' Honey faltered slightly.

'There's a rumour going round,' put in Amber. 'We just wondered where Sheelagh was.'

Sam frowned with something of an inkling of where this was going. 'She's eight months pregnant, probably at home.'

'And where's home?'

'Sorry?'

'It's true she's living with you isn't it?'

For a moment she considered a plain lie yet that was an avoidance of her relationship more than anything else- she thought that a little unforgivable. 'What's your point?'

'Nothing, Sarge,' said Honey hurriedly. 'It's nothing to do with us.'

'No, it's not.'

'But...' Amber said slowly. 'You are sleeping with her, right?'

That almost caused her to show some emotion. One quick composition act later and she snorted. 'Is that what you think, PC Johanssen?'

The young woman shrugged. 'It's what I heard.'

'Tell me, Amber, do you ever plan to make CID?'

Leaving it at that, Sam made her exit. Once out in the corridor though she allowed herself a moment of breathing time.

For a few months now she'd been eavesdropping on the gossip mongers to check who the hot topic of conversation was- it hadn't been at all a surprise when she'd whisked by the office only to hear Sheelagh under discussion. What had been surprising was that no one had cottoned on sooner. It wasn't as though they were being particularly secretive, what would be the point in that? But one thing that worried Sam was the fact that Sheelagh took gossip to heart and with less than a month to the birth... Well, keeping Sheelagh calm was her priority. At that moment though she wasn't sure how to accomplish that.

* * *

Of course, usually she knocked. If anyone understood the desperate craving for privacy it was Sheelagh. Just once in a while when the kids were younger she loved her own space, she knew she should've kept in mind that Abigail, as a young parent, might need the same consideration. Since the door was ajar, however, she just walked straight in. 

Abi was sleeping on top of the bed covers while Belinda fussed quietly in her cot by the window. A thin ray of sunshine drifted over the bed and Abigail's legs and a... Sheelagh stepped forward an inch to reiterate... Yes, a snake of blood was slithering onto the blue duvet, coming from, undoubtably, the twenty or so small cuts on the young woman's left arm.

Unsure what to do, Sheelagh retreated back into her bedroom.

* * *

'You wanted to see me, Guv?' 

Jack Meadows looked up, his frown at being interrupted disappearing almost immediately. 'Yeah. Sit down, Samantha.'

It wasn't very often that the DCI worried her but as he sat back with his arms crossed over his chest her concern started to rise. 'Is there a problem?'

'You and Sheelagh Murphy,' he said bluntly. 'You're the hot topic of conversation round here.'

Considering the altercation with Amber and Honey three hours earlier it was no surprise. Though this was fast even by Sun Hill standards. 'Oh?'

'It's true then?'

'What have you heard?' she countered.

'You're living with her.'

'That's no secret.' After waiting pointlessly for him to continue in his interrogation, she added, 'And, yes, I'm in love with her.'

He shrugged. 'It's nothing to do with me, as long as you're happy. What concerns me is the effect on certain officers.'

She smiled diligently. 'DI Manson's known for three months, he hasn't got a problem with it.'

'How did he..?'

'It's a long story.'

'Fair enough. Well, then, that's settled. Back to work!'

* * *

It had taken Sheelagh an age to work out her course of action. Discovering Abigail was self-harming wasn't a surprise in itself- for the last few months the young woman had been a growing concern on Sheelagh's part, perhaps just because she had been around to notice the slightly erratic behaviour and mood swings. Selfishly, though, she had avoided the issue and Sam, either working or panicking about the impended arrival had missed it completely. In one way that had probably made things worse for Abi. These things were a cry for help after all. 

So, after some deliberation, Sheelagh had dug out the number of an old friend from her nursing days who had moved into specialist counselling. Her plan was to deal with this by excluding Sam. No offence meant to her girlfriend but Samantha would probably fly off the handle- blame Abi- and that wasn't what was needed. Diplomacy, something Sam used on occasion, had to come into play.

With this in mind, Sheelagh seated herself at the table with a cup of tea, all ready to confront her stepdaughter. However, the first person to come through the door wasn't Abigail, it was Sam. 'Hiya.'

Sheelagh rearranged her face into a smile to receive her kiss. 'You're early.'

'Well, I'm a good copper.'

'And entirely modest. Good day?'

'Erm...' Sam sat beside her. 'I'm not sure.'

Knowing that look from old, Sheelagh braced herself. 'What's happened now?'

'We're officially the latest bit of station gossip. I caught Amber and Honey talking ealier and Jack called me in for a word.'

'Oh...' Sheelagh digested that. 'Is it a problem for anyone? Jack?'

'You know Jack, he's everybody's dad. Just wants a smooth machine with happy worker-elves.'

'You make it sound so sweet.'

'It is,' Sam answered with a smile. 'Anyway, I know it's not the ideal time what with the baby...'

'Don't fuss. We knew it was bound to happen.'

'You're taking this well.'

'Frankly, I don't care what Amber Johanssen or Roger Valentine think about my life. It's mine to mess up as I please.'

'Mess up?' repeated Sam. 'The faith you've got's remarkable.'

'Shush,' Sheelagh replied, kissing her lightly as Abigail sauntered into the kitchen, Belinda on her hip. 'Hi, you two.'

Abi smiled broadly. 'Hiya. Say 'hi', Bel.'

Belinda gurgled and coughed.

'Do you want me to take her?' Samantha offered, standing.

'Cheers, Mum.' After handing her daughter over Abi took a bottle of juice from the fridge. 'This is what she wants , I think.'

Watching the two generations of Nixons struggling together, Sheelagh asked, 'Everything alright, Abi?'

The blonde smiled again. 'Perfect. Thanks.'


	44. Willfull harm

A/N: I do apologise for my tardiness and I would explain but then I'd have to kill you. So, please, accept my apology. Anyway, the next chapter just needs to be typed so I'll get that up over the weekend!

* * *

Usually, if baby wanted a restless night Sheelagh had to go along for the ride. However, this evening (or rather, morning) she had the distinct impression that she was prevented her son from relaxing.

Sam had long since settled into a peaceful sleep yet Sheelagh remained too alert for her own good, staring at the ceiling and straining her ears for any noise from down the hall. Though none came it didn't quell her fears, the thought that she should've acted right away was eating at her- she wouldn't forgive herself if Abi did anything rash.

Under the realisation that she needed the toilet once again, she rose, glancing back to check Samantha was still asleep. That was foolish since her girlfriend could sleep through an earthquake or the more everyday occurrence of Belinda screaming.

She couldn't resist opening Abigail's door, half-petrified at what she might find. Both occupants were asleep though and, knowing she could hardly creep further into the room in her condition, Sheelagh was forced to concede defeat. However, she decided to renew her efforts to talk to Abi the next day- it certainly had to be done.

* * *

If there was one thing Sam disliked about her job it was the idiotic witnesses who lost their bottle two weeks before a court date and decided that, naturally, the best place for a hardened criminal was on a housing estate where he could terrorise families. Take this one, for example. Bill Cresswall, witness to a violent assault on the Jasmine Allen, swore blind he wanted to see the 'scum put away'. After eight long months waiting for trial he had phoned the station saying he'd got it all wrong and Kurt Wilson was wholly innocent. On the pretext of needing an official record of his statement withdrawal, Sam and Ramani were hoping to salvage the case they'd spent weeks constructing the previous year.

Sat in the car, waiting for Mr Cresswall to return home, the talk turned to Sheelagh. Sam was more than happy to discuss the subject since Ramani had played her part in keeping them together. 'She's pretty optimistic about the birth actually. I suppose you get used to it but… Well, I couldn't go through it again.'

'And the secret being out, so to speak?' Ramani probed with a friendly smile. 'How is she about that?'

'Fine, I think. That's what she says anyway.'

'Unconvinced?'

'Maybe,' confessed Sam. 'She did seem a bit off this morning but I got the feeling it was more about all this time alone than anything else. I know it's driving her mad.'

Ramani nodded in agreement. 'She's hardly the type to lock herself away voluntarily. Does she have many visitors?'

'Well, the kids,' Sam shrugged. 'Siobhan and Declan mostly, Connor comes but he ignores the bump.' On her colleague's questioning look, she added, 'It isn't me and Sheelagh he has an issue with, more her having another baby- he blames the last one for splitting up his parent's marriage.'

'That must be tough on her,' commented Ramani.

'She's working on winning him round, she'll manage it. But apart from them, she spends most of the time alone. Abi's always off somewhere and I… Well, you know where I am.'

'You know, I could always pop in, catch her up on the gossip.'

'I don't want you to put yourself out.'

'Don't be ridiculous,' Ramani answered. 'I'd love to see her.'

Sam didn't have an immediate chance to express her gratitude as the middle-aged Mr Cresswall had just come round the corner. Glancing to her colleague, she asked, 'Ready?'

Ramani simply nodded.

* * *

Belinda was asleep. Having checked on that, Sheelagh proceeded to the kitchen, finding her stepdaughter of sorts toasting baps under the grill. 'What you making?'

Abi briefly turned from the cooker. 'Just a cheese sandwich.'

'Toasted?'

'Why not? It's the only hot food I'm gonna get today.'

Taking advantage of the bitterness in her voice, Sheelagh questioned, 'Is everything alright, Abi? I've been noticing a few things lately.'

The young woman seemed immediately on her guard, twisting her body in an uncomfortable fashion. 'What do you mean?'

'Well,' Sheelagh said, taking a seat at the table. 'You're not entirely happy, you'll admit that at least.'

'I'm a single mum, what do you expect?'

'Using more of your mother's avoidance techniques, I see.'

'Sheelagh, what are you getting at?'

Deciding to try and level with the teenager, she answered, 'I know about the self-harm, Abi.'

For a few moments, the young blonde stared then she turned back to the grill to flip the baps. 'I don't know what you mean.'

'I've seen it. Now, I'm not jud…'

'Of course not! Abi burst out angrily. 'Why the hell would you judge?'

Sheelagh winced at the tone. 'Abi, please, I just want to help.'

'Then keep out of it.'

'You know I can't do that.'

'Because you're annoyingly nosy and you have to poke into everything that's nothing to do with you?'

'No. Because I care.'

Shaking her head but calming a little, Abi moved to the doorway. 'Can you just leave me alone?'

'I've got a friend who would be happy to talk to you.'

'No!'

In a way highly reminiscent of her mother, Abi stormed out of the kitchen. Sheelagh was half-way out of the door herself when the scent of crisping bread reached her nostrils. With reluctance, she went to the grill.

* * *

'Mr Cresswall, you do understand the seriousness of the offence don't you?'

Irritatingly, he refused to meet her eye. 'I've already said, I'm not discussing this.'

Glancing at Ramani, Sam pressed on. 'You do remember Mrs Gossard's daughter witnessed the attack on her mother, yes?'

When he declined to answer, Ramani took the baton. 'That's quite an ordeal for a six year-old. Your evidence would ensure Kurt Wilson went to prison for a very long time, surely that's worth the little bit of effort on your part.'

Bill Cresswall snorted. 'A bit of… Do you know what Wilson would do to me?'

It was starting to make more sense, Sam thought grimly. 'He's threatened you, hasn't he?'

'Not himself, obviously. Here,' he said, reluctantly reaching into a cabinet next to the sofa. 'These came last week.'

Sam took the papers, briefly registering the looped handwriting and abuse before she passed them on. 'This makes him more dangerous, I'm sure you realise that.'

'I know, I know.'

Ten minutes later the pair left the terraced house, Sam feeling triumphant at their success. It might only be one criminal in the grand scheme of things but it was definitely something. Before she could bask in their shared glory her mobile rang. Manson. 'Guv?'

'Samantha, need you back here. There's a suspect for a stabbing, Mark Griffiths, won't talk to anyone but you.'

She sighed. 'I was heading home, Guv.'

'He stabbed a doctor.'

'Alright, I'm on my way.' Ending the call, she roller her eyes. 'So much for getting home.'

'Problems?' Ramani questioned sympathetically.

'Oh, no more than usual. I suppose I'd better call Sheelagh.'

'I've got a better idea. Drop me off on the way back to the station, she gets the company and I don't have to see the DI. Sounds like a plan.'

* * *

'Abi, sweetheart, let me in. I just want to talk.'

'Go away!'

Trying the bedroom handle again she felt something pressed against it, most likely Belinda's cot which explained the screaming drowning out Sheelagh's constant pleas. So pressing against the door from this side wasn't an option, especially considering her condition. 'Abi!'

When there was no further answer from the room the fear bubbling in her throat started to rise. Forgetting all thoughts of scaring Belinda she started pounding on the door.

That yielded no results and finally thinking of Sam she dashed down the stairs only to collide with Ramani coming through the door. 'Sheelagh, what is it?'

'Abi, I think she's… She's been hurting herself and she's locked the door.'

'It's alright, I'm here. Where is she?'

'Her bedroom. She's got Belinda in there.'

'Come on.' Taking the lead, Ramani rushed up the stairs, stopping at the one closed door. 'Abi? It's Ramani de Costa from Sun Hill, can I come in?'

As Sheelagh reached her, the detective shook her head at the silence from Abigail and pressed her shoulder hard against the door. It gave within ten seconds giving a clear view of the bed… and the blood seeping down it.


	45. Reasons

A/N: This took longer than a weekend didn't it? Very sorry, just things on my mind that tended to infiltrate my writing mind.

* * *

'Samantha.'

'Mmm, two seconds,' she muttered, not looking up from Mark Griffiths' criminal record she was perusing on the computer screen.

'No, now.'

Recognising the strange tilt to June Ackland's voice, Sam looked up instantly. 'What is it?'

Holding her hat in her hands the uniformed Sergeant looked every bit the uncomfortable messenger. 'Ramani called an ambulance to your house forty-five minutes ago, there's been an incident with Abigail.'

'What do you mean, 'an incident'?'

'I'm going to take you to St.Hughes, I'll explain on the way.'

'June, please! I need to know!'

Her colleague sighed. 'Ramani said she tried to kill herself.'

Numbly, she allowed herself to be led out of CID and down to the car.

* * *

This was the type of situation in which pacing would be an ideal tool. Unfortunately, it wasn't a viable option when you were eight months pregnant. All Sheelagh did was stare at the leaflet in her hand, the one on contraception that she had been browsing over for the best part of an hour.

Finally, a set of footfalls she knew all too well reverberated around the empty corridor. Standing, she faced her girlfriend. 'Sam.'

The green eyes were moist. 'Where is she?'

'I haven't seen her yet. A nurse said they'd stemmed the bleeding, it was looking positive.'

After absorbing this, Samantha glanced to June Ackland behind her. 'You don't have to stay.'

The Sergeant shook her head. 'I'm not going anywhere.' Looking to Sheelagh, she questioned, 'Where's the baby?'

As the spectre of her granddaughter dawned on Sam, a fresh wave of fear washed over her face. 'Belinda!'

'It's fine,' Sheelagh pacified her. 'Ramani called Siobhan to take her. She'll be alright for a while.'

Samantha slowly nodded. 'What happened?'

Was honesty really the best policy here? Placing herself in the position of having to tell Samantha Nixon the suicide attempt was the result of an argument was the human equivalent of placing a kitten downwind of a herd of buffalo- it wasn't as if she was going to come up smelling of roses. Then again, she was a terrible liar, always had been. 'I was arguing with her. Yesterday I discovered some cuts on her arms, I confronted her about them.'

'Cuts? As in self-inflicted?'

Despite her mounting dread, Sheelagh pressed on, 'I think she's been struggling lately…'

'Self-inflicted or not?' Sam interrupted.

'Completely, yes.'

For more than a minute Samantha shut her eyes against the world. Glancing to June, Sheelagh felt her own fatigue returning and she steadied herself against a chair. When Sam's eyes reopened, though, she immediately grasped hold of her. 'Are you alright?'

A little surprised by the concern, Sheelagh could barely answer. 'Actually, I'm…'

'Sheelagh? Come on, I need you.'

'I'm not going anywhere.'

* * *

There were some parts of the situation Sam just couldn't get her head around even as she sat in the hospital ward with Abigail asleep on the bed in front of her and Sheelagh's head resting against her shoulder. The stillness of their curtained segment of the ward contrasted so much with the bustle of the rest that, at moments, Sam was convinced she was suffering from some sort of delusion. The whole fracas seemed ludicrous enough to belong in one.

The doctors had stitched Abi up, the scars (both mental and physical) would never truly fade but aside from that… She didn't want to consider how the day might have affected her granddaughter or her and Sheelagh's unborn son, or even the deeper ramifications on Abi which chilled her. She had seen enough to know that a suicide attempt was never in the background, it haunted you.

A swish of the of the curtain behind her caused Sam to stand, carefully resting Sheelagh's head against the wall as she turned to face Ramani and the unfamiliar. 'What's going on?'

Her colleague kept their eyes level. 'You know the score, Sam.'

'She wasn't trying to kill herself.'

'Still, Dr Richardson has a duty of care. It's standard procedure, you know that.'

'Twenty-eight days?'

'Just to be sure,' answered Ramani. 'You have to accept this.'

After a moment, she nodded. 'Yeah, I know.' Then, looking to the doctor, she implored, 'Let them sleep though. Just for a while.'

'Of course,' Dr Richardson smiled curtly and left.

Watching Abi and then Sheelagh in turn, Samantha was hardly aware Ramani was still around until a gentle arm took her out of the ward and into a small waiting-room off the corridor.

Her fellow DS was silent for a time then she asked, 'How are you coping?'

'Is that what I'm doing?'

'It's a great shock, I know. You obviously had no idea something was wrong.'

'And what kind of mother does that make me?'

'You had Sheelagh to worry about,' Ramani reminded her. 'Not to mention the baby.'

'It doesn't make a difference. I let her down. I didn't think I could do it again. I thought… It doesn't matter.'

'No, go on.'

Sam frowned, trying to organise her thoughts into some kind of coherent utterance. 'I told you about the baby, me being useless when it comes to parenting. I suppose I had this notion of working past that, we were all going to be okay.'

'You still can be.'

'But what made her feel like that? Why would she want to end her life? And why… why couldn't she talk to me?'

'Sam,' said Ramani gently. 'You don't have control over the past. Yes, you can learn from it but you can't change it. If you want to help give her the time she needs. No questions asked.'

'How much time?'

'There's no answer to that,' her colleague answered with a wry smile. 'As you well know.'

'There's no harm in asking is there?'

* * *

Having woken to find Sam gone Sheelagh was concentrating her gaze on the young woman in front of her. After a few minutes, Abigail stirred, probably due to the scrutiny. Giving her a few seconds to gain some kind of composure, she questioned, 'How are you feeling?'

Briefly, Abi squeezed her eyelids shut. 'I thought it was over.'

Sighing, Sheelagh reached for a pale hand only to have it pulled from her grasp. 'I want to understand.'

'Forget it.'

'Now, you know that isn't something I can do. Abi, you're like a…'

'Don't say that,' interrupted Abigail. 'I don't want to hear that.'

'Well, it's the way I feel.'

The young woman stared for a moment then turned her face away. 'I want you to leave.'

'Oh, Abi, why?'

'I want to be alone.'

'That's not what you need.'

'Well, I don't need you!'

Some of the jigsaw pieces were falling onto the table and she realised with another pang of dread where the problem lay. 'Abi, have you got a problem with your mother's relationship with me? Or just me?' There was no answer, the head remained low. 'If I was in any way responsible for this…'

The question hung for more than a minute until Abi replied quietly, 'Don't put the blame on yourself, Sheelagh, alright?'

'You've practically told me I've had a hand in this,' objected Sheelafg. 'You can't say that and not…'

'It's not like you think.'

'What is it like?'

'I can't…' Abi answered with an evident struggle then finally looked up and met her eye. 'I don't hate you, Sheelagh.'

The implication of the words hit giving Sheelagh more than food for thought. Knowing some kind of answer was expected she swallowed then said, 'Right.'

* * *

Ramani had gone to confer with Dr Richardson leaving Sam to organise her thoughts before going back to see if Abi was awake. As she stood though the door opened and Sheelagh entered. Immediately on her guard, she questioned, 'Is it Abi? Has she woken up?'

Sheelagh held up her hand. 'She's alright, she woke up ten minutes ago.'

'I've got to see her.' She made to move past her girlfriend but was halted. 'What?'

'She doesn't want to see you. Or me. Or anyone, for that matter.'

'Well, I'm her mother!'

'Yes, but in this instance I think you're better off respecting her wishes. She's fragile, Sam.'

Part of her wanted to argue but it was futile, she knew that. Allowing Sheelagh to close the door, she sat back down. 'What did she say?'

'Nothing relevant,' she answered. 'It was gibberish really. You disappeared suddenly.'

'Ramani brought the doctor for a chat. She's been sectioned, you know the procedure.'

'I do,' replied Sheelagh diligently. 'But that doesn't make it any easier on the family.'

'The family…' repeated Sam with a sardonic smile. 'We better pick up Bel, get her home. Won't do to ruin her routine anyone.'

'We can catch the doctor before we leave, see what's going to happen.'

'I think I know that by now.'

'Still,' Sheelagh went on. 'Put your mind at rest.'

'Somehow, I don't think that's going to happen, do you?'

'Maybe not but we can try.'

Nodding her agreement, Sam smiled a little at her girlfriend. 'How are you feeling? The baby alright?'

'To be honest, I feel a bit strange. It's been a long day.'

'Tell me about it.'

'But, Sam,' Sheelagh said, taking her arm. 'We'll get through this.'

She was slightly confused. 'Of course we will.'

'And I love you.'

More baffled, she answered, 'I know.'


	46. Headaches

A/N: Right. Well, here we are again. A few chapters of high drama left and I'll be wrapping it up!

* * *

For the hundredth time Sheelagh thanked her lucky stars that at least two of her children were helpful. Of course, Connor was as likely to volunteer looking after Belinda as he was to suddenly start frequenting heterosexual bars but Siobhan took her whenever her job would allow and Declan helped out too. Add to that the fact that Sam kept engineering callers from the nick and she was doing quite well in terms of coping with the children- both born and unborn. Abigail, however, was in a league all of her own.

As usually happened around this time in the afternoon the doorbell rang. She was practically listening for it so she was on her feet as quickly as her body would allow, probably startling Gina who came bearing fruit. It was a slight surprise to have an Inspector on her doorstep, that was high even by Sam's standards. 'I didn't know she' put you on the rota.'

'She wouldn't dare. No, I needed to pull myself away from the temptation of strangling Amber Johannsen and you seemed a perfect distraction. So, sit down, eat your grapes and I'll stick the kettle on.'

Not having the inclination to argue Sheelagh complied with the order, sitting patiently until Gina returned with two steaming mugs. Taking hers, she asked, 'What did Amber do now?'

'Oh, nothing. Just arrested a senile old woman for disturbing the peace. You know what she wanted? The police to get her home.'

That sounded precisely like PC Johannsen. 'She isn't filing a complaint is she?'

'Poor old dear, she wouldn't know how. I wish she would though, just the incentive I need to get rid of Amber once and for all.'

Sheelagh smiled. 'She'll slip up again.'

'I've no doubt about it. Anyway, how are you coping?'

'Well, it's not the easiest time but…' As she trailed off she surveyed the Inspector's sceptical face. 'What?'

'There's something going on, Sheelagh. I've known you too long to believe this brave face routine. What is it?'

'Trust me, Gina; you'd rather not hear this.'

'If I felt like that I wouldn't be asking would I?'

Relenting (how could she not?), Sheelagh settled back in her seat and took a sip of her tea. 'I think Abigail's convinced herself she's in love with me. It's understandable, considering her past, she needed to pin her hopes on someone and I was it. But I didn't notice…'

'Hang on, back up a minute,' interrupted Gina. 'Abigail's in love with you?'

'It's perfectly… I won't say natural but…'

The Inspector snorted. 'How long has she felt this way?'

'I don't know. After she'd told me she clammed up, threw me out and we haven't seen her since.'

'What, neither of you?'

'She's refused to see anyone. Sam blames herself, of course.'

'Wait,' said Gina with a furrowed brow. 'Haven't you told her what's going on?'

'You expect me to slip it into conversation between asking her to peel the spouts and buying nappies?'

'Oh, come on, Sheelagh! This isn't hiding how much you paid for baby wipes! Look, I know Sam as well as you do, this'll be eating her up. It'll be all her fault, there'd have been something she could've done, you watch.'

She shook her head. 'If she knew…'

Gina didn't allow her to finish. 'I get what you're saying. It's self-preservation because you're terrified she doesn't trust you. You're scared of being a single-mother, aren't you?'

Sitting silently for over a minute, Sheelagh eventually leaned forward to put her mug on the table. 'I'm not being completely selfish, you know. Sam wouldn't know how to handle this, she'd react emotionally, she's gotten good at that. If she'd still been DS Nixon at least I could've been sure she wouldn't do anything rash.'

'To Abi?'

'To Abi. Or herself.'

'That's not a possibility; this is Sam. Besides, what possible reason would she have to go and do something like that, eh?'

'Oh, I don't know! Maybe because first she brought Hugh into Abi's life then me, just highlights what she lacks. Abigail looks for a parental figure, she does it in the wrong way, but that's what she's looking for. That's what hurts Sam, that her daughter had to look elsewhere.'

'That's not the case anymore though.'

'To her, it is.'

Gina sighed. 'So, what's your plan? Wait until she finds out from Abigail? Because she will.'

'My baby's due in three weeks. Sam's working all the hours God sends so she can have some time off. Belinda's missing her mum and she's got colic. I drop anymore bombshells right now and she'll go under. I'll tell her when the time's right.'

'There'll be a right time?' Gina questioned, the sarcasm evident in her voice.

'Better than this.' When the Inspector said nothing, she added, 'You did ask.'

'I have to admit, dealing with Amber Johannsen would've done me more good. Never thought I'd say that.'

'I know you think I'm doing the wrong this. But you've kept more than enough secrets in your time haven't you?'

The reference to her cancer caused the Inspector to concede a defeat. 'Alright, alright. You obviously know what you're doing.'

Sheelagh smiled. 'Of course. Now, apart from Amber, what else am I missing?'

'You know about Ramani de Costa I suppose?'

'No. Is she okay?'

'She might've lost her marbles.' On the questioning look, she added, 'She's seeing Terry Perkins. It's been going on for a while by all accounts.'

'I didn't see that coming.'

'Neither did the rest of the nick. But they're happy enough.'

'At least someone is. No, it's a good thing, they deserve to be. Does Sam know?'

'I should think so.'

'It's strange she didn't say anything.'

Gina shrugged. 'She's got a lot on her plate.'

* * *

As a large file dropped onto her desk, Sam warned, 'If that even thinks of staying there I won't be responsible for my actions.'

'Guvnor's orders,' Terry said with a smidgen of remorse. 'He wants you on this.'

'I bet he does,' she answered, glancing at the door behind which she was sure the DI was gloating about his delegation skills. 'Forget about the dozen other things he wanted me on or needed me for or…' Having seen the look of bemusement wash over the DC's face, she quietened her rant and reached for the beige folder. 'What is it?'

Terry pulled up a chair. 'A carjacking. Fella pulls up at a set of traffic lights on Cargill Street, next thing he knows there's a bloke with a knife at his throat. He puts up a fight, gets stabbed, ends up in hospital.'

So far this was big standard stuff, Sam felt her irritation returning. 'This is vitally important? When did it happen?'

The DC smiled slightly. 'Three weeks ago.'

'Why the hell didn't he report it sooner?'

'Oh, a little thing,' answered Terry. 'He had a bootload of stolen pistols in the back.'

He head, which had been drooping ever-so-slightly, lifted. 'Firearms?'

'Twenty or so. The bloke's had an attack of conscience, wants to make sure no one dies.'

'Well, this isn't our department. Hand it over to Operation Trafalgar.'

'Yeah, but that massive shooting last week? They're snowed under and since this isn't an urgent incident…'

'Not urgent?' Sam scoffed. 'Anyone could have them.'

'And to our knowledge, they ain't used 'em. That makes it our case.'

She closed her eyes briefly. 'Great. Okay, where do we start?'


	47. Crashing all ways

A/N: I'm an evil little person aren't I?

* * *

'I'll drop Bel at Siobhan's on my way in,' Sam said as she swept into the kitchen, black coat already on.

Sheelagh looked up from her newspaper. 'Hey, hang on. Are you alright?'

'I'm late. I've got that meeting with the DCI about these guns, that case is driving me up the wall.'

'That's not what I meant.'

'Isn't it? Sorry, my mind's elsewhere.' Sam leaned down to kiss her. 'I'll see you tonight.'

Sheelagh kept hold of the hand on her shoulder. 'I'm sure she'll be in touch, she may even come round.'

Sam smiled stiffly. 'Well, we'll see. And call me if you need me.'

Hearing the front door close, Sheelagh leaned back in her seat, too much aware of her son squirming inside of her. Technically, he was overdue, if only by a few days. Siobhan had been severely overdue whereas the boys had wanted to change their surroundings as soon as possible. She'd assumed her third son would be the same. Apparently not. The strain was showing more on Sam in truth. Sam, who was phoning three times a day, cooking more than she was capable of and generally avoiding the fact her daughter had gone without speaking to her for a month. It was typical Samantha really but Sheelagh was still finding it hard to deal with.

It seemed Abi was still struggling with her confession. Ramani had visited her a few times, reporting she was unresponsive and didn't even bother asking after Belinda. That was worrying- it meant that, on release, she might disappear without her daughter, killing any chance Sheelagh might have of talking to the young woman. She was wanting to reassure her, she could hardly do that if she couldn't find her. Plus, it would devastate Sam.

* * *

'Two weeks and no leads!' Jack slammed the tabloid down on the desk as Sam exchanged a look with Terry. 'What are you playing at?'

'With respect, Guv,' said Sam. 'We picked up this case when the trail was cold. It's hardly surprising we haven't found anything.'

'That's an excuse, is it?'

'No, it's a realistic explanation. Until one of the pistols surfaces we've got nothing to go on.'

'Well, you're in luck,' Jack answered. 'There was an attempted armed robbery at a pub last night, shots were fired. Ballistics have matched the bullet to the store Lewis Graham surrendered when he reported the carjacking.'

'Any descriptions?' Terry questioned.

'The landlord found the gun a bit more interesting than the face if you know what I mean. It was the Horse and Groom on Waterton Road, that area's crowded with CCTV. Terry, could you get onto that?'

'Sure, Guv,' he replied before leaving.

Sam made to follow him but Jack quickly said, 'Hang on a minute, Samantha. Can I have a word?'

That struck her as a rhetorical question so she stood in front of him again, waiting for the tirade. 'Yes, Guv.'

'Are you alright?' he asked simply.

'Sorry?'

'You're obviously stressed. Is it Abi or Sheelagh and the baby?'

'There's not a problem, Guv. I'm investigating this case to the best of my abilities, my personal life has no bearing on it whatsoever.'

He shook his head. 'Who do you think you're fooling?'

'Is that all, Guv?'

'For now.'

* * *

Mid-morning, the telephone rang. Sheelagh answered with as much trepidation as she had every phone call since Abi had been sectioned. 'Hello?'

'Sheelagh? It's Ramani.'

Her throat continued its tightening. 'Is everything alright?'

'I've just spoken to a friend at the hospital. Apparently, Abigail left this morning, indicating she wasn't planning on staying in London. She asked for travel guides to the Lake District from what I can gather. Has that any significance?'

'I think that's where her father is now. I can't think why she'd go to him now, he's hardly even sent cards.'

'She might just need to escape for a while.'

'If she disappears to Glen we'll never see her, and Sam'll be heartbroken.'

'There's little you can do, Sheelagh,' warned Ramani. 'Especially in your condition.'

'I know, I know,' she sighed. 'Listen, thanks for keeping me informed.'

'No problem. Only sorry I couldn't do more.'

* * *

'Oi, I think I've got something.'

Sam looked over her shoulder to Terry's computer screen where he'd been perusing pictures for over an hour. 'What?'

'Alan Tricott, matches the CCTV footage plus he's got form for firearms offences. Only been out of nick a month.'

'So what are you thinking? Someone's selling them to the highest bidder?'

'Seems a safe bet. I mean, what does a carjacker want with a bootload of pistols? He sells 'em, makes some easy money and gets on the food chain at the same time.'

'It's worth a look,' Sam agreed. 'Have we got a current address?'

'Yup. Let's get down there.'

* * *

Sheelagh was dozing in her favourite when she heard the front door rattle. Thinking it was Sam on one of her irregular daytime visits, she didn't open her eyes until a voice said, 'You haven't had him yet then.'

'Abi! Are you alright?'

With her arms crossed over the chest the young woman looked anything but comfortable- nevertheless, she answered, 'Yeah, I'm fine. How about you? He's overdue now.'

'I'm surprised you rembered.'

'I don't see why you would be,' said Abi, wiping a hair from her face. 'I am interested, you know.'

The reference made Sheelagh's cheeks colour. 'Of course you are.'

'Look, I just came to collect some stuff. Then I'll be out of your hair.'

'Abi, that's not what you want, nor your mother and I.'

'Can you just not talk about you two like that?'

'Like what?'

'As a couple.'

'Well, that's what we are, Abi. You know that.'

'Whatever. It doesn't matter. Like I said, I won't be here long.'

As Abi turned to leave, Sheelagh said, 'She's fine. Belinda, I mean. She's with Siobhan, you could see her as soon as you wanted.'

The young woman swallowed. 'I'd rather not.'

* * *

'No sign of him.'

Sam gazed around the pristine living room. 'This is too neat. I've known a lot of flats like this, they're usually covers for something bigger. Alright, take a good look around, see if you can find any paperwork for any other addresses.'

Ten minutes later, Terry called her over. 'Hey, check this out. Junk mail addressed to 5 Capwell Lane. That's a posh housing complex off the river.'

'Surely he wouldn't bring junk mail from his secret house to his known abode?'

'Maybe Tricott's not as smart as we throught. Should we get round there?'

'Yeah… We should inform the DCI; get on that, I'll round up the troops.'

* * *

'Where are planning on going, Abi?' Sheelagh questioned when she finally made it up the stairs to the bedroom. The young mother was carefully separating her clothes from her daughter's, packing her own in a holdall. 'You must have an idea.'

'I don't have to tell you that.'

'You know, I can't believe you'd leave Belinda.'

'She'll be better off with you, raise her as your own. Least she'll be happy.'

'Now you don't really believe that.'

'Don't tell me what I believe, Sheelagh! I know my own mind.'

'Yeah, I think you do. Which is why you know this isn't the right thing to do.' Sheelagh sighed at the lack of response. 'Where are you going?'

'I thought I'd go see Glen. I wrote to him a couple of weeks ago, he wants to see me.'

So Ramani had been right. She contemplated her next words carefully. 'That's something I didn't expect. You haven't heard from him for quite a while.'

'He's still my father.'

'It's a shame you don't apply that principle to your mum.'

Abi shook out a particularly revealing top. 'I need to get on with this. I'll let you know when I leave.'

Before Sheelagh had a chance she felt a short sharp pain in her abdomen, one she knew all too well. 'Abi…'

'What?'

'I think the labour's started.'

* * *

'This looks better than that flat anyway,' Terry sniggered as they approached the luxury house. 'Bit more like the place of an armed robber. Maybe we'll find some cash under the floorboards.'

'All we want is that gun,' Sam reminded him. 'And Triscott if we're lucky. Get CO19 lined up.'

When they busted through the door the armed team rushed in. When the all-clear came Sam and Terry followed them in, he eye immediately caught by an open door which she assumed to be the cellar. 'Terry, down here!'

As they stepped down the dusty stairs, Sam found her senses completely alert. Everything from the musky smell coming from the walls to the gentle drip of water from somewhere penetrated her brain and stored itself for future reference. Stepping down onto the cellar floor with Terry on her heels she flicked on her pocket torch, pointing the beam far ahead. The cellar was an expensive one, probably stretching under the entire house. There were stone pillars dotted around, boxes piled everywhere. Spotting an upturned one towards the back of the room Sam made for it.

Walking past the second pillar she suddenly felt herself yanked sideways, something metal being pushed against the side of her head. 'Terry!'

'Don't move, either of you,' a whispered voice warned. 'You're not going anywhere.'


	48. Difficult situations

Abi stared at her, aghast. 'You can't be in labour! You… you just can't!'

Breathing deeply, Sheelagh answered, 'I can't turn it off! Sweetheart, I need you to call an ambulance, I'm not having another baby without a midwife.' Apart from flinching at the word 'sweetheart' the young mum hadn't moved. 'Abi, please! If you… What you said about the way you feel, if it's true then you'll get me to the hospital.'

Finally, she got out her mobile. 'I'll call but I can't come with me.'

'And I need Sam.'

Abi nodded. 'Fine.'

* * *

'Alan, you ain't doing yourself any favours,' Terry said quietly whilst leaning against the wall. Sam, now beside him at the back of the cellar, was looking at their surroundings from the new angle and with the added pressure of having a pistol staring her in the face. 'There's an armed unit upstairs; it's only a matter of time before they realise we're missing.'

'Unless they want your blood splattered on the walls they won't make a move.' Alan Tricott was as cocky as middle-aged villains could be, the very way his hand rested around the gun showed his practice with weapons. That was unnerving.

Suddenly, her phone vibrated in her pocket. What a time for a text message! Luckily, Tricott was too focussed on Terry and the pounding footsteps upstairs so she slipped her hand into her pocket, ready to withdraw the mobile at the first opportunity.

Terry continued with his argument, 'You've never killed anyone. Yeah, you've sprayed a few bullets around but not with intent. I don't think you wanna start now.'

Tricott, hearing the echoing voices at the top of the stairs, moved back to listen. Sam took the opportunity to read the text, surprised to find it was from Abi's phone. It simply read, '_Sheelagh in labour. Get to the hospital._' Her sharp intake of breath was heard by both Terry and Tricott, the latter noticing the phone and rushing forward. 'Trying to be smart? Give me that.' Taking it, he read the text. 'Who's Sheelagh?'

Sam swallowed. 'Nobody.'

'I asked who's Sheelagh?'

She glanced at Terry. 'My partner. She's pregnant.'

Tricott started laughing. 'I'd never have put you down as a dyke!'

Her throat tightened, her initial instinct was to hit him, how dare he mock her relationship when Sheelagh was suffering through labour on her own? Well, perhaps not completely alone. The message had been from Abi's phone, at least that meant Sheelagh had someone; despite the fact that Sam didn't have a clue what Abi was doing there.

After a minute Tricott pocketed the phone and looked back over. 'What's she like, this Sheelagh? Fit? I mean before the sprog anyway.'

Looking to Terry who nodded his head slightly, Sam answered, 'She's perfect. All you could want in a woman.'

'Sounds delightful, I must say.'

'You ain't married, are you, Alan?' Terry asked. 'What, was it too much hassle?'

'Something like that. Anyhow,' Tricott said, redirecting his attention back to Sam as he stepped forward a foot or two. 'I wanna hear more about your missus.'

On her right she saw Terry edge away. With a flick of her hand she gave him her approval and tried to relax slightly. 'What do you want to know?'

'Well, if you wanted to give me some of your more intimate details…'

'You know, it's not a topic I want to pursue.'

Tricott tutted. 'Pity.'

Terry continued his movement unnoticed while Tricott lifted his head to the ceiling. Sam, meanwhile, let her mind race towards the hospital where Sheelagh was probably asking for her, wondering why she wasn't there, possibly getting angry and stressed. That was no good for her or the baby.

'I've always wondered why a woman would wanna be with another. What's the attraction?'

Sam fought to repress her anger. 'I suppose it's different for everyone.'

'I'm not asking everyone.'

'I'd rather not answer that.'

He approached, leaving Terry at a ninety degree angle. While Sam kept Tricott's attention her fellow officer started to move slowly then tried to dive on the suspect. Sam ducked quickly as Tricott swung the gun around peppering the wall with bullets. Throw back against a pillar, Terry fell to the floor limply.

* * *

'I shouldn't be here.'

Sheelagh glanced at her only other companion in the room, a surely midwife who was tapping the blood pressure machine. 'You said you wouldn't wait for the ambulance, you said you wouldn't come with me in it. You've got this far.'

Abi shook her head. 'You don't understand.'

'Then tell me! Just, please, don't leave me here on my own. After Niamh…'

'Alright, I'll stay,' she relented. 'Till someone gets here.'

Sheelagh nodded, relieved. 'Okay, you wanted to tell me what I don't understand. Go ahead, distract me.'

Abi stayed silent for quite a while. 'You know what it is, you know I've got feelings for you.' The midwife raised an eyebrow.

'You think you do, that's all.'

'Sheelagh, I'm not a kid! I thought I'd loved people but this is different. I can't be near you anymore, not while you're with her.'

'She's your mother, Abigail! Deep down, you know that this is just an infatuation, jealousy over how happy she is with me.' Out of the corner of her eye Sheelagh saw the midwife's eyebrows rocket. 'Sam and I are in love.'

'She'll just hurt you! That's all she can do, no matter how much she tries or what she wants, she's incapable.'

Sheelagh frowned. 'This is still about your mum.'

'No, we sorted that out! She's trying with me and Bel!'

'That's why you won't see her?'

'It's you I didn't want to see!'

'Why, Abi?' Sheelagh demanded. 'And don't give me any of this love rubbish!'

'Sheelagh, it's the truth!'

'No, you think it is!' Feeling a contraction she rode it out, her mind numb with concentration. When she looked at Abi again, she said, 'What is it you see in me?'

'I don't want to discuss this.'

'Are you physically attracted to me?'

Abi violently shook her head. 'I'm not talking about this.'

'If you loved me, Abi, you would. But the thing is, it's not love, is it? You want what your mum has, you want to be happy. You want someone with you. I'm here, I'm the perfect vessel for your emotions.'

Slowly, her eyes filled up. 'I wanted a family. I wanted to have what I didn't have for Bel. She needs more, she deserves more.'

'Sweetheart, she's got all she needs in you. And your mum, you know she adores you. The way she's been tearing herself to piece over the last month proves that.'

'I just want to be part of something, you know?' Abi questioned weakly.

As the young blonde fell into sobs Sheelagh pulled her close. 'You're part of more than you know. Your mum'd be delighted if she saw you here.'

Abi sniffed. 'Where the hell is she? You need her.'

'Well, for the time being I've got you,' Sheelagh answered with more certainty than she felt. 'She'll be here soon.'

The curtain twitched and Gina appeared, a frown on her face. 'I don't think that's likely to happen.'

Once again, Sheelagh panic started its rise to the surface. 'Why, what's happened?'

'She and Terry are being held at gunpoint by a suspected armed robber.'

'What? Gina, tell me you're joking.'

'I wish I could.'

Sheelagh examined the Inspector's face. 'Wait, what else is there? Don't try and fob me off, there's something else.'

Gina lowered her eyes for a moment. 'Alright. Shots have been fired.'

As Abi sank against the wall Sheelagh felt her son kick into action. 'No, not now!'

* * *

'He's fine! I didn't get him.'

Sam let out her breath, watching Alan Tricott prodding Terry with the barrel of his gun. 'He's unconscious then. Can I take a look?'

He looked over suspiciously then glanced at the gun in his hand. 'He shouldn't have moved, I wasn't going to…'

That cocky façade of his was fast fading. 'I know. But if the officers upstairs didn't know before they've sussed you now, you won't get out.'

'I'm not stupid! This is a long stretch, I've only just got out!'

'It's getting longer by the minute, Alan,' Sam said, looking over towards Terry. 'Come on, let me have a look at him.'

Tricott nodded, backing off to let her close. Sam quickly checked Terry over, finding a small head wound but nothing else. 'I think he's alright, just knocked out. He could do with medical attention.'

'If I let him go they'll have me!'

'Alan, come on! Be realistic! You're going down for this, it just depends how long you string it out as to whether you're looking at murder.'

'He's not going to die.'

'If you leave it long enough he might,' Sam replied. 'Head wounds are unpredictable.'

Tricott looked panicked, he gripped the gun so his knuckles went white and took a few steps back. 'Let me think, let me think!'

Closing her eyes, Sam pictured Sheelagh in a hospital bed, repeatedly asking for her, if she didn't already know what was going on. Sam prayed she didn't. 'I promised I'd be at the birth, you know. I told her wild horses wouldn't keep me away.'

'I'm sure she'll understand. It's all in a day's work, right?'

'You don't get it. I've let her down so many times, this might be the last.'

A flicker of remorse crossed his face. 'Not my best day, is it?'

'I think that was set in stone when you tried to commit an armed robbery. You must've known you'd be caught.'

He smiled. 'It's just a buzz, that's all. I mean, look at this place, I don't need the money, do I?' Sam shrugged her assent. 'I've got to live for something. With you coppers it's your job.'

Sam shook her head. 'It used to be. Somewhere along the line I discovered I had a family.'

'You and her have IVF or something did you?'

'No, it wasn't like that.'

Tricott seemed genuinely intrigued. 'What do you mean?' When she didn't answer, his voice tightened. 'You might as well tell me.'

'Alright. Sheelagh was raped. The baby's a result of that.'

* * *

'Gina, you must know more!' Sheelagh said, biting through the pain. 'What's the gunman like?'

'Sheelagh, I don't know! I wish I did!'

'Well, the shots! I mean, why can't CO19 go in?'

'We don't know what's down there!'

Abi seemed to be regaining some of her old gusto, pulling herself back onto her feet she took hold of Sheelagh's hand. 'Listen to me. Mum's gonna be okay, she's smart. I bet she's talking her way out of there right now, wanting to get to you. And when she does get here it'll all be okay and you're going to have this beautiful baby boy, my half-brother. And you know what? We'll live happily ever after.'

Sheelagh snorted. 'That's pretty idealistic isn't it, Abigail?'

'Well, I picked it up from you, didn't I? Me and mum both did. Stay calm for the baby's sake, that's what she'd want.'

Wincing through another contraction, Sheelagh the hand of her step-daughter. 'You've grown so much?'

'Yeah?' Abi raised an eyebrow and nodded to her stomach. 'I could say the same about you.'

* * *

'You've had it tough.'

Sam shrugged. 'You could say that.' Noticing Terry's eyelids flutter she quickly added, 'But so has everyone. What Sheelagh and I have been through means we're strong and I actually think that if you kill me she'll look after them all.'

'What, the baby and who?'

'Between us we've got four other kids and a granddaughter.'

'Hers?'

'No, mine. My daughter was practically raped too.'

Tricott was quiet for a moment. 'I'm not going to kill you.'

'You're just going to let me walk out?'

'Your mate was right. I'm no murderer.'

Sam swallowed. 'How about giving me the gun? So we can both get the hell out of here.'

He smiled ever so slightly as he dropped the pistol to the ground and backed away towards the steps. As Terry fully awoke Sam heard the shouts of the armed officers taking charge.

The DC touched the congealed blood on his head. 'What did I miss?'


	49. The birth

A/N: Well, we've reached the end of the line, I'm afraid. It's been a pleasure writing this but all enjoyable things must come to an end. All that remains is for me to thankmy loyal readers and the people I consider friends. You're all brilliant.

* * *

'Sheelagh Murphy,' Sam said breathlessly as she reached the desk. 'Where is she?'

'Mum!'

Turning to her right she saw Abigail barrelling towards her. Hugging her tightly, she questioned, 'How is she? How's the baby?'

'It's almost over. Come on.'

Letting her daughter drag her into a small room Sam caught sight of Sheelagh, her face seared with pain and her knuckles white with the intensity of gripping. For a moment she froze then Abi pushed her forwards and she grabbed her partner's hand. 'Sheelagh? Sorry I'm late.'

The midwife seemed to be laughing at a private joke. 'She just needs one last push.'

Sam smiled tearily. 'You hear that? We're gonna have a little boy.'

Tightening her grip, Sheelagh did as instructed, Sam terrified as the baby was whisked away. Looking over at Abi she saw the fear in her eyes then, as a shrill wail rang out, she glanced in relief at Sheelagh who asked in a whisper, 'He's okay? Really?'

The wailing child was handed back to Sam who gazed at his tiny fingers and the little shoots of hair on his head, watched him squirm and his mouth open and close. 'He's perfect.'

* * *

'Gina, you didn't have to wait.'

The Inspector shook her head. 'You go and get yourself taken hostage, someone had to be here.'

Sam smiled, indicating they should walk down the corridor away from Sheelagh's room. 'Abi was here. Any idea why?'

'I got a call from her, looking for you. Finding out where you were I thought I better get down here.'

'What was going on when you got here? Any arguments?'

Gina glanced skywards. 'I did hear some things. But you're better off talking to them about it.'

'Oi,' Sam said, touching her shoulder. 'You can't leave me with that.'

'You're not shooting the messenger on this one, Sam. Talk to Sheelagh.'

Leaving her with that thought Gina departed. Watching her retreating back Sam felt her jubilation slip away from her, quickly being replaced with a renewed sense of concern for her daughter. Making her way back to the maternity ward she found Sheelagh cradling their son, Abi was nowhere to be seen. Surveying the scene for a minute she then cleared her throat and stepped forward. 'He's not screaming at you, that's a result.'

Sheelagh smiled. 'I can't believe he's alright. I had these visions of…'

'Shush. He's fine. And I'm just sorry I went and got myself involved in a hostage situation when I should've been here with you.'

'What happened? Gina said there were gunshots.'

'We spooked him, he sprayed the wall with bullets, nearly putting one through Terry's skull in the process. He was lucky he just ended up with a concussion.'

'So did he just give it up or what? I mean, from what Gina said he was fairly tough, good with guns.'

'Let's just say our family history won him round,' Sam replied with a small smile.

'You talked your way out?' Sheelagh shook her head. 'Abi said you would.'

Being reminded of her daughter, Sam recalled what Gina had said a few minutes earlier. 'Where's she gone anyway?'

'To call Siobhan, she wants to see Bel. That's good news isn't it?'

'Yeah, it's brilliant… Listen, Gina said you two were having words when she got here. Did she say what's been going on?'

Sheelagh avoided her gaze, focussing on her tiny son. 'I was in too much of a state to ask her, I'm afraid.'

Her copper's nose wasn't giving up on that one. 'Gina implied there was something you weren't telling me. Is there?'

There was silence for a moment then Sheelagh said, 'Take him for a minute. Just to remind yourself what's at stake here.'

'I think I know that, Sheelagh,' she answered though on her partner's pleading look she took the child, thankful she'd had Belinda as practice for this moment. 'See?'

Sheelagh watched her intently. 'People transfer emotions, they dream they have feelings for someone, it helps them if they believe they have a purpose.'

'Has she met someone, is that what you're telling me?'

'No, I'm… She transferred her desire for a partner onto me.'

Sam frowned. 'What? She's in love with you?'

'She thought she was,' Sheelagh clarified. 'It was just your typical displacement technique, we talked through it.'

'And she told you this today?'

'Not exactly. It was when she was in hospital, the day of the suicide attempt.'

'That was a month ago!' As the baby squealed in her arms she lowered her tone. 'Why didn't you tell me?'

Sheelagh sat back and looked at her hands. 'What have we done in the last year, Sam? I was raped, we argued. I got pregnant, we argued. I nearly got killed in a car crash, we argued. Do you see the pattern?'

'It's been a tough year.'

'Yes! And I couldn't face rounding it off by being a single mother again.'

Sam sat down suddenly on the edge of the baby. 'What?'

'Part of me thought this would be the final straw. Either you'd think I'd done something to encourage her…'

'Oh, Sheelagh,' she interrupted. 'You can't seriously…'

'Don't tell me it's stupid, Sam. You might think you're the most rational person on earth but where betrayal's concerned you're unpredictable, impulsive even. I didn't know how to say it without… What did you want me to do?'

Stroking the cheek of their son, Sam answered, 'I suppose I know where you're coming from. But we have to get over this, not talking because we're afraid. I've been an idiot in the past, we both have; I can't guarantee it won't happen again but I think we've got more chance if we're open with each other. And Abi's my daughter, I did have a right to know why she tried to kill herself.'

'I realise that. I'm sorry.'

'Do I need to talk to her or..?'

'It'll just embarrass her,' Sheelagh replied. 'I think we settled the issue. She's not going to Glen's, I'm fairly sure she'll move back in. If you feel the need to…'

The over-politeness struck Sam and she let out an involuntary laugh. 'Would you listen to us? Acting like strangers.'

Sheelagh also smiled. 'Sorry.' After a moment she added, 'You two look beautiful together.'

Well, so we should,' Sam replied. 'You know, we should think about names… I know we narrowed it down to William or Peter but…'

'They don't suit him? Hmm, I know. What about the rest if the shortlist? Hang on, what about…'

'Benjamin?' Sam supplied quickly.

'Benjamin,' repeated Sheelagh. 'Great minds think alike. Benjamin Murphy-Nixon.'

'Murphy-Nixon?'

'He's as much yours as he is mine, it's only fitting.'

Sam looked down into her son's adorable face. 'Benjamin Murphy-Nixon. You're going to be alright. We all are.'

'Mum?'

Turning her head to the door she found Abigail leaning hesitantly against the doorframe. 'Hi, sweetheart.' Glancing at Sheelagh, who nodded, she continued, 'Do you want to grab a coffee?'

Her daughter also nodded. 'Yeah. Oh, and Benjamin's a good name.'

'I'm glad we've got your approval,' Sheelagh smiled, taking the little boy back from Sam. 'Take as long as you need.'

Sat in the canteen ten minutes later Sam eyed her daughter apprehensively. Feeling it was more appropriate for her to break the silence, she said, 'Sheelagh tells me you wanted to visit your dad.'

Abi briefly glanced up, a small flash of fear in her eyes. 'She did? Well, I … I thought I should, that's all.'

'I understand. Do you still feel that way?'

'Not really. If you'll have me…'

'We'll have you,' interrupted Sam. 'For as long as you want.' Sensing a change in Abi's mood- a lift upwards perhaps- she reached across and took a slender hand in her own. 'You had me so scared. When June Ackland told me I couldn't get my head around it, you know? Why would you do a thing like that?'

'Mum,' Abi said slowly, obviously struggling with the words. 'I know you'll want to hear every little detail but I can't go through it again. Can you believe me when I say I've sorted it all out?'

'Of course I can. Hopefully we've got past the lying stage now.' On her daughter's grimace, she hastily amended, 'What I meant was, if you tell me you're okay then I believe you. But you have to promise me, if you ever get in that state, tell me. Please, it… I couldn't bear anything happening to you.'

Abi squeezed her hand. 'Likewise. So stop trying to get yourself killed. You and Sheelagh, you're both as bad.'

Sam smiled. 'Well, I will if she will. Today was a complete accident by the way.'

'It always is, Mum! Just be careful.'

'Alright, alright. I promise I'll try.'

* * *

Despite the tiredness itching at her eyes Sheelagh couldn't tear her gaze away from Benjamin, terrified in a way that he'd disappear if she did. Footsteps heralded the return of Sam and Abi, the mother with a protective arm around her daughter's shoulders. 'Is everything okay?'

'Perfectly,' Sam answered, planting a kiss on her forehead. 'Are you going to let him sleep at all or are we aiming for an insomniac?'

Sheelagh grinned sheepishly. 'I don't want to put him down.'

'That might cause problems.'

'I was the same with Bel the first few nights,' Abi put it. 'But she fine. Besides, he's got Superwoman over there to protect him.'

'Oi, you!' Sam said argumentatively.

'Families,' muttered Sheelagh. 'Who'd have one?' To the other two she said a little more loudly, 'You're both right. He should sleep, I should sleep and you two should go home. It's been a long day.'

'Maybe so,' conceded Sam. 'But I'm not going anywhere yet.'

'Neither am I,' added Abi.

'So get used to it,' Samantha finished with a smile.

Sheelagh looked around her. 'Be careful, I might just do that.'


End file.
